20 Nov 2009

Where Are The Real Gentle-Men?

I've spoken with guys [especially here in London] about the whole chivalry thing. I've witnessed rude ass women not even say thank you when a man has held the door open for them, and I can see why some men get pissed off and refuse to do it going forward. Fellas, regardless of how many times a woman may not thank you for your efforts, please don't stop being a gentleman because you will always come across a REAL woman who knows how to appreciate the little things that a man does [and I'm not even speaking on a romantic level, just in general].

I got on the Tube today for the first time in over a month.  I've been stateside for 3 weeks, so have totally been out of the whole 'London State of Mind.' For all of those that don't know...London is a city full of bad manners and rudeness. Oh don't get me wrong, you want a good time, want to earn money then it's the greatest place to be, but don't expect much in the ways of common courteousy very often, or you will be left very disppointed.  So I'm sitting there reading my book and see a married couple get on the Tube. Around mid 40's, he's well over 6ft tall, she's petite, both able bodied, he's stocky...and he sits his ass down in the only available seat and continues to have a conversation with his idiot wife who is standing  up on the tube in front of him.

You know when you have those moments like, "Is he for real?" Well I couldn't help but to stop and stare.

The last seat and you take it.
The last seat and you make your wife stand up in front of you.
The last seat and you didn't even offer it to your woman.


A man who isn't even considerate enough to even offer.  Scratch that. He shouldn't have to offer. The last seat should be yours. That's his wife and unless dude is crippled or is carrying a cane, "stand yo ass up!"

She's at fault too, because she allows it.  I don't even know if I have the patience to even allow that mess just ONCE. There are some things as a man that you should know, unless the 'Three C' rule applies [Crippled or Carrying a Cane], the seat always goes to the woman.

Now Londoners I'm sure you've seen during the rush hour the empty seat scenario. Man and woman both heading for the seat. One is polite [the man] v the one who is the idiot [the woman]. Why is she the idiot? Because she actually extends her hand as a silent gesture AFTER the man has done the same to say "would you like the seat? I'm far to independant and liberated to even accept such a kind hearted gesture from a gentleman like yourself. Due to my constant need to always be in control and have that power, even over total strangers I will emasculate you and make you feel like the bitch who needs the seat."

Why is accepting a seat so hard for so many women in this city? Do they really feel it detracts from their power [whatever that might be]?

I don't have time for that mess.  My independant and liberated ass is taking the seat. I'm a woman, you're a man, if the Three C rule doesn't apply, I'll say thank you and take the seat.  You're always saying how we are the weaker sex.  Well case closed, my weak ass needs a seat thank you very much you strong, empowered man!

Let me speak for myself here..

I'm not impressed by the fancy cars, clothes, money etc.  I'm sure if I was 'that kinda woman' I would have no problem in getting and keeping [even for a short while] a man who had all of that. But if there is nothing in the 'how he treats me' department I am NOT interested.

There is something WAY more fulfilling than a guy with money and material possessions. It's called a gentleman.  A man who knows how to speak to and treat his woman. It costs nothing, but the effort is a hell of a lot more than simply flashing a credit card and buying her something fancy to 'prove' that you're sorry or care for her.  I'm an action speak louder than words kind of woman. Yes you can flap your gums about all that you want from me, for us etc etc. But I need to see that somehow. And small GENUINE gestures can go a VERY long way.

You taking the seat and not even considering me is NOT showing that you have much regard or consideration for me at all. In my head I'd be calling him all types of bastard in different dialects.

Think about it, it's always something small. If your own husband isn't even considerate enough to consider you when it comes to a seat, then what in the hell is he like when it comes to holding the door open for you, to taking care of you when you're sick?

There's asshole and then there's asshole. I'm prepared for asshole in the 'having a bad day sense' but that type of asshole *shakes head* I would never want.

Men sometimes think we are clocking how much they make, how much they spend on us and forgetting all of the rest. I watch closely for everything but that. Doors being held open, asking me about MY day, how he speaks to me, how affectionate he is, considering me when it comes to where do you want to go [short term] compared to where do you want to go [long term] etc etc etc. When you're looking for a man, a REAL man, soul mate, partner, love of your life those are the things that I think are extremely important. If the money runs out then what??? You're ass out and stuck with an asshole. A lack of consideration towards me over a long period of time with no hope of changing, would be the kicker for me that would make me want to leave. Not the cash running out or anything like that. To me money doesn't maketh the man. I prefer heart, mind, body and soul over any of that any day.

And as for the seat thing, I'm not a poor and defenseless woman, but damn...some of you always talk about wanting to be THE man, wanting to be the provider...then provide your woman with the damn seat and STOP YOUR NOISE. It's not about providing us with financial stability and material possessions and calling it a day. Some of us aren't that bloody greedy and complicated you know.


  1. You've said it all!!Londoners are rude..rude..rude!!
    I'm coming into our office building this morning, a woman's walking towards me on her way out..i hold the door for coz she has quite a few bags..DID I GET A THANK YOU?!?NOPE, She walked past me as if I was the darn porter holding the door for..I was in shock..I had to say 'Excuse you!!', security guy looked at me and smiled knowingly...The cheek of that woman..wait till i bump into her again!!
    I didnt curse but bwoy i felt like it!!
    The seat thing - once saw a guy seat let his girlfriend stand, he didnt offer to hold her bags kept moving his gums talking to her and m like wt?? And notice how a guy in a suit will go all animalstic shoving past you for that empty seat?
    The little things go a long way more than the material possessions!!

  2. I love this blog entry!! Sometimes, under the stresses and strains of life you do forgot the little gestures that make the hard day that little bit easier!

    I need to be more grateful for my husband.

    Wow, what kind of man was that? Although I must admit, I don't encounter such a rudeness that you and Shonavixen speak of when I go to London, I don't go central London more than once a month though, so maybe I get lucky!!

  3. My word - I want to just say


    Seriously - it's such a small gesture but you can tell a lot about a man by how gentlemanly he behaves. A lot of them quote feminism and ask why, if we fought for this "equality" should we not open our own doors and offer seats. My response has always been, I'm fully capable of openning my own door, carrying my own bags, but if somebody offers to do that for me, why am I going to say no?

    As for rude Londoners...

    ... once I threw up at a busy central london station in rush hour - just after getting off a train. It took 15MINUTES for somebody to stop and offer to help me as I sat/ laid on the platform. Londoners are some of the most self involved people on the planet!


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