20 Jun 2009

Open Letter To Michael Bay Re: Transformers, By A Pissed Off IMDB Poster

This was not written by myself.

"Dear Michael Bay, and the rest of the Transformers production team.

I recently saw your film Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, I was thoroughly looking forward to this outing after the first Transformers movie where I thought you were all respectful of the previous incarnations while putting your own stamp on the franchise. I felt by the end of the movie that the Transformers could really make a go of it in the 21st century.

So imagine my horror when I come to watch the sequel, there are so many things that disappointed me I don't know where to begin. But I will list my grievances numerically.

1. Swearing. Now I am no prude and often when down the local pub you will hear me uttering swear words. I don't however use it as a means to impress my friends, this is seemingly what the writers of Revenge of the fallen did, while also making the robots seemed like they were naughty school children using the language. Quite why Wheelie had to use the term *beep* the bed' is beyond me. He could have simply used the term 'got out of the wrong side of the bed' it was an unnecessary swear word and quite frankly the film is full of them. One swear word may have been a necessity in this picture at some point, probably in a battle scene.

2. Sophomore humour. I could write a whole new list for this, but it mostly comes from the Twins. They had potential to be goofy but most of the time come off as uneducated idiots who didn't have the brain capacity to use proper words so resorted to petty name calling. Again coming back to wheelie quite why a robot would want to hump Megan Fox's leg is beyond me, yes she is an insanely attractive girl but why would a robot care. My main problem with this part however is who was it marketed towards? Adults in the cinema i was in didn't find it funny, in fact most of them were trying to explain to their kids (who also weren't laughing) what in the world was going on. The 18-30 demographic simply sighed at the poor attempt at humour. Same goes for the dogs they got two scenes and both of them it showed some form of sexual connotations. your film was 2 and a half hours long I'm sure the dog sex could have been left on the cutting room floor.

All in all I found the humour to be extremely forced and extremely childish. And again much like the swearing unnecessary. It seemed like it was purely things Micheal Bay would find funny. Also a mother doing drugs? Honestly? That 70's Show called, they want their ideas back.

3. Human problems. Remind me why we care again? So they wont say they love each other, leave it to Oprah. They have been embroiled in battles with Aliens I'm sure they will survive ordinary relationship problems. Also was the point of the room mate really just to introduce John Turturo? Needless, and once again seemed to be put in just to get to the desired run time. I have less problems with this, but it did seem to be more American Pie than Transformers at times.

4. Number of robots. Look its simple if you aren't going to give ample screen time to some robots don't put them in. There was a green Decepticon that looked cool in there in Egypt but I had no idea who he was and what his deal was. Also devastator added nothing, its one of the coolest concepts in transformers, either pee or get off the pot. The half baked version used simply left me feeling frustrating.

5. Fight scenes being clumsy. Either not being able to make out where the robots heads are, or not being able to work out who was punching who. But the real crux came in Egypt, news flash for the transformers team, we cant see a fight going on if you put the camera behind a pillar. The special effects looked amazing, its a shame that together the transformers make one giant coloured ball with no distinguishing features.

6. The Fallen: you placed your entire film title on him. Use him, 5 minutes at the end honestly what was the point? Beaten by a Frankenstein prime doesn't really do it for me, especially when The Fallen had a good hour to get to earth before prime was brought back to life, bit pointless him turning up the second he comes back to life. As a character it had so much potential. But like every other major plot line in this film was suffocated due to the film having to many other pointless strands (the whole college scene could have gone it was utterly pointless)

7. Transforming sound. Where is it? its the most iconic sound of every incarnation of the transformers. Bring it back NOW. And I don't mean just once or twice as you did I mean the majority of the time.

8. Megatron's attitude. Megatron wants to take over the Galaxy. Always has always will. he HATES answering to anyone. For goodness sake I thought Orci knew this being a big G1 fan? being a little slave to the fallen was just sad to watch, especially when two dogs humping had about as much screen time as the Fallen did.

In conclusion, this whole cinema experience left me feel flat. To much pointless human problems, and not enough exploring of the really big issues which could have been fleshed out (Matrix, Primes, Fallen, Megaton's role as Decepticon leader. Soundwave's role. I could go on!) In one film I feel you have managed to take away a real essence of what the Transformers are meant to be about, ideas were rushed and it seems lessons were so not learnt from the first movie that they were actually extenuated.

I'm sad to say but I find a tonne of Bay arrogance over this film, its a big middle finger up to anyone who criticised his first Transformers film, and overall I feel that Micheal Bay hasn't taken anything on board from the vocal fans. I am not some fan boy just a big fan of the Franchise that is Transformers and I was so disappointed at this offering I just had to vent.

Yours sincerely,

Annoyed of UK."

1 comment:

  1. Cul blog, keep it up!
    Check out mine:
    'blackspace and milan'


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