Forgive Me Father - For I am still in a Funky Ass Mood

Before I went to bed after writing the 'I'm in a Funk' post, I decided to read the bible verse and Abraham Hicks quote I had received for that day but didn't get around to reading out of pure laziness. They both seemed to be right on time and really spoke to me.

"If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." 1 John 1:6-7

What I like about this Bible subscription is that if you don't quite get the Bible verse, they break it down for you.
The first false claim is to have fellowship with God while failing to reflect His moral character. Walk refers to a way of life or daily practice. To walk in darkness means to live contrary to the moral character of God, to live a sinful life. To claim fellowship with God without living a moral life or practicing the truth is to live a lie, since God cannot compromise His holiness to accommodate sin.

My fellowship with God is severely lacking. I cannot remember the last time I prayed. It's been a few months, it went from daily to just whenever. I haven't been consistent since Roman died to be honest. And after that God was not in my good books. All of these crack heads, murderers, parents who abuse their kids walking around and you wanted to take my friends little baby 3 days before their first wedding anniversary. But it’s OK I get it, it's a test of faith [and I'm saying it cynically], we're all supposed to feel fucked up in order to reach out to you in our time of need when it all gets too much.

Abraham Hicks Quote of the Day:
Tell everyone you know: "My happiness depends on me, so you're off the hook." And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they're doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel—and then, you'll love them all. Because the only reason you don't love them, is because you're using them as your excuse to not feel good.

If you could see my face right now. Happy it is not. In my head I can reel off a list of everything I should be grateful for, but I'm not exuding that openly. I'm a very closed book right now. I'm having one of those "I wish you would" mornings. Say something, do something , I wish you would. Just so I could. That's why in this office right now I will not be vocal. I won't speak to anybody unless it's work related because office banter is not on my list of things to participate in. I'm an unsociable butterfly, but I need to get in that sociable mood as tomorrow is Miss D's birthday drinks. My emotions are so _____________ right now, literally flat lining I can't even get excited about going out tomorrow, or London Fashion Weekend on Sunday. And if you can't get excited about shopping then something is up.

I got a call from a recruitment agency about 15 minutes ago, who told me the same thing I already know "Although there aren't many jobs out there, people are still hiring" And that's exactly why I have no fear about moving on. The guy is going to call me back later on this afternoon to have a more in depth chat. Sneaking around the corner to take the call only so much can be discussed.

I'm just pissed about the way they have done it here regarding the permanent position. 2 contractors out of a team of 4 and you haven't even offered them the prospect of going permanent? I know they wouldn't have offered it to me as I down a fixed contract for 6 months [but that was pre-credit crunch and wasn't a permanent position], I'd be taking a hefty pay cut to go that route, and I don't do pay cuts [they don't know that though - it would have been nice to be asked], but what about the other guy here too?

All in all that call from the agency gave me a little buzz. I woke up this morning in such a stinking mood, I think it was worse than the pre-bedtime funk last night [or the early hours of this morning I should say].

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:21-24

Lets hope I can hope in something positive today…..