24 May 2010

Not Married? Then You're Not A Husband Or Wife Are You?

"Once upon a time in the year 2000 there was an RnB group by the name of Next. During this year Next released a song called Wifey and that's when the foolishness started to develop tenfold.

Guys and girls in relationships all over the lands far and wide were oh so happy. Women everywhere without non-committed men felt like queens, and men saved about 5 years and £3000 on a ring, replaced this with a new word and everybody was happy. All of the wifeys and all the kings men lived forever in unholy matrimony.

The End"
For the past decade I have remained silent on this topic, but today is the day I break my silence and get a lil 'LD' with it. You see non-married men and women everywhere are calling each other wifey and hubby.

The truth is wifey and hubby, your asses ain't married and probably aren't going to be anytime soon.  In conversations and online I've seen and heard people refer to their other halves by these names and it make me cringe and the blood inside my 5ft 8inch frame boil, and I'll tell you why. You want to be associated with a term you know nothing about and aren't actually a part of.  When you have parents married for almost 30 years, have grandparents who got together at the age of 15, got married, had 9 kids together, and death parted them it makes a mockery of those who actually were TRULY committed to one another and made a go of it. Those are married folks. Leave the term to the veterans and the ones who are just starting out.

hubby -
Derived from the noun "husband", it is used to identify one's boyfriend (either signifying his potential as a husband, implying the presence of spousal attributes, or indicate ownage of one's boyfriend.)
"I love you, hubby. I hope to one day have your babies."

"Whatchu lookin at my hubby fo, you skank ho!"
wifey -
Derived from the noun "wife", it is used to indentify one's girlfriend (either signifying her potential as a wife, implying the presence of spousal attributes, or to indicate her ownage in order to fend off perverted dickheads who try and catch a look at one's girl.)
"She's more than my girl, she's my wifey."

"You lookin at my wifey, muthafucka!?"

It's like running 2 market stalls and calling yourself the CEO of a corporation.
It's like playing football every Sunday with your mates and calling yourself a Premiership footballer.
It's like getting a A on a test and all you did was copy off of somebody else's test paper.

Women calling their men hubby and men calling their women wifey or wife needs to stop. You are not doing anything special just because y'all had a baby together or have been together for x amount of years. That doesn't make you married or remotely close to it. You have done nothing that makes you committed to one another. So you have a kid together? That's not a commitment. That's a case of, you got knocked up and he stuck around out of choice or guilt. He calls you wifey or wife, gives you one or maybe more kids and you're feeling special because.......? I would not be feeling any kind of special if that were me. No ma'am. No sir. No way. No how. If it works for you fine, that not my bag at all.

So you live together and split the bills. That's not a commitment. That's convenience. Living together doesn't make him any more committed. It makes him a smart bastard. Half the bills means he saves more money, easier to get regular sex, doesn't always have to cook, maybe gets his clothes washed and ironed too. It means you don't have to shell out as much on living expenses if you were living alone. Flatmates and housemates share the bills too. Again you're nothing special because your keys fit the same lock to a roof over your head. If I was a married woman and heard a woman refer to herself as his wife and she was just his girlfriends (a) I'd feel like this lazy heffer was taking the piss and (b) I'd have to verbally check her and tell her to know her role, as wife ain't it.
In fact what this does for a  lot of people, men especially, is buy them time. Think about it. A lot of women out there are FREE MILK and honey, you are one cow he is not thinking about buying just yet, and why should he? You just made it oh so easy and a lot longer to never becoming a wife on paper [if that is indeed your true goal]. So all he has to to do is call you wifey/wife and you're on cloud nine? You're officially easy, but you think you're smart. Nope he's the smart one and he's running shit. That word is giving you "it's gonna happen soon" hope and buying him time to not make an effort in getting a ring or marry you. If a man gets with a single woman and she's not giving him any babies or the key to her home and he really wants that woman....I bet you any money they'll probably be engaged and married within 18 months. Why? Because ol dude has to get off his arse and make sure he has the means to snag his woman and keep her before another man does. He has to actually work at keeping her interested, attentive and in love. He knows she's on the open market for any other man who may sweep her off her feet, given the chance, and he knows words like wife/wifey are banned and she doesn't play that. He can't keep her on the sidelines with a baby, and he sure as hell cannot come into her home after work, kick off his shoes, rub his belly and ask where his dinner is. Those men are the ones who start looking at rings and actually thinking about a commitment. When I say commitment I'm talking about ring, setting a date and planning a wedding, none of this 12 years being engaged crap, just to shut a woman up, that seems to be now in fashion.

When you look at friends and family members who are married you realise that shit is hard work, dedication and a serious commitment. I'm not saying the same doesn't occur in a regular relationship, but marriage changes things and I've heard from more people than not that is indeed the case. I've heard of instances happening where a couple have been together for 8, 9, 10 years, they get married and then it falls apart in less than 2 years. It's not a damn curse, it's because the dynamic changes when people get married and these folks think "it's just a piece of paper." Yeah really? Your asses are more committed than you thought. Thought it was about the dress, cake and party huh?? Welcome to the real world.

You see, being with your man or woman for a long period of time does NOT grant you to call yourself something which you are not. There are many words, terms, phrases below out there for two people who are not married so pick one and keep it moving. Tired of people who don't believe in/too lazy for marriage, using words to describe two married people that aren't actually married. You're a piss taker. 

Other half
Significant other
My woman
My lady

My man
Other half
Significant other

I cannot think of any others for now, but I'm sure you are familiar with the above said terms.

I am a fan of marriage and married people getting together for the long haul. I refuse to call it old fashioned. There's nothing old fashioned about marriage. That's probably said by a bunch of people who know they don't have a hope in hell of getting married anyway so start this new age "it's only a piece of paper" bullshit. 

Like I said earlier, being together for along time doesn't mean jack. I was in an eight and a half year relationship from the age of 16. My friend was in a ten year relationship from the age of 16. None of these relationships resulted in children I might add., but I never thought because it's long term let me cling onto some label just to sound relevant or make my relationship seem more important than it actually was. It wasn't. He wasn't committing to me and I wasn't committing to him. We were simply boyfriend and girlfriend in love, who had been together for a long ass time and that was it.

My point is this, leave the term hubby, husband, wife or wifey for those who are actually married folks. You jump from girlfriend to wife, but don't think to call yourself fiancee? Well why not? 

...Yes exactly, that would be ridiculous! Calling yourself a fiancee because there is no ring, yet have no problem calling yourself wife when there is no engagement ring, wedding ring, signed on paper or official change from Miss to Mrs.

Get a clue and leave the big words for the big folks actually committed and bustin their asses in a marriage.

Please and Thank You


  1. Now I keep singing 'Will you be my wifey,yes I will be your wifey'.
    You've said it girl - why say he's my 'hubby' when you don't say 'you're married'?Folks need to stop it!!

  2. I 100% agree.....when folks ask me how's my husband (re: bf) i give them the look...he aint out any ring on it...
    well i refer to my boyfriend as my lover.....cuz really thats what he is till he proves himself more....lol

  3. Self-delusion is a hell of a drug.

  4. @China Blue, who are you referring to as being self-delusional? Myself or the people I am writing about???

  5. Totally agree with Funms. and you of course. Besides, a certain form of complacency seems to set in when chics start calling their boyfriends "hubby" and vice versa. Seen it happen.

  6. Now, will you still dance to this Next tune when it comes on???
    You've made some very interesting points, I agree with a lot you say. I think it is a hell of a lot worse when people actually do refer to each other as 'husband' and 'wife' when they are not at all married, which is far more annoying. I think nowadays a Wifey/Hubby referal to your SO is an instant notification that this is not your legal spouse in modern street culture- just as baby mother and babyfather is a referral to someone you had a kid with, live a apart from and shag occassionally .


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