Partners that is? In this modern day age it's obvious that thoughts, views and opinions relating to sex are even more liberal and relaxed than they ever have been before.Double standards still exist. The most common one being for men is that it's OK and deemed normal to have many sexual partners in a lifetime, and for a woman it reeks of just being a straight up whore. To me personally there are no double standards, a promiscuous man and a promiscuous woman are equally promiscuous. My views and thoughts on them are exactly the same.
Then there is the saying that goes "women cannot have sex without emotions getting in the way, it's just not possible." There maybe some truth to that. Outside of a drunken stupor how many women in the right frame of mind have felt absolutely 0% of feeling and emotion toward the man they are willingly having sex with? I think it's far easier for men to detach themselves and just see it as a physical act, but for women this is a much harder feat to achieve.
I know of a girl who I think was about 28 at the time who admitted to having over 100 partners. It was one of those girly 'drink up' evenings at my house and I just knew after that admission what was going through some of the minds of my long terms friends sitting in that room with me. So much so I was right when one said after she had left, "after you've had that many you might as well just charge them for it. What difference does it make?" And she may have a point, 100 partners, before you're 30 and as a woman at that I would advise anyone that horny to seriously just call it a day and make a living out of it and get paid.
When probed deeper [no pun intended], I found out during a summer working at one of those 18-30 holiday resorts in or near Spain that she thought she'd had about 40 or so that summer, some involved group and girly action too. To actually pose the question after the #100 admission "do you think that's a lot?" especially when some had said their husband was their only or another had admitted to having 3 or 4 partners in a lifetime, was absolutely shocking. You seriously don't think having over 100 men in your cooch and God knows where else is a lot? Sorry luv, you seriously need a wake up call. If she was my friend I'd actually need to seriously have a talk about her lifestyle rather than just sitting there smiling like a special needs Cheshire Cat whilst your friend is being grilled and roasted by a group of young women.
In my 29 years on this earth as a woman I have learned enough to categorically say that "a lot of women chat pure bullshit and are about nothing more than the bullshit." Women are so in competition with men these days it's actually quite scary and in a lot of respects sad. There is a reason why men are from Mars and women are from Venus, because they are two different places entirely. Keep your ass on your own damn planet! I hear the office stories of dejected and rejected women, and I sit in front of a guy who has no women problems after his weekend trysts with the ladies. Women over the past few years are really trying to pack their bags and move to the same planet that men come from and it's not working. Drinking yourselves into a drunken stupor and actually thinking it's impressive that you snogged [kissed] some random guy, brought him back to yours for a one night stand, or think because men get away with the personal attacks from sleeping around and are given a high five for their antics that it's now OK and acceptable to do the same. A woman who is comfortable with her own sexuality is one thing, a woman who claims she is comfortable with her blase approach to sex and have many multiple partners on the go thinks she's actually gaining respect for this new type of radical thinking noughties feminism we are now experiencing, she is not. From speaking with and working with a lot of men, I know exactly what they think and feel toward women like this, and lets just say, repsect and admiration is extremely far down the list, if even on it at all. A guy who himself has had a lot of partners or engages in casual sex doesn't necessarily want a woman to call his wife one day of somebody that has been around the block.There is always 'the past is the past' element with regard to sex. Do you or don't you admit to your current squeeze when asked, the number of partners you've had? Should the fact remain that you are faithful to him or her and that you are clean [from sexual infections and diseases] account for something and be left at that? Some people really want to know, some ask, and some do tell. For some people and I'm sure this may apply to men as well because I honestly haven't asked my male friends this, but asking this question is more about finding out from your other half's sexual past if they are to be a worthy part of your future, rather than just being nosey. It's like getting in advance an idea of where you may potentially stand with somebody who refrains from sex solely for people they fall in love with or those that compete in it as a national sport.
I'll be honest if I found out a guy I was dating admitted he had changed his ways but had slept with over 100 women, I wouldn't be so comfortable knowing this or being with him. Some of the things going through my mind would be:
- Are any of these women still in contact.
- Did he cheat on any with another one.
- Did any of these sexual conquests result in a child/children, whether born or not.
- Did he ever contract and STI or pass one onto any of them.
- How many of these women were group encounters.
- What seriously makes having sex with me any different or special from Miss 1-100???
I think for a man some of these questions would be the same. It would only be normal and human to have reservations about starting up a relationship with a man who's idea of sex seemed to be a regular pastime and nothing meaningful or special.
Back to the women and bullshit theory. This same girl admitted to having no shame in her game. BULLSHIT! So why when we are at the club you dragged me off the dance floor in mid flow to hide behind my 5'8 frame whilst you were hiding from a past sexual conquest? After he found you and spoke to you, you looked like you wanted to curl up and die. That doesn't reek to me of a sexually confident woman who has no shame in her game. If you sleep with a lot of men, honey let's be real here, you are bound to bump into him fully clothed at some point.
Remember Samantha Jones? Now there was no shame in her game. When the girls were out and they'd spot a cute guy, Samantha would have no problem in proclaiming ever so casually whilst sipping her Martini "I fucked him." And him and him and him and every other a episode was a past encounter for Samantha. Now I never agreed with Samantha's sex life and numerous partners, but I admired her because she did what she wanted and made no excuses for it. She really wasn't about the bullshit. Even when she experimented and became a part-time lesbian she was ever so proud and felt no shame in her admissions. Samantha represented a woman that I feel so many wanted to be like, although many followed they couldn't get past the emotional detachment element that Samantha possessed. Miss Jones is fabulous, beautiful, successful and acts like a man [sexually] and has no inhibitions or regrets toward sex, and rarely did she. She fell in love twice over 6 seasons with Richard and Smith, and Samantha rarely had a man stay over, and rarely was he a long term project in her boudoir. She ended up breaking her foot in an episode when Smith tried to hold her hand. After all the men Samantha had been with that was just too much intimacy for her. She backed off, stumbling backwards landing on a pile of fruit.
She was so detached from emotion she even told Smith to just sleep with whoever he wanted on location for a movie. She soon retracted when she discovered her feelings for him were more than just that of a sexual nature.
Women like Samantha Jones, don't have man trouble, wait for him to call, expect expensive gifts or trips around the world. They aren't expecting or even want a marriage proposal or children. They don't do any other intimacy other than sex, and they'd much prefer a post coital sleep over having a cuddle and a talk post orgasm.
If you are finding that after your multiple sexcapdaes with men or women are leaving you wanting more than just the sex, then maybe the bullshit theory applies to you that you are indeed kidding yourselves over just what it is you are doing. The new age idea of casual sex being fun and great doesn't last very long especially for the women. Ladies if you're going to go the route of "It's just about the sex" it should mean just that. So stop with the depression and the teary eyes when he doesn't call or professing to your girlfriends that he is indeed a dog who got what he wanted when you gave him what you wanted. And stop hiding from him if you see him in the street. It's tiresome. A "hello, how are you?" will suffice and keep it moving. Running away from a past conquest = a regretful and embarrased woman hiding from a sexual mistake.
Contrary to popular belief no amount of great sex is going to make a man want to be with you. Yes he may keep coming back for more but that's because well...the sex is great and my dear to him you may just be an easy lay. Just because he's sleeping with you do not confuse this for he actually respects you and wants to be with you for the long term either. Like women, men want women that tick all of the right boxes. So please give them some credit. They too are looking for a woman that they can connect with on all levels imaginable, and when you give them too much in the form of sex at the drop of a hat then you are leaving not a lot for them to go out and chase for themselves and even desire. Men don't want to work too hard and do all of the work but they do love the thrill of the chase and finding out about you as a person and what's on the inside emotionally for them is just as important if not more [sometimes] about the physical.
Back to the women and bullshit theory. This same girl admitted to having no shame in her game. BULLSHIT! So why when we are at the club you dragged me off the dance floor in mid flow to hide behind my 5'8 frame whilst you were hiding from a past sexual conquest? After he found you and spoke to you, you looked like you wanted to curl up and die. That doesn't reek to me of a sexually confident woman who has no shame in her game. If you sleep with a lot of men, honey let's be real here, you are bound to bump into him fully clothed at some point.
Remember Samantha Jones? Now there was no shame in her game. When the girls were out and they'd spot a cute guy, Samantha would have no problem in proclaiming ever so casually whilst sipping her Martini "I fucked him." And him and him and him and every other a episode was a past encounter for Samantha. Now I never agreed with Samantha's sex life and numerous partners, but I admired her because she did what she wanted and made no excuses for it. She really wasn't about the bullshit. Even when she experimented and became a part-time lesbian she was ever so proud and felt no shame in her admissions. Samantha represented a woman that I feel so many wanted to be like, although many followed they couldn't get past the emotional detachment element that Samantha possessed. Miss Jones is fabulous, beautiful, successful and acts like a man [sexually] and has no inhibitions or regrets toward sex, and rarely did she. She fell in love twice over 6 seasons with Richard and Smith, and Samantha rarely had a man stay over, and rarely was he a long term project in her boudoir. She ended up breaking her foot in an episode when Smith tried to hold her hand. After all the men Samantha had been with that was just too much intimacy for her. She backed off, stumbling backwards landing on a pile of fruit.She was so detached from emotion she even told Smith to just sleep with whoever he wanted on location for a movie. She soon retracted when she discovered her feelings for him were more than just that of a sexual nature.
Women like Samantha Jones, don't have man trouble, wait for him to call, expect expensive gifts or trips around the world. They aren't expecting or even want a marriage proposal or children. They don't do any other intimacy other than sex, and they'd much prefer a post coital sleep over having a cuddle and a talk post orgasm.
If you are finding that after your multiple sexcapdaes with men or women are leaving you wanting more than just the sex, then maybe the bullshit theory applies to you that you are indeed kidding yourselves over just what it is you are doing. The new age idea of casual sex being fun and great doesn't last very long especially for the women. Ladies if you're going to go the route of "It's just about the sex" it should mean just that. So stop with the depression and the teary eyes when he doesn't call or professing to your girlfriends that he is indeed a dog who got what he wanted when you gave him what you wanted. And stop hiding from him if you see him in the street. It's tiresome. A "hello, how are you?" will suffice and keep it moving. Running away from a past conquest = a regretful and embarrased woman hiding from a sexual mistake.
Contrary to popular belief no amount of great sex is going to make a man want to be with you. Yes he may keep coming back for more but that's because well...the sex is great and my dear to him you may just be an easy lay. Just because he's sleeping with you do not confuse this for he actually respects you and wants to be with you for the long term either. Like women, men want women that tick all of the right boxes. So please give them some credit. They too are looking for a woman that they can connect with on all levels imaginable, and when you give them too much in the form of sex at the drop of a hat then you are leaving not a lot for them to go out and chase for themselves and even desire. Men don't want to work too hard and do all of the work but they do love the thrill of the chase and finding out about you as a person and what's on the inside emotionally for them is just as important if not more [sometimes] about the physical.
What's my take personally [for myself] on promiscuity and a bunch of partners?
good query and hope u dont mind the drive by, but it is subjective can you have too many or two few and if u can let me know what u think of this and this would love your purview
ReplyDeleteGreat Blog,
ReplyDeleteIts sad but this is happening a lot nowadays and unfortunately there are a lot of women out there who are really trying to be like men and its not working. You made a key point about separating love from sex and emotion which is one thing most men have perfected over time and i am not glorifying it but it is what it is and there area few women libbers out there who have tried the same but its just not working for them.
Is there a double standard to this ideology? Heck Yeah but i didnt make the rules but too many partners is not a good thing for either gender and i remember writing a blog over a year ago about many women i encounter who have never had sober sex in a long time and i tried to attribute it to low self esteem and other social parameters but another point is trying to be like men and picking up men so they get drunk so they can turn around and flip the script and say the man took advantage of the situation or that they didnt remember what happened.
I refuse to get in bed with a wasted/drunk lady because its the most unflattering thing that a self respecting person can do but i hate to admit that most of the one night stands are based on this.
Unfortunately the ratio of women to men is increasing drastically in favor of a man who has all his teeth and all his body parts intact and it makes them a sought after prize and because of this a lot of women are compromising their standards and making the game poisoned and creating baby boys out of men and unscrupulous women out of many women nowadays.
I like your blog!
ReplyDeleteI don't think that women are competing with men. I just think that they are tired of being on the short end of the stick with men so they feel that out of spite, they should exercise their player card. Either they have been in the position of a woman scorned or they have seen friends/family emotionally unbalanced. The result, a woman with balls! But, I don't think that women are capable of keeping the emotional aspect out of sex.
@ adetunji & 1beautiful mind - thanks glad you liked it and thanks for the comments.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how it is in other parts of the world, but the women competing with men seems to be more apparant in the UK than ever before in the workplace, drinking and sex. The statistics surround all three of these say it all aside from the general observations that a lot of women in this day and age really. And from what I've read in teens, the girls outdrink the boys (legal age in the UK is 18)
Young women's drinking 'to surge' (and this was written 3 years ago and it's still on the rise)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4470097.stm
Also pretty much every negative statistic relating to sex and STD's are the highest in the UK out of the whole of Europe.
It seems to have become an age of 'if you can't beat em, join em'
I had a conversation with a boy I was dating last year and we talked about the double standard and why it exists. He said he feels that when men have sex, they do it because they like sex. However, when women have sex, they do it for acceptance, personal validation, popularity, attention, money, etc. and are essentially selling themselves.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if really agreed with everything he said, but I know it is definitely true for some females, and could be the reason why so many feel such shame.