Let me just start off this blog by letting out a big fat SIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!I just asked my 3 male co-workers who are 30, 34 and 44 years old whether in their personal experiences of dating women have they ever been asked that question? They all said no. One stipulated he would actually be offended if he were asked that in an initial meeting of a woman. And quite rightly so.
Whenever I have ventured overseas to the US and spoken to guys, I usually hear at some point from pretty much every single one of them that they have been, or are continually asked that question. "How Much Money Do You Make?" or "What Car Do You Drive?"
Is this an American thing? As I don't find it that common or widespread in the UK.
I don't know of any woman in my family or social circle that feels the need to ask this question or even use it as a basis to determine whether somebody is worthy of dating or even speaking to.
OK, so everybody has standards, there is nothing wrong with that. A lot of us in our right minds aren't going to date a guy who's idea of a job is "a little of this and that" or "right now I'm pursuing other options" which is code for VOLUNTARILY unemployed, with no hope or desire in looking for work. But in the same breath I don't see how much a guy has or even what car he drives has anything to do with me or you for that matter, especially if I have my own shit together.
Do some women in the US really have a monetary limit on how much a guy earns as to whether she'd actually date him or not? Does it go something like "men earning under $60,000 need not apply?" What about the car? What's deemed as acceptable before he's worthy of dating and what is not?Listen, when it comes to the car I'm not driving his. I'll either have my own or I'm getting around the same way I usually do via public transport. I don't own a car in London because I don't need to and it's also quite expensive as I'd only be driving it on the weekends. But I'm not about to date a guy specifically who have a vehicle for the sake of it. I don't even think Mrs H's husband had a licence when they first met. She would have passed up a great man if owning a car was on her list of specifications. And I would have slapped her.
What if a man earns $35,000 has a decent enough 2007 or 2008 model car but is $25,000 below your threshold. Does he get a pass? Does his personality, manners, respect, count for anything or is it not even considered if the salary just isn't right?
On the message board that I frequent which is geared to toward black women I've read some of the craziest things when it comes to parameters for dating men. One woman stated she would never date a man that didn't even own a car. Well good for her that she doesn't live in London because her black ass would be single for a very long time. It is not uncommon for men over here to not have a car, or have a drivers licence and no car. As long as they are smart, decent, respectful and are interesting in an initial meeting, that's all I care about.
If one of my girlfriend's met a man and we do the whole girly chit chat thing over the phone, how much he earns and what he drives has never come up before in conversation. Maybe it's because we were raised and not drug up. Our parents taught us to be financially independent, taking care of yourself and relying on the assets of another man is extremely alien to us. I think it takes some real balls to ask a man impertinent questions like that, and these are the same women who get offended when they are called or labelled a gold digger.
The way a man treats us and not what he can offer us in material possessions should be paramount. In this economic climate which may or may not at some point mirror the 1929 Great Depression, if you dated or married a man who had a decent level of wealth and then suddenly lost it all, the chances of you sticking around are pretty much nil, based on the very things that initially attracted him to you in the first place. I'm not saying that women have to marry dirt poor broke men in order to have a fulfilling relationship or anything like that, but sticking ridiculous parameters on how much a man earns is crazy to my ears.
For women like that, it's all about the bragging factor. You want to be able to showboat to your friends about his big house and fancy car, the restaurants he may take you or the gifts he occasionally surprises you with. Whoop-di-frickin-doo!! What's going on with your game that you cannot give yourself the big house, fancy car and the rest? Wouldn't you rather brag about your own creature comforts than that of a man? That's your man's stuff, not yours!
Then there's that whole other factor that if you're a professional woman getting with a construction worker just wouldn't work, and that a professional man is always better suited. Says who? If you click, you click. Professional men seem have no problem in dating strippers or waitresses. In the real world my longest relationship lasted whilst my ex was in college and university. Whilst I was working for Citigroup and Merrill Lynch, he had a bus pass and definitely no car in sight. If his status was a problem for me then that was my problem and vice versa. Luckily he was man enough to not let the fact he had student loans and I had a regular salary living in a 3 bedroom house be a problem. Of course over the 8 or so years it got a little frustrating but it was a minor factor if the relationship was strong enough. If you're mature enough to make it work, then it can and it will. In the fictional sense I remember on Showtime's Soul Food, Terri the successful Labor Lawyer dated Damon who was the delivery guy. Realistically her status caused problems for him and his male ego, but they worked through it. Tough, but not impossible.Sometimes having a guy with money doesn't necessarily equal an easy life or an easy relationship. I have a general rule that I stick to when it comes to men and money, that as long as he can support himself via legal and honest means and he ticks all the right boxes in other areas particular to what I'm looking for in a man, then it's OK with me. The minute you start to get all technical with it you, you end up making a lot of wrong decisions. Just by being open and receptive to a nice guy who doesn't want to leech off you should be enough. If you close the doors on the ones that don't necessarily earn as much as you'd like, you could potentially be throwing away the best thing that could ever happen to you without you even realising it in the first place.
Dont ask me why but i feel i am an expert in this area. Having lived in the U.S for 16yrs and exclusively dated African Americans i can say that its pretty much the culture over here. Cars are not just a means of transportation like in Europe and they will judge you by the type of car you drive. Coming from England i had a problem with that because common sense always told me not to invest in a depreciating asset so i never drove the fanciest car and never got the attention of the "IT" girl at a club or a place where you can lure a girl with a nice car.
ReplyDeleteI must admit that in the U.S especially in the mid west and further down that if you have a great looking car you really dont have to do much talking and dont really have to look good to bed a cute but shallow woman and when i say shallow it doesnt necessarily have to mean she is non educated because you can get a top executive or a girl with double master degrees in the U.S if you drive a nice car and buy your suit from K&G (Some mass retail place in dallas where u can get a suit for 149 dollars). I can catch a lot of flack for this but most of the African american women in the U.S dont really know what they want and there is a history of low self esteem and Bad relationships passed down from generations that make many of them make bad choices.
In the U.S nowadays men pretty much do as they please because the women will resort to the lowest of standards in order to get a man so in essence a guy tipping the scales at 400 lbs can tell a girl who is 20 lbs overweight that he cant settle for her cos she doesnt look like the video chicks on tv but he will fail to address the fact that they dont even make clothes his size anymore . Due to this you will see many women flock to the overweight guy or teddy bear like some call it thinking that he will be less of a dog and thinking that since they both have flaws it might be a match till they get dogged out by him.
Southern women are still trapped with that mentality that a man has to provide for the whole household and support all her needs which is a shame because nowadays its practically impossible to survive on one salary for a household unless the so called person is doing something illegal or very stressful and this pushes a lot of men away from commitment in the states.
The reason why man professional american men settle for Strippers has to do with the Ghetto Mentality. Some of these guys grew up in the hood and despite all their education they never left the hood in their mind so they meet the pretty professional who wants to introduce them to some boring so called caucasian culture like nights at the symphony or classical music or doing the gallery thing and hor deurves which i dont have anything against but those are habits you acquire overtime or even generations. The guy wakes up one morning and believes he didnt sign up for any of this pseudo lifestyle so its always refreshing for him when he goes to the strip club and meets the around the way girl who can see thru him and reminisce about the good old days and they have the same similar taste in music,urban wear, fixing up cars and before u know it he is trying to turn a Ho into a housewife.
Thats all for now!!!