What Kind Of A Friend Are You?

"If I don't phone you, you won't phone me."

That's pretty much how it goes and I think how it's been for the most part. As you get older and the dynamics change everyone gets paired off, the phone stops ringing all together.

It's funny I have to go 10,000 miles away to be missed and if a few days goes by it's worry central. It's not like that back home. I get made to feel a little bad for going on holiday like no one can do without me, the "hurry home" bit, but once I'm back no missed calls.

I'm not sad about it, trust me I am not. Even with regard to friends and family now I'm a lot more ME orientated and have developed this new found selfishness. Unless absolutely necessary I'm not picking up the phone like I used to and calling this one and that one like I always do. I barely see anybody these days anyway it's a wonder to think if I packed up and moved to another country would I be sad about it. I really don't think I would you know, as harsh as that may sound. CHA! There is e-mail, web cams, text messaging, picture messaging, instant messaging, Facebook, MySpace and much more. Look at this monster they've created!

I'm always the one that phones, texts or goes over to so and so's house. Well goddamit I have a house too come and see me for a change, talking about "Nai when are you coming over?" You have a car and I have a house, I'm tired of going to see your lazy ass and doing the 40 minute round trip on foot and coming home at 2am and you don't even offer to drop my black ass home. Doesn't anyone want to go for a drink or a meal for that matter what's all this chillin round somebody's house business?

After my break in Thailand and Malaysia I feel different. A LOT bolder than I used to be, and if anybody knew me before, knew I was bold enough already. I also am not in the mood to pick up the phone out of habit and make those daily phone calls anymore. You know the ones where you call so much the friend sees your missed call and never returns it because they know you'll phone back, so why bother or you're talking and they are watching the TV or talking to somebody else in the room. It's not even about that anymore.

Fast approaching 30 [not scared or concerned about that] and can't be bothered with the bullshit. All that time checkin in with folks, that you forget to check in with yourself and figure out what is important to you rather than try and be confidant and counsellor all the damn time that you become so wrapped up in others over yourself. I can do the movies, restaurants, and vacations by myself. I'll invite you but if you can't make or take too long in getting back to me I'm going anyway. Bye! See ya later! Ciao! And when I feel the need to not act dead my sister is always up for clubbing as she seems to be the only one I know in South-East London that knows how to have a good time on the regular, and when there knows where the dance floor is instead of sitting down there like a wooden plank.

I know I'm a good friend, I'd like to think I am, the longevity of my friendships reflect that, but you know what...sometimes it gets tiring and I feel VERY unappreciated at times. Then that feeling of un-appreciation transcends into something totally different and I think that's where I'm at now. I don't mind 'this' the here and now it suits me and I'm cool with that. Everybody knows my number, knows where I live, the Facebook and MySpace ID's, numerous e-mail addresses and IM usernames. If there's a dire emergency then I'm sure someone will be able to find me, until then I'm laying real low.