6 Apr 2010

My Phone Number/BBM/E-Mail address Is Not A License To Me And My Time!

Which part of “I am busy” do people men not understand? Can I please get in my front door, take a shower then breathe before I get a barrage of Blackberry messages asking in desperation “are you gonna call?” “Call me.”


Or when I do call (or he calls), the conversation ends…yet going on midnight he wants me to call him back later???? What is with that??? I am going to my damn bed! AND before bed I need some time to myself!

If I say “I’ll call you tomorrow” please don’t ask me why? It’s like going to a store and asking for credit; ‘don’t be offended if you get an answer you may not like.’

I don’t have to be doing much of anything.
I don’t answer to anybody so chances are I’m not going to be answering to you either.
You don’t need to know that I want to watch my favourite TV program.
…that I want to take a long bath whilst listening to a Steve Allen podcast.
…that it’s movie time
…that I just want some damn peace and quiet and may want an early night and don’t want to speak to anybody!!

I have those moments. I am used to being with someone and liking it and I am used to being by myself and liking it too. I like ME time. I really do. I am very comfortable by myself in a space where I don’t have to answer to anybody.


The other night I was speaking to this guy and he was getting off work and asked me what was I doing later. I said I was going to wash my hair and then chill and watch a movie. Bear in mind it was 22:30 at this point. I am A BLACK WOMAN; we aren’t on some Vidal Sassoon Wash n Go ish like our Caucasian counterparts. Washing our hair IS AN EVENT. *All my sistas who agree with me say AMEN!* By the time I’m done washing, conditioning, detangling, moisturising and styling my hair the birds are up and tweeting going on 6 in the morning. So even after I throw in ‘wash my hair and watch a movie’ line this guy is on a “text me when you’re done and we can talk later” flex.


WHICH.PART.BRUV? Did you not hear “watch a movie”? A movie lasts on average 100 minutes and it’s already 22:30. After 45 minutes and 18 seconds, I’m quite alright after speaking to you, thanks. I don’t need anymore tonight!

Needless to say I didn’t wash my hair and I didn’t watch a movie. I hate that feeling where you feel like you have to rush what you’re doing to call a person back or even lie so you don’t have to call back. I’m not down with that at all. OK I may feel differently if he would have said “no worries take your time I’m up until ‘X’ o’clock” or “if you’re too busy tonight, we can talk tomorrow.” THAT I am open and more receptive to. All of this demanding, I can’t stand and I don’t like it. It’s a turn off. I’m sick of dealing with men with no damn consideration, especially for my time. My time is PRECIOUS and recently enough of it has been wasted. The Lord God is not giving me back that time either, so going forward I need to invest it wisely.

If a day goes by without me replying to some guys e-mail I get some message back on this, “oh so it’s like that?” tip. *insert screw face here* I don’t even respond I simply DELETE.

As much as I want to say, “I had x, y, and z to do as well as, I have a life in between me logging onto my computer and a full-time job,” I don’t. The old me couldn’t wait to tell some of these dudes about themselves. Now I get more pleasure hitting the delete button. Actions speak louder than words. My lack of action in dealing with certain individuals speaks volumes these days, trust me.

I had an old friend pop up out of the blue a short while ago. I installed my instant messenger accounts back on my Blackberry and must have left it on whilst I was asleep. I wake up at 4:02am [yes very precise I know] so we get to talking, it had been a couple of years since we last caught up. The next day he messages me saying that he’s going to make more of an effort to keep in touch this time around. I responded positively, and because I say the exact same wording as I had to a previous message hours before, he took that as me wanting him to leave me alone.


I guess being repetitive to a guy means “she’s bored or lying.” I was too through, but had to break it down to him rather than hit delete because he is the sweetest thing since sliced bread a Gregg’s Belgian Bun and I didn’t want there to be a misunderstanding. I noticed that with both of us being typical Cancers we are sensitive as hell. I have time for him because he’s cool and decent, but with some of the others my patience just wears very thin, and I really have no time for it at all.

I’m putting my foot down a lot harder than I ever have done before. Some of these traits need to be nipped in the bud with a quickness. I don’t know what kind of woman some of these dudes were with before but I am not the one.

Just for the record fellas if a woman tells you her name. We’d like for you to use it please unless she states otherwise.

It’s not: Babe/Babes, Baby, Sexy Lady, Fine Ass or Hun.

As for pictures, we don’t mind you sending pics of yourself either, but taking your shirt off is not a good look, whether you’re buff or not. It screams conceited. It really does. And not all women faint like a stan at a Michael Jackson concert circa 1988 at the sight of firm abs and a chest.

Be yourself, stop with the demands, insensitivity and PLEASE for the love of all things holy, keep your damn shirt on.

Most of all, have some consideration. We have lives and are busy. We don’t go home to paint our nails and sit by the phone all night like that girl in “He’s just not that into you” waiting for you to call. Sometimes WE’RE just not that into you, or we are but you’re just keen to the point of suffocation that it can be over bearing.

Basic things women do that men may have no clue we do:

Watch TV
Have ME time
Go the spa/nail salon/hair salon
Wash our hair
Have personal projects going on
Spend time socialising with friends
Speak to people other than yourself
Go clubbing
Work on our business [so in the future we’re not dependant on you if you decide to run off and do a ‘Tiger Woods/Jesse James on us.]
Watch a movie
Plug OUT the phone/SWITCH the cell phone off/Put it on silent
Work out
Go to the theatre

For a lot of us modern day women all of the above are normal for us to do on a regular basis. During these moments we don’t really have the time to be speaking to you. Please remember that. We’re not trying to be cruel, we’re trying to have a life and live a life. The very thing you require that we have, so we aren’t clinging onto you 24/7. If you want an independent free thinking woman then know that sometimes her time maybe limited. If this isn’t for you then there are plenty of gold diggers with little time on their hands just waiting for you to call them at all hours of the day and night.

1 comment:

  1. Michael Jackson with no shirt on is one of the MANY greatest gifts he gave to us women. Then again, everyone has a right to their opinion.


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