When I Get Married...

…the big extravagant dress, the horse drawn carriage to get me to the church fashionably late, the 10 tiered wedding cake, 5 or 6 bridesmaids, the cute flower girls, ring bearers, the huge church, the 3 course á la carte meal served for my hundreds of guests, and the themed buffet after party that goes on till 3 in the morning...

...I DON'T WANT IT!!

Would I love to be married someday? Definitely. The same goes for the children.

I am just not about to enter the most important part of my life with a bruck pocket.

I am not a girlie girl, I've only recently got in a certain level of girliness. I love my short dresses and heels but I love my crazy coloured sneakers and jeans when it suits me too. I've never been a traditionalist, and even if I was these traditional types of wedding set up whether big or small, personally does nothing for me.

When in love, I love to be in love and likewise [of course], love to have that reciprocated back to me. The thought of 'getting it right' and everything 'as perfect as possible' just seems so time consuming and a waste of that time when I could be marrying the love of my life. I don't want to wait a year or even two planning a 12 hour event. I could have been Mrs X by that time and carrying Baby X #1 already.

Does this much time and preparation go into actually planning the marriage as well? I don't think it does. Do a lot of couples actually try and prepare for the what ifs? Go to a pre-marriage counselling camp or just hope for the best as they are so in love and think it's going to last forever. Of course pre-marriage counselling isn't going to be a remedy for a possible divorce down the line, but it shows another level of commitment in my opinion, that this is so huge and important you'll do all that you can to make sure this works out as great as possible for the both of you. I love the idea of finding out where my other half to be stands on the money situation, paying the bills, where we're going to live and for how long, your house, my house or our house, having children when, and are we agreed or against giving up work to raise them etc etc etc. I can't plan every scenario but at least I need to be prepared for some and the most important ones. What if my intention was to never work and be a full-time mother but husband to be was not happy about being the sole provider? When you collide head on and aren't wearing your seat belt certain injuries could have been avoided if you'd have buckled up. I don't want to utter that dreaded line "well if I'd have know this before we got married…."

Not everybody needs pre-marriage counselling though in order to make it work. Some will just sail through till death to they part. All of my friends I know have great husbands, I can't even imagine them arguing [although I'm sure they do] let alone divorcing down the line. The friend-in-laws are here to stay!!

People choose their wedding set ups for different reasons. I personally don’t want a ton of people gawking at me. I'm an organisational freak and if I ever planned a wedding it would be ever so intricate down to the last detail. Hair, make up, shoes, dress, cake, food, table settings, colour scheme, honeymoon location, bridesmaids, their dresses, guest list….oh my gosh. On and on. And I could never hire a wedding planner either unless it was Mrs H. It all seems like so much of a headache. Just give me a few close friends [if that] or just me and him and a beautiful beach somewhere in Bora Bora. A wedding and honeymoon in one. If it's a big deal for family and friends then have a big party when we get back. Anybody that would want to get mad, then get mad, especially when you aren't contributing to the thousands being spent, but you surely have no problem in chowing down the food.

With the average cost of a wedding being crazy and ridiculous I would love to put that money toward securing our future together whether it be in a home, a business, children, a new car for me [smile]. I can't see myself contributing all of that time and money, thousands and in some cases, and a few years or lengthy months of preparation. And I've heard it before "but you only get to do it once." Since when? Tell that to Elizabeth Taylor, Zsa Zsa Gabor and Pamela Anderson.

I don't need the gifts. I can hardly think of what I may need as a married person that I don't already have as a singleton in my own home. I have a kettle thanks. I do my toast under the grill. Champagne flutes, already have them. Dinner sets, got that too. I never really want for anything, because if I want it that badly 9 times out of 10 I go out and get it. So the thought of making a list of items that are going to remain boxed or put away in that sideboard and only come out for special occasions is beyond me.

I mean the poor brotha, he spends, what is it….? 2 or 3 times his monthly salary on your engagement ring and you keep his ass waiting for how long, when all he has to do is get a suit and show up. You're off getting make up colours tested, the hairstyle rehearsal, the countless fittings, shopping for crappy pieces of shit to adorn the table that no one pays attention to anyway, but you've searched website after website to find the perfect table confetti to be the right shade of gold to compliment the overall colour scheme.

But I hear you say

"It has to be just right"

No my marriage has to be just right. That's all I care about. Kudos to those that love the big traditional wedding. I love attending them and being in them, especially where it's been those dear to me that have gotten married. For some having their friends and family is so very important for them. For me not so much even though my family and friends are important to me. Luckily my family are so cool about things and years ago I asked my mother if I ran off and got married would she be upset. She said no, she'd be happy for me to do whatever I wanted, and raised me to be independent.

I never want to be a bridezilla. I watch these wedding shows and think $150,000 on a wedding? That's a house in Texas for goodness sake.

For me when I break it down the cost of everything for literally a 12 or so hour day is ludicrous. And the preparation leading up to it can be exhausting. It's not for me. Like I said, a beach on Bora Bora and I'll be fine with that.

Although you better believe I'll be having my cake and eating it too. Three kinds at that. White sponge, chocolate sponge and West Indian fruit cake [laced with lots of rum]!

It's funny I just refreshed my Facebook status on my Blackberry. A girl I went to school with says, and I quote. "Claire is getting married in 260 days time!!!!" - Girlfriend you've got time to wait.