What Women Want

I've read a few books to figure out the basics of the male species [enough to get by anyway]. I can now see why they act a certain way when women say or do things that are very typical of women in relationships. I'm extremely open minded and can be honest with myself, and can always see and admit where I've gone wrong. After venturing down the book route and reading about 'men do Y because women do X' my eyes widened as if I'd stumbled upon the holy grail about 'them n us' and realised where I'd gone wrong in a man's eyes from my womanly doings and why things go the way they go [downhill]. After reading Why Men Love Bitches and He's Just Not That Into You [soon to be a movie release in 2009] decided a certain [past] somebody needed to be cut off and cut out of my life 110%. I was a dumb fool in thinking if I acted differently than I did in my longest and most successful relationship then this would somehow work. Boy was I wrong and that book was so right, both of them were, one written by a man the other by a woman. Sherry and Greg both know their stuff.

For nearly nine years I was that bitch that Sherry Argov wrote about in her book in my first and longest relationship, and looking back this is probably one of the main reasons we lasted so long. With the guys that followed I was the opposite of that bitch and acted like the woman I now despise. Please don't get it twisted a bitch is not a 'bitch bitch' to the man, but a term used to describe her as the 'sure of herself' woman. It's not a man hating book, it's simply a book that describes why men are attracted to a certain type of woman and in certain instances this is how you need to handle the situation as a woman in the relationship. My friend had put this into practice and it worked for her. A few others had read the book and put elements of it into practice, again it worked. It's common sense and so simple. We are just programmed from an early age to pamper, suffocate and just drape ourselves over our men, forgetting we need to sustain that level of independence and 'do as you please' attitude in a relationship and not 'giving up our lives, losing our minds and living for our men.' It's not the thing that they were probably attracted to [Independence and the ability to stand on our own two feet] in the first place.

But what about the men that have no clue about women? Is there an international best seller for them aside from Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?

"What do you women want?"

I hear men say that quite a bit. Are they asking me personally or want me to respond on behalf of the 3 billion plus women globally?

Fellas, there is no general answer to that question. What woman may want in a man the other may not want. Some women are all about the money, house and car others are about romance, manners and respect. Some love to be held and hold hands any chance they get, some women can't stand PDA's [Public Displays of Affection] privately and/or in public. Some women don't even care if their man is faithful as long as he spends x amount on her. I really am sure that less and less people are really not afraid of catching some disgusting sexual disease with a mindset like that. Some women are simply fussy and some women really have no clue as to what they want and just take whatever comes along.

Maybe it's all in the delivery. Asking a woman a question that pertains to 50% of the global population you'll probably draw a few blank stares. Never have I had a man ask me personally what would I/do I want from him [maybe I have and have just forgotten]. And if I did I could give a more detailed tailor made response to that.

So here are my wants and do not wants. Some maybe be applicable to a lot of women some may not. You men are always asking so here is an answer…for once..and an honest one at that, from one sure of herself woman who's not afraid to tell.

Do Not Wants
Cheats - aside from emotions hurt and trust diminished, HIV/AIDS are real. You do not get a second chance to put my life at risk coupled with hurting me in the process. There is plenty of time to think about it being a mistake from the not so innocent chat, to the kiss, the texts and emails before your dick gets hard and penetration occurs. Dating or marriage I could never forgive or reconcile after that. I know me too well to know if I lay with you again after that I will be doing 20 to life and my staple colour will be orange.

Liars - everyone tells white lies nobody is 100% honest. I just appreciate people being as honest with me as possible . Relationships are built on trust. If you are a constant liar then there really is no hope, is there?

Men who are bad in bed - I don't need to say any more than that.

Control freaks - My hair and my clothes and how I choose to wear them are my own personal choice. I do not need to be dictated to in what to wear, how I wear it and where I wear it. I've made it through nearly 30 years I think I'm doing OK, thank you. I will cut my hair, braid it from time to time and colour it as and when I choose. Do not ask me to change. I know what is appropriate for the movies, a wedding, church and an evening gala. If you don't like what I am wearing then you do not have to attend with me, I will go solo. Step out with me when you like what I have on.

Men with bad hygiene - This shouldn't even be up for discussion. Water, soap, deodorant, toothpaste and a toothbrush are not expensive and extremely essential. Good teeth and good breath too! We have to kiss you and a lot more, make sure it's fresh and clean. Please be clean gentlemen and smell good. You'd want the same from us.

A lazy ass man - Maintain yourself, just like how I am doing. If your vehicle's value is equal to that of a small apartment and you still live at home with your parents then your priorities are all wrong. Whether at school, work or both do your thing by legal means and legal means only. Thugs, drug runners, those brothas that do a lil bit of this and a lil bit of that need to stay away from me. Far far away. I love working and brothas in school continuing with their education if that's their choice later on in life. Smoking weed and playing dominoes Monday to Friday is not a profession.

Post coital relations - That's sex! In some ways I'm programmed like a man. I like a good old fashioned sleep. If you have time to talk you have time to go for round 2. If you don't I'm ready for a nap, thank you very much.

Delusional men - Let me be bold here...Not every woman wants a big dick. Nothing worse than a well endowed man who is just useless. A bruised cervix is not appealing or comfortable. An average sized guy who knows how to work it is just fine and important. A big dick is severely over rated. The same way not all guys love big breasts like we women think they do, not all women deisre mandingos. I'm a woman what we tell you and what we tell our girls are two different things.

Sex, sex, sex, sex - Can a sistah breath? Damn you just found out my name and all you want to do is hit it. Stay the hell away. I don't want a man that has ran through half of the female population and I certainly don't want a man who isn't even interested in finding out about me as a person and getting to know me intimately on a non-physical level.

Drama - Over bearing rude mothers who think you are trying to ruin their baby and C-R-A-Z-Y Ex-girlfriends/wives. Keep that sorry shit to yourself. I've experienced both. Not doing it again, because I will end up in jail.

Wants
You know something, I paused on this one. Reeling off the things you do not want is easy. **TAKES A DEEP BREATH** OK here goes…

Honesty - that one speaks for itself.

Respect - It goes both ways.

Manners - I'm a please and thank you kind of girl. I can't lie I do love it when a guy holds the door open, lets you go first and pulls out the chair I think it's so sweet. I love that.

Loyalty - I think for a lot of men if they are still shagging senselessly into their thirties then just carry on with it and have your fun. Once you know/feel it's out of your system, if you feel ready to enter a monogamous relationship then please be prepared to sleep with one woman and one woman only at the same time. And if you can't then end it before you decide to cheat. Like men will listen to that but that's the right thing to do...

Money - I earn mine and it's enough, how much you earn is of no interest to me. Can you keep the roof over your head, pay the bills, buy your clothes and pay the bill when you decide to ask me out? [Not you ask me out then pretend you've left your wallet at home] Well then it's all good. I'm not looking for a ball player type with a multi million dollar contract. To some women the paycheck is important. I think having my back in the tough times when you really need somebody is more important than that.

Dates - They should not stop once your married or have children. Date night should be a continual thing. Hey it works for Michelle and Barack. I don't want to get with a brotha that feels once he has you becomes content and feels he doesn't have to live up to anything anymore.

Romance - I used to hate it, but now I love it. Flowers, the surprise "get ready, we're going out" on the spur of the moment dates. A cooked meal when you're not expecting it. Just a phone call to say I'm thinking about you. Hell, even a post it on the refrigerator with a cute message. YES PLEASE! Shoot, even a night in in sweats, cuddled up on the sofa watching a movie can be romantic [just no chick flicks].

Cuddles - I am very tactile I love to hold hands and love cuddles just whenever. Enough said. Just don't cuddle me when I'm asleep sleep. Falling asleep is fine but as soon as I'm out you are free to roll over to your side of the bed.

Independence - I am not the type of woman to blow up a man's phone and find out where he is and who is he with. Do you because I'm definitely going to be doing me. I do not want a man to check in with me for permission to go to a post work drink. As long as his plans don't conflict with anything that we've planned is fine. I would only call from a safety aspect letting somebody know where I am but outings with the boys are encouraged because I will definitely be doing my own outings with the girls and vacations to when the mood takes me. I do not like to be confined and never in my relationships previously have I made a man feel bad for going on vacation or out to the club with his friends.

Space - I need mine. I live alone and am used to it, and being up under a guy 24/7 is not healthy. It's great to miss him and be missed right back.

Attentive & Understanding - Not every day is going to be peachy and there are days when a woman just needs a hug and a friendly ear. I keep the moaning and whining for the girlfriends, and the needy hugs for the other half [if I had an other half LOL]. When you go through your lowest and look your worst [No MAC. No Flat Irons] you really need to know that when you need him your man will be there to support you, whether you want that support or not, just knowing he's there is enough.

Punctuality - Please don't keep us waiting. If you say 8pm then don't show up at 8:30pm with no apology or warning that you are running late. And brothas please do not pacify us, if you are going to call or e-mail then please do just that at some point in this lifetime. Always telling us stuff you think we want to hear. If you don't call or e-mail when you say you will just a little apology will do. We'd appreciate that.

Just a GOOD man - Like I said thugs and all that are not appealing. I like good guys [the ones that feel they always come last]. A straight up good man who just wants to be appreciated and appreciate his woman is just high on my list. Everything I've listed in 'wants' and then some. Best friend material, the funny guy, the listener, the perfect lover that knows how to hit every spot [yes I'm talking sexually] and just blow your mind as well from something sweet that he says to you. The man that will hold you when you are down and lift you when you are up. A man that can make you melt just by looking at you and can take your breath away with a sweet kiss…

…that's what women REALLY want...and none of mine included a house, car or a Prada handbag...