Just Do You!...Keep It Moving!

So I'm sitting here 10-11pm at night on a Tuesday, typing up some blogs to be posted for the next day and I get a 'ding dong' on the Blackberry. A reply on UberTwitter. I check it and see the following.

I'm thinking, "who the fuck is this? I'm not following this person. I don't recognise this person. Program? What Program? The only thing I've talked about today was the England match." I check Twitter on the web to see what it's in response to as I'm baffled. It's in response to a tweet I wrote in the early hours of Sunday morning whilst watching a repeat of Peckham Finishing School. The early hours of Sunday morning ya know!! 44 minutes after Saturday night done! So technically to me that was Sat-day, now I get this pon When-day? Yes Wednesday!

So I'm thinking..."the reply was a DIRECT reply to my tweet, although I have no idea who the hell you are on Twitter?" then it clicked. It was Peaches on Twitter tweeting me whilst Part 2 of the program was on air on BBC3.

Do people actually scour Twitter in the search field looking for things said about them, because this is how it came across to me? Who does that? I keep it to my timeline and any replies to me. I'm not out there searching for different variations of LondonDiva on Twitter. I tweet profusely all day everyday and must have clocked up 300-400 tweets since Sunday morning, so I know for a fact you wouldn't have seen that tweet in my timeline with ease.

JUST YESTERDAY! JUST YESTERDAY folks I tweeted "I am extremely comfortable & content with who I am. Are you? (A lil something to ask yourself & think about tweet)"

People who are content and comfortable with themselves don't feel the need to seek out criticism directed at them, then go ahead and justify it. If you decide to go on television then expect to be talked about in someway shape or form. Hey, it comes with the territory. Jesus himself wasn't liked by all, and our black arses ain't Jesus so people are gonna chit-chat-chot about us until the day we die.

One thing I refuse to do from now on, is to tell people who I am and how I am, especially if it's in a setting where the person is coming at me/has come at me in some way. You know why? That person in that particular place and time has not got my back, has not got my best interests at heart and simply DOES.NOT.KNOW.ME. 

I know me, my family and friends know me. The ones that call me, love me and care for me are the ones whose opinion of me matter [but only to an extent]. Everyone else can go jump.That whole response didn't reek of confidence to me, it reeked of insecurity. You search Twitter for something referring to you which is 4 days old and give it the "I am who I am" speech. What LondonDiva thinks of Peaches is irrelevant if Peaches is cool with Peaches.

Don't roll up to someone who was talking about you, whether it be on Twitter or the street and just start justifying yourself to them and apologising for it. I couldn't do that. I KNOW people chat about me in a not so good light and that's fine...let them get on with it because the kudos, props, praise and admiration for the ones I count in my life outweigh all that mess tenfold. I'm cool with me. I'm comfortable with me. I'm content with me, and maybe Peaches should adopt the same for herself and stop worrying about other people think of her. I'm not the first and I certainly will not be the last to say something she may not like. What is she going to do, text, phone, BBM, tweet, facebook, MySpace, IM, post a letter, leave a voicemail, send a carrier pigeon to everyone that utters a word about her and set them straight in some way even if it's in a polite manner?

You're gonna be awfully busy love. You got time.

Moral of the story which ties in with my tweet from yesterday? Don't give a frickety frack-a-lack-lack-fuck what anyone thinks about you. Just do you and keep it moving whilst wearing some mighty comfortable shoes cause you're going to be doing a lot of that. People are gonna talk all the live long day about you. That's life!

Time's Up

I've been patient. I've vented. I asked time and time again. I've received nothing in terms of effort. I am tired of asking.

I'm trying to put together a birthday book, think of it like a high school style year book, documenting 2009 for the 30th Birthday as a keepsake. I suggested the idea of doing a scrap type book and getting two copies published with pictures of what was happening, what we did etc in 2009 as well as on our birthdays.

Well after birthday dinner #1 which was on January 31st I was up until 5:38am [yes 5:38am] that very night until February 1st getting this book started. I e-mailed it over for my friend to get started on that very morning via e-mail. Sent a text to let them know I've e-mailed it over. I've made a few calls since then only specifically to say get it back to me so I can edit it and add pictures and then some. I've been told "yes" and "OK" merely to be pacified it seems. I'm not buying the "I'm busy" excuse, or "I've forgotten" or "I've had a lot on". I'm so busy [outside of the office] I'm having to actually do a month long project to organise all my shit over the course of the year for long term and short term goals. No one knows busy like me. Trust! [although there are some I'm sure]. So if I can do mine, they can do theirs.

I am NOT asking anymore. My stress levels don't need to be exhausted and I shouldn't have to ask more than once. I think a month is adequate time to open a word document, add the necessary text and send it back to me. Realistically it should take an hour at most. I've stressed the importance of having each month done on the book before the next month starts, so I'm not stressing in December trying to do a massive project. And now January and February entries are done on my part I've had nothing back from them. Sorry, my black ass isn't doing it. I asked more than once, and that is that.

No more of this bending for folks who seem to not be able to hear me when I speak. It's blatant disregard and lack of respect. I give people time. I give people notice. I'm not the type of person to do that to other people. Shoot, if I go three hours without returning an e-mail I'm racked with guilt. A bad habit I know, but I like to get back to people and treat people how I want to be treated and not keep them waiting or at least being apologetic if I do.

So what am I going to phone for again today? "Can you please add your parts and send it back to me please?" Only to be told "OK" and receive nada? My time is precious and it's being wasted. Part of this little project is being wasted in me waiting to add her parts to what I'm continuously adding onto.

I was waiting literally two days before the Birthday lunch #2 to find out where we were going and at what time when we'd discussed this from December 2008. My March and May restaurant choices have already been booked. This person organises for a living and can't even be organised with a friend. I'm sure deadlines would be met when it comes to her career, and the same dedication should follow through in their personal lives. The fact that this is a continuing issue used to pose a problem with me, but no more. I need joy and peace in my life on every level and those that can't come through, simply get left. *Holds hand up* I see this as the equivalent of being ignored, which is actually what it is. So based on this book AND the What Would You Do If…? Blog from yesterday.

I'M O.U.T.

It's been eradicated, therefore no stress, no more venting. See why I don't need a therapist? I get all my shit out, and what's not benefiting me or my needs, needs to be given the elbow. Not talking about the person, but this lack of effort.

I'll do me.

We're nearly 30 years old. There is no excuse. Fix up! Cha! I'll get vex with myself if I don't follow through. I'm tired of being disappointed by other people. So my book WILL get done and I've OFFICIALLY bowed out of the event. Thing is, they don't know [unless they read the blog]. Not being mean by not saying anything, but I think it's best not to mention it as it will cause an issue. I have no time for issues or potential unnecessary drama. I've advised that "not every fight needs to be fought." So for once I'm taking my own advice and keeping my cool. And most importantly please myself.

All this waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting on people. No more! Respect me. Respect my time.

God's Will. God's Hands.

I've been sitting here [at work] when I should be actually putting the key in the front door to get on and start clearing out all the crap and doing a spring clean. I'll get onto it later and probably listen to my Law of Attraction Podcasts and check out Joyce Meyer. Thanks Hay! X

Well in a nutshell, we've moved departments. The 3 of us [1 permanent member of staff and 2 contractors] one of the contractors being me, have a new boss. So I leave something on his desk to check last night and he says he's going off to interview someone with the other big boss.

So about an hour ago I ask him [blatantly like a black woman does] "so does that mean one of us are gonna be bumped to fill in this spot for the next person?" I don't mess about. If I want to know I'll ask.

He looked hesitant and said yes.

**LondonDiva VEX inside**

I've blogged about this before peeps, and as much as I'm prepared it still vexes me.

You want to interview all these candidates and you haven't even offered a perm position to one of the two sitting here? Why hire an unemployed person to make one of the 2 sitting here unemployed. If they want to go through the rigmarole of training someone then by all means.

The vex feeling in my stomach is wavering now. You know why? I give advice to people all the live long day. And I need to take my own advice. Sometimes I do. Sometimes it takes a little longer to kick in that I need to.

Before I leave this desk this evening I don't want to be going home vex and all "It's me. It's gonna be me. Yeah they're gonna get rid of the black woman over the white guy." But I'm not going to assume my job is safe either.

Now is a TOUGH climate to be unemployed in. But I need to remember and look back on all of the difficult times I've faced over the years and remember that God has never failed me. Never! If I was the one to go, well I look at it like this, room for a bigger and better opportunity from the man upstairs. It could even be his way of kicking my butt in a direction I should have taken years ago.

The Universe and God combined work harmoniously to give me what I want, when I NEED it. That I need to remember. I have one thing over my co-workers here faith and hope. I've been there with a ton of money in the bank I've been there with an overdraft and down to a borrowed £10 that I made last me the week the day I got a call getting the job at Merrill Lynch and Itsu [which I took in the evenings after Merrill Lynch] I didn't need the Itsu job but I was doubly blessed and worked two jobs. During those desperate times I never panicked, because I always said, God will provide for me! And he did, and he has.

For me to worry right now, today, lacks faith. Without faith there is no works. So come what may, certain decisions, the people that come into my life, the jobs I have, and the people I meet on my travels are for a reason, season or a lifetime. All serve a purpose at some point. Maybe I'm here for a few more months, maybe I'm not. But the next step will be bigger and better, that I definitely know.

So I'm going to remain FAITHFUL and not fearful.

Shoot, I may even pull out that Australia contact and see what the market is like there. Funny I picked up the Australia magazine last night and was having a flick through it for no reason, maybe there was a deeper reason behind it after all.

Shoegate

What in the world............?

I try on all 3 dresses last night with my platform heels only to find I just have the right foot. The last time I wore these was in Dallas and yes I even remember the date May 30th 2008 to Stone Trail. These came back to London so where and all of my shoes are paired away so why this buggering one is left lonely I don't know!

Did a squirrel jump in through my bedroom window and run off with it?

If you see this lonely left foot in a UK size 8 please let me know **sniff sniff**

Update: I'm Qualified

From where to next to now...

I had my TEFL [Teach English as a Foreign Language] course this weekend at Kingston University. I think this was the longest weekend of my entire life.

I'm now qualified to:

• Teach English as a Foreign Language overseas.
• Tutor non English speaking students at home in the UK.
• Teach English in Summer and Language schools in the UK.

To be honest I'm quite bloody proud of myself. I did something and actually saw it through, and should I decide to up and leave this country or work from home we'll I've added a few new options rather than just rely on Investment Banking to see me through.

I'm Sorry, I'm Going To Be Ignorant On Purpose

Seven days into the New Year and…

I've not read a newspaper.
I've not watched a news bulletin.
I've not read the news on the Internet.

I have however heard the news on the radio. I listen to talk radio [LBC 97.3 FM] much more than I watch TV, but as of tomorrow when my alarm goes off it's going to be set at Kiss 100 FM. Kiss FM's news bulletins are not on the hour exactly so that means that before waking up and thanking God I've lived to see another day, read a bible verse sent automated on my Blackberry and inspirational quote before I get out of bed, I'm not going to be bombarded with rape, murder, war, famine, and atrocity after atrocity in a 3 minute news segment on LBC. Then Nick Ferrari's breakfast show starts just after 7am and he deals with the big topics, politics, Gaza and Israel, baby killers etc and before my day has even started again more negativity pummelled into my psyche.

No, no, no, no, no

As I'm in the waiting room at the station this morning a ton of people are head down and concentrating on yesterday's news. You know what that is for the mind? A daily dose of Kebabs and McDonalds with a gallon of Coke on the side. I am more mindful of what I consume mentally over physically. I know there is famine, wars, murders, rapes happening all over the world and I really do not need to read a re-hash three times a day with the free morning Metro and two free papers in the evening. Most people read it and then what? Pretty much nothing. I'll choose not to read it and just be aware it's all happening and pray for as much peace as possible. OK so I'm unaware of political issues and the understanding of exactly what's happening in Gaza, I know it's happening but how it all started **shakes head** It doesn’t mean I don't care, but by reading about it doesn't equate to being some kind of humanitarian saint just because they are in the know. Are those that read the papers better than me somehow in my thought and feeling toward all of this bad news? There are people that read and don't give a fudge, and there are those that don't and do give a fudge.

I can honestly say my mood is better since not being privy to what's going on in the world. It's helped me to remain positive just by cutting down my news consumption to 1 or 2 three minute news segments over the course of a day, plus I can read more books where it used to be newspapers. My mind doesn't need to be fed that on a daily basis from every damn avenue. Living in London is depressing enough without bombarding my spirit with all of that negativity. I try to be as positive as possible and waking up to hearing that 5 days a week I can definitely do without. So as from tomorrow I'll be jamming to Ne-Yo or the Pussycat Dolls wiggling my toes under the covers at 7am rather than rolling over and groaning about some more dark, dank and depressing controversies.

Say What?: Part 9 - Black British Women, Stop The Winter Madness!

It's Wednesday, and since Monday's snow and continual ice on the ground and minus degree weather, now is not a time to look cute! It really isn't. It's about being practical! Unless you are a celebrity going from hotel entrance to a waiting car then you need your head examined!

I am a person who is extremely visual. I watch and analyse and take in a lot. Over the years some of these young black women over here are carrying on with a foolishness and let me indeed say taking on some 'white' traits like….and if you're from here will know this one...

Going to and coming from a club with no damn coat!! Huddled with your girls walking through Victoria station to get on the tube shivering whilst trying to look cute whilst saying loud enough to hear "Pernisha, come on nah, it's cold ta raas!!" It's £1.50 to put your coat in the cloakroom!!! Cheap ass! Walk wid some change! I know times are hard and you're trying to get in FREE B4 11 but does that mean spending nothing at all including the cloakroom fee just to say you had a cheap but good night out?

If your black ass donned a puffa you wouldn't have that problem then would you?

Now all in all everybody seems to have donned some sense over the past few days including the white folks who love nothing more than to constantly complain of 'being hot' and wearing next to nothing in cold weather. It's cold in the morning and reported yesterday -3 degrees in my borough. Now minus degree weather is very common at night, not during the day, so you know it's cold to the point of gloves and scarf are a must. But my dear fellow blog readers, Monday was snow, I was practically snowboarding in my trainers [sneakers] to the train station and toward the end of my tube journey I see a pair of 4-5 inch open toe and open black stilettos standing on the escalator. As I look up it's a sista!

You know when you have that look of shock on your face like someone close to you has just died, coupled with something rises up in your chest and you want to take your right hand and smack the back of their head? Well that's how I felt.

Case #2, this morning I go past the bus stop and see another sista wearing open toe sandals. I'm in Nike trainers again thick socks, scarf, puffa jacket, gloves and can feel the cold, looking nothing like how a Diva should look let me tell you. No matter how many years we've been here we ARE NOT designed for this climate and will feel the cold over any Caucasian any day. I don't know where these heifers were, but palm trees and Appleton rum I did not see. And I didn't see a steel band playing on the high street.

WTF is going on with our people? Open toe shoes in minus degree London weather with snow and ice on the ground. Spare me the mutha effin bullshit please, then you wanna talk about cold and being sick.

**kiss teet**

Next time I should ask one of these fools "Is your foot bottom not cold?" Mek dem feel shame!

Tip: Walk to work with your trainers and put the shoes on when you reach the office. Is that so hard a concept?

Yuh Nah Easy!!

{JA speak for 'You're not playin'}

My friend makes me laugh like crazy. I called her this evening to discuss Vegas plans and asked her if she'd bought herself a birthday present for January yet? She said she ordered it yesterday.

"So what did you get?"

She replies ever so calmly "A 40 inch plasma TV!"

Only Mrs H!! I love it! I was like "damn that makes my necklace look kinda dry", but luckily we've never been the female friends to compete with one another, only congratulate. I love it when she looks fly and vice versa, and that's how it should be. You know if you're doing well, get that great paying job, can travel where and when you want, buy whatever there are some people who you feel are secretly hating, can't be happy for you or even utter a compliment in your direction in all the years you've known them? Well she's not like that and neither am I!! We don't attempt to outdo each other either.

I can't be mad at her, like she said "I've always wanted to watch TV on a screen big enough without my glasses!" I love my necklace and I'm loving her treating herself, from what she's been through she bloody deserves it. My TV is coming this year but not just yet.

I can't wait to see what she gets in February.

Blast From The Past - Remember the 80's?

Got this from a friend on Facebook…So bloody true!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were.

When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill... barefoot...BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda. And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it, and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like call waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games Like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel. And there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK For cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

"Mr Sandman, Bring Me A Dream..."

With three alarms set I still managed to wake up at 12:06 in the sumummabitch afternoon. My black ass was supposed to be at work at 9am. 3 hours and 6 minutes later I'm wrapped up in a duvet. I get an e-mail from by boss's boss, and she's alright, just wanted to know if I was coming in today. I just called my colleague as another staff member is off and my manager is off sick, so it's just Joe alone. They weren't vex or anything, and bearing in mind I was complaining about feeling unwell yesterday, my story of oversleeping from taking Night Nurse stuck [I didn't take a blasted thing]. I was simply just really over tired and not feeling well at all. It wasn't even a case of I half woke up to shut off an alarm or three. The radio remained on for a whole hour. Nothing. The Blackberry alarm goes off for 90 minutes. Nothing. The alarm on my other phone went off. Nothing. Three different sets of noise ringing in my ears and I'm comatose like a mutha. I didn't even go to bed late either, so I must have been feeling it. Everyone [all of 2 people] were cool about it though, it's a quiet period where half the office is off and I apologised profusely.

I made it in at 1:45pm…being late is no excuse not to shower or do your make-up. Just because I feel under the weather, doesn't mean I have to look like it.

Black Women Don't Smile Much???

Interesting topic over at 'The Forum' last night, as to a poster whose husband noticed that black women don't smile much. It was the responses that tickled me and had me nodding in agreement which followed.

I looked around on my morning tube journey today and noticed the following.

White Men = Not Smiling
White Women = Not Smiling
Black Men = Not Smiling
Black Women = Not Smiling

Why is every little thing noticed by a black man about black women taken and just drawn out beyond belief. I'm sorry I'm not a smiling Becky. Why at a glance up from my book white women feel the need to crack a smile at me I don't know. Nor do I walk the streets looking like an escaped psych patient grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

I smile when I feel necessary when some emotion is stirring within my soul. For me to smile on demand looks fake, like the white women at me who mask staring at me for five minutes on the tube with a smile when I make eye contact letting them know to cool it with glares.

Some people are natural smilers others are not. If I'm around people I want to be around then I'll be more jubilant. If I'm walking to the post office or to the station, my normal to serious face is on. Why can't some brothas just get past the fact that we aren't here for your every beck and call, smiling included. I don't smile on command just because I see another brotha or sista for that matter. If I'm in a foreign land like when I was in Malaysia then that's a different matter. I greeted a brotha and him me because there were no other black people in the Golden Triangle area of Kuala Lumpur, you know how we do.

To be honest the same ones who have wanted me to crack a smile were hardly looking all jolly their damn selves. We don’t all have things on our mind [like we're a down trodden, weight of the world carrying species], we're just going about our business or might not find you all that cute to want to smile at. Ever think about that fellas?

Mad Is Not Even The Word

I went to my little cousin's 7th birthday party today. Her birthday was on Friday. Afterwards I went back to my aunts house with my cousin, my sister and our niece. My sister was having the girls for the night [we're all lunching tomorrow] so we went back to drop all the presents off and get her things for the night.

So while all of that is going on my aunt fills me in on the hard time my little bunny has been having at school. A hard enough time that my aunt wants her moved from class, and will start looking for a new school in the New Year. A hard enough time my little cousin has nobody to play with at school. A hard enough time that my aunt noticed two small patches of missing hair in her head that we both think is a result of stress from this all. One of these little bitches told my cousin to her face that she and some other girls were going to come to her party to beat her up. The little wench has no idea who her family are I suppose. There was more, but at 3am I'm too tired to list it all. I'd heard enough by then. I was trying so hard not to break down in front of my aunt. This evening I cannot lie I have been depressed as hell, low is not even the word. That little girl is my heart. I was right in the room when she was born. I cut her cord and I was the first one in the world to hold her. She's not like me or my sister who would slap a bitch in an instant, she's a sweet girl, the sweetest I know, but I know she's flipped already because she threatened to "slap the white off a girl" at school. Good on her too. And that's not like her.

She told her mum the reason she thinks this is happening is because she's black. She's the only black one in her class and she's the top of her class, Level 9 and the bitches are on Level 6 and 30 shades lighter than she is. She's already said she wants to go to Oxford University and become a heart surgeon [I don't know if Oxford is the right institution for that but at least she has high hopes]. She goes to a private school, and my aunt will be looking for another more mixed private school. I can honestly say my heart broke today for her. At 6 years old I knew nothing about prejudice and I was in school over 20 years ago and this BS is still going on in schools but are exposed to this at a much earlier age in life in 2008.

I couldn't even utter the word "hello" when I called Mrs H this evening, I just broke down. I just take comfort in the fact that my cousin talks to her mother and has plenty of people in her family that love and support her. I'm going to have to pull her aside tomorrow and let her know I'm here for her whenever she wants to come over and stay or call me on the phone, just reiterate that to her. There are kids under the age of 10 killing themselves because of similar situations. I will be damned if my cousin gets that affected that she has problems in later life, because I'll probably end up having a problem too and it's called jail time. When it comes to family I do not need to be tested in any capacity.

Where To Next? Part 3...Update!

I wrote Part 2 some weeks ago. I went to the fostering meeting, decided for now it's not for me in my life right now, the same with child minding.

Although with regard to the TEFL course at Kingston University, I got my letter through today confirming my place which starts on 10th January 2009. I haven't told anybody about it, except you blog readers. So in less than a month I will [not maybe] be internationally certified to teach English as a foreign language overseas.

Flippin heck, am I actually doing a little something with my life?

Law Of Attraction

I've been a user of this on and off, [although now more on] for a long while now. The ladies over at LHCF always start a monthly thread on it and to read all of the inspiring testimonials gives me that buzz to incorporate it back into my life on a stronger level. I personally do not participate much, I like to keep the daily list of what I'm grateful for private. That's just me.

First things first, it's no cult or worship, you don't need to spend a dime as there are free resources everywhere and podcasts to listen to if you so choose. It's not specifically for believers of God, Allah or Krishna and a lot of the thought process and advice given [or teachings if you will] are inspired from the bible and other religious and non-religious works. If you're religious I find it can only assist and encourage you and if you're not then it will do the same for your personal life minus the religious element. It can go from the basic premise of the 'starter' book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, to reading literature like the Master Key system, to the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Esther and Jerry Hicks, Dr Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay adorn my bookshelf with a few best selling titles that I nabbed in Amazon for half price. Like my relationship [with God] whether strained [from my end] or going extremely well, that along with this [LOA] I usually keep it personal and private because I find the opinions of others about how I choose to live my life which benefits me a tad grating and disrespectful. If you mention you believe in God then come the catty discussions about religion, wars and corrupt people. Seriously folks save it, I cannot be swayed. I can't speak for corrupt religious leaders, they have no bearing on me personally. The actions of a few make the majority look bad, the regular folks going on their daily business trying to do right spend so much energy have to defend their personal beliefs because over some nasty priests and the like who are nothing more than scum. And to be totally honest why do those who don't believe have a problem with those that do? [I may blog about this one day I'm sure] I for one am not bothered by atheists, agnostics and the like. Do you folks! Do you.
...but here I go digressing again.

Back to LOA. Ask. Believe. Receive. Sounds simple enough, not always when put into practise though. It takes a little bit of getting used to when you've asked and then you have to be open, faithful and positive that what you want shows up. I gave myself a little LOA challenge for December on the 1st of the month. When I'm not being lazy and only being thankful in my head [which still counts none the less] I write down everything I can think of for the day that I'm grateful for, read it over one more time then lock it along with the others in a perspex box. I guess physically I am counting my blessings. For me it's taking real time out to be grateful. It sounds easy but you have to be disciplined enough to take five minutes to write when all you want to do is retire to your bed for the night. I've noticed within myself I feel better the night before and have a better day following than if I don't do it.

So my little LOA challenge for December...I couldn't really think of anything I wanted so I made two requests. I wasn't going to go out of my way to really make it happen, simply ask, watch for signs and just be receptive to whatever good was coming my way. One was to make £700 outside of my salary this month [how I don't know, but I thought OK this will be a challenge as I'm not even doing any trading right about now]. The second was great news surrounding my current job or a new one on the way. It's currently 00:39 as I write this and got home at 00:05. My parents came by to pick up some DVDs I'd left in the porch when I was at work. On returning home my mum had left a brown envelope with 2 separate envelopes inside. One read Naomi important items inside. The other Naomi. Open with care from dad. And the other Naomi on the front and my initials NCM scrawled on the back. It's only me that lives here, but my mother wants to make sure I know these envelopes are for me right? **Go figure** In one I knew she had left a picture that I asked for of my cousin Ronni so no surprise there, and in each of the other two were gifts of money from each of my parents. I'm standing there just staring at the cash in my hallway thinking Holy Shit [and yes I called them and said thank you].

With regard to the job, well there was a meeting with the little team of the four of us and were told that we are splitting from our manager and moving to a new team. We will be there next month and possibly a bit longer into February or until further notice, which suits me fine because December 31st is supposed to be my last day. The calls on the agency front have been dead.

**NOT EVEN ANY CHIRPING CRICKETS**

Just straight up dead, and on Wednesday the lack of calls from agencies popped into my head but I quickly shifted that thought into a positive one and just said nonchalantly to myself. I'm going to get a call from an agency today. Not even 20 minutes and my phone rang about a contract job at BGI [perfect because I don't want to go perm]. She asked me how much I was on and said they should have no problem matching that, that it was based in the City [Canary Wharf is too far] and that they are a really great team to work for and all the people that they place there really love working for them. With some firms this is true and I haven't heard a consultant speak so highly about a firm in a long time.

What I wrote on the card was specific to location, pay, the people and flexibility in time off [for my holidays]. The job they put me forward for ticked all of the boxes which I specified twelve days ago.

I blogged about writing a book a few days ago. Well I've started, I have the idea but will tell you another lil story before bed. That same day I had come up with a title 'In The Eye of the Beholder.' For what it was about [which I'm not divulging until I make sure I'm in the know 100% about copyright] that title was already taken a few times over [which I know is not a problem] and quite frankly I had gone off it and wasn't feeling it anymore. So I went to sleep on it. As soon as I woke up the next day the perfect title came into my head. Before I had even gotten up out of the bed.

The title is the name of a song and album by a very famous British band. I decided the main character was going to be named partially after that song title as the mother is a fan of the group and the album was released 2 days before she [main character] was born in 1979. Even now two days on, I'm happy with the title and it will stick. So I'm sitting on the train that very night and plots and characters have been in my head the whole time. I'm going through the purchased section of songs from Itunes. Now I take ALL of the free songs and videos that Itunes offer on the homepage. I don't even know the song titles or artists. I don't even care what genre it is. Every Monday I check for the Free tab click it whilst sipping a hot chocolate not even paying attention and never listen to them. Black people will take freeness, it's a fact. So I have about 100+ of those crappy songs accumulated over 2 years by underground artists trying to get recognition from Free Download of the Week. I'm hitting the buttons with my Ipod in my pocket not even looking at it and stop on #18 and listen. "Hold up a second what the hell is this old time song?" It sounded familiar as I'd been humming it when I went on Wikipedia to find out a little background into the song for research into the title. As God is my witness it was the same song playing, which was also the same title of the book and my characters name I came up with that morning. I have never willingly downloaded any of this group's music of the 3,000+ songs I have on my ipod but it seems one week Itunes went way back to 79 and had a free oldie. I downloaded that on 15th October [the info tells me] without a second thought...a couple of clicks and probably left the room to do something else.

All in all, I'll see how it goes from here on now. Look one 3x5 index card, a pen and a little positivity and faith surely isn't hurting me right about now.

Live It Up In Lisbon

Here I go again, another spur of the moment holiday break in mind. My boss got the new 09 calendars in today and I had a nose to see which days the UK Bank Holidays fell on for next year. I made a vow to do as much long and short haul travelling as possible. Just rack up as many destinations as I can and experience new places whether for a few days or few weeks.

*January - Baltimore, MD, USA for the Presidential Inauguration
*February - Stockholm Sweden…just because
*June - Las Vegas for the 30th Birthday Celebrations
*August - Berlin, Germany to cheer on Jamaica and Team GB in the World Championships

It will not stop there after August there are still 4 months to go and air miles to rack up.

The Easter period looks best for a long weekend away, and being located right in the middle of the world where 8 hours in either direction can have you located in the USA or Asia we have a great benefit being situated where we are when it comes to holidaying. 10th April to 13th April look best, wherever I am working next year I won't have to worry about sacrificing precious holiday time or losing any money taking the odd day off, so thought about European destinations. I could do a quickie weekender in NYC but I've been three times already and it's time for first time destinations for a little while.

Monte Carlo, Seville, Nice, Rome, Naples, Valencia...
all came to mind. Then I remember reading about the top 10 European hostels and Lisbon came to mind as Lisbon Lounge Hostel was rated #1. Portugal should be warm that time of year plus it's a city in a country I've never ventured to. So I did the flight searches KNOWING it was going to be high at Easter and they are around £145. Not too bad as a 3 night stay will set me back under £50 in total.

The hostel is called Lisbon Lounge Hostel and they have a sister hostel that opened up in July 08 called Living Lounge Hostel [that's the one I want to stay at] and for £16 a night looks real decent. The ratings by people that have stayed there are 96% and that coupled with the boutique clean look to it is right up my street.

I did vow for a while to get out of the hotel stays especially if I want to travel a lot more [Plus Fashogi's comment influenced me too…cheers TJ] and this is a good way to meet new people and keep the costs down. So I will be laying a 10% deposit down of £4.86 on the hostel today at just and book my flight in about 2 weeks time.

Again…didn't call a soul to come. Not looking for anybody to tag along. Just book it and go…life is too short to wait on folks. Just do you!

I'm In The Mood For Dancing

So I ventured out on Saturday to a ment2excel event at The Wall. A good time was had, so good the next morning I felt beat up, that's the worst I've felt post clubbing in what seems like forever.

Now I'm not the type of girl to leave my house for a night of clubbing other than that, a night of clubbing some serious hard bust a sweat dancing, and I remember the days circa 1996 when the place was so rammed full of people just hot and sweating. Girls never entered the clubs and left looking the exact same way. Make up was smeared from sweating profusely and the clothes were just sweated out. You didn't make any plans for the next day because clubbing consisted of being a two day event. Day 1- Party Hard. Day 2 - Recovery. That was the sure fire indicator that you know a good time was had.

Now circa 1996 Internet wasn't even on the scene like it is now. I remember around 98/99 getting hooked up online and just started seeing TV and newspaper ads from these things called Internet Service Providers about monthly contracts and from then it just blew up. Camera phones? PLEASE! It wasn't even like that back then and if your phone had a camera then it was top notch. I was sporting this in 1996 a Motorola M350 model on what was then Mercury 121 [that became One2One, that is now known as T-Mobile] and I'm proud to say I've had the same mobile number since I was 16 years old. I can never stand people who every time you bumped into them had a new number. But I digress. So where was I? Yes no camera phones, no Internet on phones, no picture messaging no WAP [mobile phone Internet] and certainly no Facebook or MySpace.

Go onto Facebook or MySpace and you'll see the typical up in the club poses. I have a few too, but you know something we have a rule.

RULE #1 We get there early I'm talking about 10-15 people up in the place early.
RULE #2 we take 1 or 2 pictures before we've even ordered a drink.
RULE #3 The camera stays out of sight for the rest of the night.

Fast forward to 2008. We have phones that can take pictures, pay your bills on, chat to people, send pictures, use the Internet, access Facebook and MySpace applications and we are also in the digital camera age. Oh my friggin goodness I am now clubbing with the Social Networking Junkies [SNJ]. I myself am a SNJ but this is a private affair that I do not inflict on anybody, only on those who are my friends online so please spare me the night out clubbing and the hoards of pictures taken on the dance floor. It was seriously ridiculous. The amount of times I had to stop mid dance whilst 8 girls gathered in a huddle tens of times over to take a picture. I am probably in the background of at least 150 pictures from Saturday night adorned on Facebook photo albums as that strange girl in the background with some hardcore dance face on.

Then there was…you know something let me list the idiotic club pet peeves I endured in one evening.

The constant picture taking which you know was taken solely for the SNJ to post their pictures on their pages. 1 or 5 is fine. No one wants to see the same group picture 38 times in your album with each one differing with a head tilt. Pick the best ones to put up and keep it moving.

The fools that made their way though a dense crowd and infringe on my dance space to only stand there and not even move. I am dancing hard to 'Swagga Like Us' and have to literally morph into a 2 step. NOT PLEASED

The same girl in the bubble dress and dead straight weave who I never saw dance all night. Just walk all over the club acting social with everybody for about 4 and a half hours. She left the same way she came into the club with a hair not even out of place or a droplet of sweat on her skin.

The light skinned crew. These men are too nice too dance. They stand in the corner or in your dance space trying to look real good like they are the flavour of the month. People get dressed, drive, find somewhere to park, pay to get in only to stand there the whole night until 3am.

The fool that seems to be in every club wearing sunglasses. It's December and freezing outside. Not even tinted but fully blacked out Gucci sunglasses with Gucci sneaks [bootleg!!!!] wearing a striped sweater holding a champagne glass and a bottle of bubbly [cheap shit!!!!] acting like he's somebody of some status, when you know he's probably living on a council estate with his mum and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Those that try too hard do just that…

Speaking of sweaters, weren't these men hot. Hot and foolish.

The girl who made her way to take up valuable dance space and stand in front of us only to have the nerve to fan herself like she was cooling down with her non-dancing self. "[Move bitch] get out the way" by Ludacris came to mind.

This same girl decided in the middle of a crowd with hip-hop blaring at club level she was going to stand there and make a call on her mobile. I can't even concentrate making a call with the TV or radio on. No attempt to move out to the quieter area by the front door. I bet it was a man she was calling and wanted him to know she was out enjoying herself without him. Sad...but women do this type of shit thinking it's impressive. And you know on a regular night at home she's not calling ANYBODY at 1:30am so why do it when you're at the club. And I know because she was a mother with her toddler child as the screen saver on her phone so you know she's probably desperate for sleep at 9:30pm.

More people just standing there making/answering calls and sending text messages in the club. I was out for a total of 5 hours door to door, I left the other half [Blackberry 8800] at home. My sister had hers and that was enough for an emergency other than that I'm out with who I needed to be with. Who the hell am I contacting that can't wait till Sunday and at a decent hour at that?

The non-movers n shakers. About 15-20% of the club capacity were dancing like they were there to dance. The British black women are really becoming concerned with leaving the club the same way they came in I don't give a zippidee doo da. Whether free, £5 or £10 entry I'm out cause I'm in the mood to dance and dance like a crazy black woman shaking off the working week I will. All these women just sitting down for the whole night looking pissed off. Why are you even there? I noticed this 'trend' when I went clubbing in New York, Las Vegas, Dallas and Houston. Miami folks were the only people who seemed to get down for the sake of getting down.

I don't get it. I just want to party and not care about the dress code. I'm tired of seeing pretentious prissy women and guys who think they are the shit just out to pose and do nothing else taking up valuable dance space and looking miserable the whole night. Then at 2:55am decide when the old skool jam comes on then it's ok to get a dance in knowing it's about to wrap up and there is no chance of perspiration, aching feet, and the hair remains as is. Not me. I'm a straight fool on a night out. If I have trouble walking to the car because my feet hurt, I'm so hot from dancing then freezing as the cold air licks me, my hair is just…over, face shiny from the foundation just saying "I give up" and cannot make me matte anymore, and I'm craving some yard [Jamaican] food from the Bagel King on Walworth where all the hungry South London 3am'ers head to before venturing home, then I know I've had a good time. And that's how it should be!!!

Although we never rounded it off with Bagel King on Saturday as my sister went via Brixton instead [and I respect that as her right as the driver] but the next time I drive I'm getting my 3am grub on. I had to settle for English Muffins with Blackcurrant Jam with some hot chocolate at home after the club was showered off me and headed to bed at 5am.

If It Doesn't Feel Right, Then I'm Not Doing It...

When you know, you just know!

And at 1:30am on a very early Friday morning, I know. I know that the 9am interview I have scheduled with ***** for a permanent position is not a job I want to be going for. I have many reasons, flexibility and a freer 2009 in an already hectic climate is one of them. If the market is going to be dire then let me be away from it for most of the year.

2009 and the year I turn 30 I want to make an interesting year. I want to do more things than I've ever done before, be more spontaneous and just live a little more interestingly than I've been doing previously. Contracting gives me more money, and more flexibility with my time. Granted it's not as stable, but looking at Lehman's and Citigroup employees over the past months it seems a lot of permanent folks have been worse off than I am at the moment and I'm employed!

This is the first time in all 11 years I have been working in the Banking & Financial sector that I've had HR call me directly from a company. [They are cost cutting by taking out the agencies and recruiting themselves]. They got my CV from one of two websites I have it posted on and the lady called me directly two days ago. Instantly I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place just trying so hard for that little voice inside to cut in and say "thanks, but no thanks." She sent me the spec, I agreed to be put forward only if I could get the highest salary that they were offering, and within minutes of submitting a covering letter with my CV in a word format via e-mail they wanted to see me for an interview.

Not an excited Diva to say the least. Pretty much like...

The credit crunch and my contract up at my current place of work in a few weeks is not even enough to get me excited or even wanting this job. I've given it thought, I've spoken to my mum about it and it doesn't feel right. If I was dedicated to making this happen I wouldn't be blogging at now 1:36am when I'd have to be up at 6:45 getting ready to make sure I got a train early enough to beat the rush hour and avoid potential delays. I would have been preparing interview questions and answers, instead I was having fun on Facebook.

I thought if they liked me and offered me the job how would I feel? I think pretty much like...

It's not the job or the sector. It's the fact that it's permanent. If she'd have said it's 3 - 6 months ongoing I'd be up for it. The job itself looks great but I know I wouldn't be committing to it in my heart of hearts and to have a perm job on my CV for less than a year is not going to look great for me at all. They want me to commit for at least 18 months. Well here's what I think to that.


Could they guarantee me with the thousands they've laid off this year I'd even have a job for 18 months?

I don't want to get comfortable having a recurring salary every month and getting into that zone that I've forgotten about making plans and deciding which way to go next. Sydney is still on the cards and speaking to my mother a few moments ago may look into contacting the agency in Oz and see about taking the steps to apply for the necessary visa and see how and when I could make this happen. If I just go and end up travelling for say 12 weeks then great, working out there and experiencing life on the other side of the world would be a great experience for me, I don't want to have to pass that up because I've got my slippers on under the desk all comfortable in my London office. I was permanent for 5 years and I left the day I handed in my notice in 2003. It literally made me sick right down to being signed off. You have a different set of balls as a temp than you do when you are permanent.

Being a contractor keeps me on my toes. Like I've said before we are like the backpackers of the workforce, taking what we can get, learning from that experience and moving on. Not knowing what's around the corner, but always getting to the next destination on time.

I'm not going to say yes to pacify anybody or to be made to feel like there is no other option but to take a perm position because things are a little bleak right now. The tubes are still crowded in the mornings so people are still going to work somewhere. I will find something when the time is right or it will find me.

I said to myself today that I need to have a little more faith, looking back I've always been OK. Jobs have always come right on time for me, and I've always made it through and by the grace of God he always delivers for me when I've needed him to. Now shall be no different. I told myself I am not going to worry about tomorrow anymore, as it's already taken care of. When the right job or opportunity comes along I'll be steered in the right direction, my phone will ring at the right time and I'll get the feeling I'm supposed to get when it all happens. Looking at this here experience, maybe it was brought to my attention for that very reason, to be comfortable to turn down what you think you need when it's not actually going to fulfil your needs. Almost like a test.

I feel as though I'm being shown two cards, both are guarantees of me being OK in the end [as in financially stable] but both have different degrees of happiness involved. Take the card on the left, it's a quick term fix which you pretty much got in the bag, but in the long run you'll sacrifice a lot of what will make you happy for. Being comfortable and a stagnant routine will be ever present. Or you can take the card on the right, it's a longer journey, but one you'll have to take in faith in making it to the other end in one piece. Along the way maybe a little bumpy, but expect a lot of fun and rewarding experiences. The only stipulation with that one is the prize is bigger, there's just a longer wait for it. In law of attraction and faith in general the premise is to enjoy the here and now because what you want is in the making and it is coming. To hurry it up [or in this case take the first thing that comes along out of fear or frustration] messes up the plan that God and you have for yourself. I'm sorry **** and this job doesn't feel like a plan for me in mine or God's plan at all. As soon as I get in I'll be planning my escape.

When you know, you just know and have to at all times trust that inner voice and do what you think is right and that applies to any and every life instance and experience.

She'll [HR] be pissed, but she'll get over it. I guarantee you though that she won't be as pissed as me if I got that job and took it.

There Is Such A Thing As Too Much

I was going through some excel files and deleting a lot of crap not related to work. I came across one file and it was a spreadsheet of different flight prices, dates and hotels for a vacation. Not for myself but for a friend and her husband. One look at that spreadsheet, I took a deep sigh, shook my head and promptly deleted it. This is the shit I was talking about. Why in the hell was I going out of my way like a raas claat travel agent searching for holidays for other people? I must have had an "I'll do it for you" complex [raises hand in the air and jumps up and down like a friggin 5 year old], because I've even had another friend ring me up solely to search for a holiday for her and her family because "I'm so good at it." Oh really? I maybe good at it but not anymore. Turn your bitch ass computer on and type in www.google.com The only person that gets a pass is my mother, she doesn't know how to use the Internet or even own a computer, plus she's my mother she gave birth to me with no drugs it's the least I could do. In instances like these, this is a great example of when my phone rings, when there is the need for a babysitter, to be travel agent or some fool who knows how to use Google and search for a good deal on whatever.

I received a text from a friend today, just texting to say she was thinking of me, to say hello and that we must meet up before Christmas. That was so sweet I really appreciated that. No other motive than to say "Hey, I'm thinking of you."

When you're the friend that calls every damn minute, forwards on the e-mails that will be of benefit for a shopping discount, free pizza or fantastic rate savings account, makes the visits and does anything for them you at some point begin to feel like the MUG. When you take a step back, take a breather and just conduct a little experiment to see what it's like when you suddenly remove yourself from the equation, you stop visiting, calling, e-mailing and there are no checks to see if you're OK and wonder what in the hell has happened to you. I start to wonder just how much of my concerted effort on the friendship tip is responsible for the lengthy friendships. If I never called, organised time together, e-mailed etc would we be as close? And would we have known each other for x amount of years, or just drifted apart to be only one day associated through social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook?

I'm now a convenience to myself, not anybody else. If anybody wants to get mad for my self admissions so be it. I don't care anymore. I think those 10 nights venturing the 5931 miles to South East Asia BY MYSELF did me a world of good. I became more independent and ballsy in a different kind of way. I'm a lot more outspoken and direct. I was before, but now I hold back by probably about 2% compared to say 20% like before. I'm not phased, not scared, and I don't care as much as I used to as to what people think of me. Nothing happened on my vacation that gave me this different outlook on life, I just came back feeling different. Maybe being the only black girl for miles and out of the comfort zone but feeling comfortable will do that to you. You get stared at so much you don't care anymore it's like "And what...?" [throws aggressive black girl look] you develop a thicker skin I suppose in more ways than one.

So as the title of this blog goes, there is such a thing as too much. My black ass is currently in retirement. On sabbatical. Having a long vacation. Out to lunch. Pick one and get in line. Just don't moan at me if your feet hurt for waiting too long.

Law Of Attraction In Effect Perhaps?

Like I've blogged before I haven't been reading the papers on purpose or watching the news, however somebody's free paper on the Tube journey on the way home last night caught my eye when I saw that Richard Branson was teaming up with Air Asia to do cheap one way flights to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for £99. Should I do an on the spur of the moment booking for next October??? Hmmmmmmmm

So I grab a spare copy on the train for the sole purpose to read about the flights and hot foot it to the over ground station.

Back up about 10 hours earlier around 9am and I'm in the shower blasting a Coldplay song from their new album in the house, and I'm there thinking "It would great if Coldplay hooked up with Jay-Z and did a concert together."
Fast forward to 19:12 that very same day - Low and behold I'm at Victoria train station and an image of Jay-Z flashes up on the big screen TV on Sky News I didn't have my contact lenses in so I couldn't read the headline and my train was leaving in 3 minutes and had no time for that although I wanted to know why was my beloved Jigga in the news. I open the paper on the train and see an advertisement that just jumps out at me. The tickets for the Coldplay and Jay-Z concert go on sale this Friday morning at 9:30am!!

As God is my witness I had heard of no talks of this collaboration happening at all anywhere, but to just think it that morning and then BAM see the advertisement in the paper about the Wembley Stadium gig next September, I felt like one of those crazy women with cats who could see into the future.

Strange things like this happen all the time to me. I was 'chatting' with a MySpace buddy this weekend I went to college with him 13 years ago and I lost contact a friend of both of ours. So he messages me back saying he'd really like to get in contact with Peter and Gavin as they were his old skool crew. I said I'd keep a look out. Fast forward to yesterday, now bare in mind I've lived in the area for 21 years and see the same faces all the time. I take the same 7 minute walk to the train station and pass the same people like it's Groundhog Day. So this week I'm on the new late shift we're implementing at work and leave around 9:30 ish. Who the hell passes me by looking dead on in my face, none other than Gavin who knows Peter [who I had an old e-mail address for which is about 2 years old and I know from speaking to Peter that him and Gavin are still tight] and they both know Mr MySpace and we all went to the same college together and hung out together sometimes. I was in such shock I just carried on walking thinking "No wayyyyyyyy!".

This morning I was running for the train but left 10 minutes earlier, again like Groundhog Day I see Gavin again. I didn't even have the time to stop and ask him for an e-mail or phone number. I mean just two days ago Mr MySpace mentions his boy from 13 years ago and now two days running we pass each other, looking but not saying anything. If I see him tomorrow I'll say something.

How bizarre!!!

Sorry I'm Late

I fall into the common stereotype associated with us black folks.

BPT (Black People's Time) or CPT (Coloured People's Time) whichever you prefer [as I don't use the term coloured, it's BPT for me]

Every damn day I'm either late or on time [and for me that's anywhere between 9:02 or 9:06 am]. I'll be lucky if I'm here at 8:57 or 9:00 on the dot. It just never happens. I'm at the point where I'm just mad at myself, mad for sleeping through the snooze button, mad for getting the train that may get me in on time, mad for white people always being on time and in before me, mad for being pulled up at every damn job about my timekeeping and mad for just not caring enough at all. IT HAS TO STOP! I don't want to be one of those mothers who always makes her children late for school or keep a man waiting for 2 hours before I decide to walk down the aisle.

Right! From tomorrow I'm going to adopt a better attitude to time keeping, because I'm at the point where after 13 years I can no longer make the excuse that the train was delayed [even though it was this morning]. If I leave the house at a decent time, then even with a train delay I should be in on time.

Although if I have a flight to catch I'm at the airport before the desk even opens and 3 hours before the flight takes off…**rolls eyes at ones self** I don't know any black people that are ever late to the airport. I'm sure there are some but we'll turn up on time to leave the country won't we?