Old Age Pensioners Need Not Apply

I need to change my perfume. I really do, this past week or so I have been checked by so many old men it is unbelievable. These men are really checking for me like there is actually a hope in hell that I may, in some drug induced state actually give them my phone number. I will not!! It will not happen. Even if I reach 40 or 50 and am not married I will be a fabulous black Samantha Jones and get me a Smith, a young twenty something.

Just this morning at the dentist surgery whilst I'm paying for my treatments some old Jamaican man [who could have been my long lost father for all I know] was just gawking, gazing, mesmerised even after the woman told him to take a seat after his forms were filled out lingering around me like I was going to say something. I just cut my eye and kissed my teeth. I felt violated. UGH! Old and wrinkly looking at me like I'm a piece of good fried KFC legs, breasts and thighs. I think pretty much all my friends have experienced this, even my sister too.

My dad is the only old Jamaican man in my life and at 74 that's where it stops. Old West Indian men need not apply. You Jamaican cruffs get a clue. In the UK we aren't feeling you like the young somethings back home, marrying you in the hopes of a quick death to cash in an insurance policy. Old age African men don't do this to me so what in the world is in the water in JA?

It is so common I've noticed when a Jamaican man gets married again after being widowed [and it's usually a marriage that went from teens to 6 decades later] they end up marrying a young woman and pro-creating again. Although my grandfather didn't marry again he married a woman a lot younger than himself and my friends paternal grandfather became a dad again even though he has children around the 40 year mark.

Keep that ish in Jamaica. It can't run in London town.

Sorry grandpops, even if you are the last man standing, it's not gonna happen.