26 Nov 2008

There Is Such A Thing As Too Much

I was going through some excel files and deleting a lot of crap not related to work. I came across one file and it was a spreadsheet of different flight prices, dates and hotels for a vacation. Not for myself but for a friend and her husband. One look at that spreadsheet, I took a deep sigh, shook my head and promptly deleted it. This is the shit I was talking about. Why in the hell was I going out of my way like a raas claat travel agent searching for holidays for other people? I must have had an "I'll do it for you" complex [raises hand in the air and jumps up and down like a friggin 5 year old], because I've even had another friend ring me up solely to search for a holiday for her and her family because "I'm so good at it." Oh really? I maybe good at it but not anymore. Turn your bitch ass computer on and type in www.google.com The only person that gets a pass is my mother, she doesn't know how to use the Internet or even own a computer, plus she's my mother she gave birth to me with no drugs it's the least I could do. In instances like these, this is a great example of when my phone rings, when there is the need for a babysitter, to be travel agent or some fool who knows how to use Google and search for a good deal on whatever.

I received a text from a friend today, just texting to say she was thinking of me, to say hello and that we must meet up before Christmas. That was so sweet I really appreciated that. No other motive than to say "Hey, I'm thinking of you."

When you're the friend that calls every damn minute, forwards on the e-mails that will be of benefit for a shopping discount, free pizza or fantastic rate savings account, makes the visits and does anything for them you at some point begin to feel like the MUG. When you take a step back, take a breather and just conduct a little experiment to see what it's like when you suddenly remove yourself from the equation, you stop visiting, calling, e-mailing and there are no checks to see if you're OK and wonder what in the hell has happened to you. I start to wonder just how much of my concerted effort on the friendship tip is responsible for the lengthy friendships. If I never called, organised time together, e-mailed etc would we be as close? And would we have known each other for x amount of years, or just drifted apart to be only one day associated through social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook?

I'm now a convenience to myself, not anybody else. If anybody wants to get mad for my self admissions so be it. I don't care anymore. I think those 10 nights venturing the 5931 miles to South East Asia BY MYSELF did me a world of good. I became more independent and ballsy in a different kind of way. I'm a lot more outspoken and direct. I was before, but now I hold back by probably about 2% compared to say 20% like before. I'm not phased, not scared, and I don't care as much as I used to as to what people think of me. Nothing happened on my vacation that gave me this different outlook on life, I just came back feeling different. Maybe being the only black girl for miles and out of the comfort zone but feeling comfortable will do that to you. You get stared at so much you don't care anymore it's like "And what...?" [throws aggressive black girl look] you develop a thicker skin I suppose in more ways than one.

So as the title of this blog goes, there is such a thing as too much. My black ass is currently in retirement. On sabbatical. Having a long vacation. Out to lunch. Pick one and get in line. Just don't moan at me if your feet hurt for waiting too long.

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