LD Get's A 'Lil' Personal: “So Here’s Your Standing O”

“Round of applause

To the biggest fool in the world

Give em all that you got

And they still ride out into the sunset with the next girl” Standing O – Mariah Carey (Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel)

Yes my darling bloggers, here I am quoting Mariah Carey lyrics again, your girl LondonDiva is back and has been well and truly…how can I put it ‘Ashley Cole’d.’ Now for those who are not aware of the likes of Ashley Cole on these UK shores he’s a man that likes to cheat and send sex text messages to other women. Basically humiliate the woman he ‘claims’ to be in love with.

If you get a mate who cheated on their mate, you’ll be with a mate who cheats on his mate (#don’t/get/it/twisted) –Rev Run

WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY TRULY ARE. BELIEVE THEM!

Jesus has shown me the light, and I THANK GOD that is NOT a part of my life anymore!

“Praise Jesus, Hallelujah, let the church say amen!”

Now I’ve heard women say they would never go through a man’s ‘personal’ things, because “if you search for something, you will find it.”

Now those sound to me like women who believe ALL men are cheats and would rather NOT know if something was up, yet KNOW that something IS up! There are women who find a good, trusting man and doesn’t go through his things because he is a REAL man and acting accordingly when it comes to his woman and his relationship. He’s not just spouting out stuff he thinks she likes to hear. Which is what this critter of a lame ass excuse for a man-boy I was involved with was doing.

Now listen up ladies, not all men are dogs and not all men cheat. I still believe that. Always have. Always will. Don’t listen to a man who tells you that all men cheat. He is a prick. Stay far away from him. Don’t date him. Don’t make your girlfriends date him either. Unless he has asked over 3 billion men that populate this earth his statistics are off. What you don’t want to do is tell him especially in the UK that the number of women cheating is on the increase. The probability of these men finding out are probably in the region of 0-2% as we’re better at hiding it than they are. Just so ya know fellas **wink wink**

I don’t think the actions of one man who didn’t act right with me is any reason to tarnish the reputations of every other man on the planet, or have the next one pay for what the last one did. The next man will NOT be paying for what he did. Trust me on that. I take everyone at face value. I do not tarnish all with the same brush.

With the mentality of believing all men cheat, that’s how a lot of you stay miserable with no good men. Stay miserable, I don’t care. I believe in love, I believe I will find TRUE love which I have experienced in the past and not this fake shit this imbecile tried to pass off as love. I believe I will get married and have our babies and all the other good stuff that comes along with it. You know why, because I deserve it. I believe that God willing he knows my hearts desire and most definitely will not fall short when it comes to finding the ying to my yang.

You know what’s funny, I actually believe it and feel it’s on it’s way to me now, more than I did than when I was with him. Ain’t that some finny ish? I’m in a very good place emotionally.

Women have ‘women’s intuition’ for a reason. It’s your internal GPS system. Let it guide you to find out the dirt you suspect through things he says or doesn’t do, or how he acts and treats you. Just because you go through the things of one man it does not mean that a woman will do it with all of the men she has been with or will be in the future.

I have been in an 8+ year trusting, loving and respectful relationship before and never worried about any other women. Why? I was with a man who genuinely loved me. He never just told me, his actions were deafeningly loud. I was with a man who actually got pretty upset about women trying to get with him when he was with me. Even after telling them he had a girlfriend and them not listening he’d have to resort to showing them my picture he carried around in his wallet and start a conversation talking about me. His actions showed me he loved me. In more ways than I can mention in this blog. That was one little one of many.

He had a female friend [who knew about me] who I KNOW was using the ‘friend’ role as a reason to try and get closer to him. Oh this heffer would bring gifts round for his mother and everything. I told him that she liked him more than a friend but the poor fool couldn’t see it. I hear a lot of men don’t when it comes to those types of friends. WHATEVER! Keeping those types of female friends around boosts your ego and causes insecurities within your relationship and your woman...So anyway she confessed to him that she had feelings for HIM, and he dropped her like a hot potato.

OUCH!

That part he never actually told me [His sister, my friend of 15 years did] I guess he didn’t want me to say “I told you so” and prove that I was right all along. At least he was man enough to know that by remaining friends with someone who wanted him and being in a relationship with me would have been detrimental to what we had. I didn’t trust her [the fake-friend-wannabe-girlfriend] but I trusted him.

He was one of those guys that got a LOT of attention, but really had no clue as to why he got a lot of attention. He was extremely modest with it, and quite honestly didn’t like the attention at all. Maybe that’s how it started between the both of us. I thought he was very cute but was in no way going to pursue him and my actions showed that I was NOT interested. The first day I met him when he was getting off of the bus he told me he was going to ring me and bug me. Oh he bugged me alright for a whole 5 hours on the phone and that’s how it all started.

MEN: if you have a GOOD woman, don’t let the high volume of GOOD women cause you to mess up a GOOD thing (focus). –Rev Run

I never had to make my ex make me feel secure. I never told him to tell me every time some woman hit on him [and a lot did, all of the time]. I didn’t have trust issues or self esteem issues with him, he didn’t have to leave the room to answer a call or turn his phone on silent every time I came over or he came to my place, and I sure as hell didn’t have to rifle through all of his things. AND THAT’S HOW IT SHOULD BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. When you know something isn’t right, a woman will do what she has to do to find out what in the hell is wrong. A Woman’s intuition/Internal GPS. Most times we always reach our destination to you-are-no-good-ville without any wrong turns!

Be very careful in what you say. It takes a few seconds to say I love you, but a lifetime to prove it. –Rev Run

He [the ex] set the standard, and I actually lowered mine this time around with this Cretin. It wasn’t that I picked a bad guy knowingly. I picked a bad man disguised as a good guy, who if real would have surpassed all of the others.

I’ve read and heard so much crap where women say they’d forgive cheating for the first time, but if he did it again….*I wash my hands of that mentality* GOOD LUCK TO Y’ALL. You have time to re-build trust with someone who had no concern or consideration for your feelings or your life. Remember AIDS is real and there is no cure! Every time he fucks her then comes home to you, he may as well be holding a gun to your head in a game of Russian Roulette. May I also say with that “I’d forgive first time..” crap, if he knows that’s your stance, good luck to you. That’s a free pass for him. Just make sure you’re clear ‘one time’ as in one sexual encounter or one time grouped all together and finding out in one go á la Tiger Woods and Jesse James. See cause when you find out about 4-14 affairs is that the ‘one time’ you were speaking of? Be clear if you’re gonna give out free cheating passes idiots, because a man will have no problem making up his own ‘one time’ rules and it’ll usually be “how many women can I screw before she finds out?” That’s what one time means to a lot of serial cheaters.

To those that tell me I’m running away or need to ‘fight for this love’ and work and build on it.

I wouldn’t ‘fight for this love’ as an unmarried woman and I most certainly wouldn’t as a married woman. I know I’m NOT married, thanks for pointing that out. The way I felt before I was cheated on, and the way I feel now that I have is exactly the feeling I KNEW I would have if I said it would happen to me. I KNOW ME better than you do aiiight. It is in NO MAN’S BEST INTEREST to even try to reconcile the relationship with me. If you ever want to kill any feeling I have for you, lose all of the respect I had for you, lose every ounce of trust I ever had for you, dislike you to the point of where you literally make me sick, then cheating on me and telling lie after lie is the best way to do it. The person you portray yourself to be is a lie as is our relationship. You need to just be gone out of my life faster than you can spell ‘separation’ on a Speak n Spell, cause we ain’t even gonna be friends. There is a very thin line between love n hate. Believe that. I can’t even muster up any positive feeling towards this person, because there are none. I can honestly hand on heart say he means nothing to me and never will again. Believe me when I say I did love him with everything I had, but that is all in the past now.

So many women would drop a friend who was not being what they needed them to be in their lives, whether she was just bad friend or was a total backstabber. But when it comes to men, some of you just switch and give chance, after chance, after chance. You can find new friends, and you can find new men who know how to treat you better. I’ve posted on forums about friends who I felt were draining me dry and just no good in my life, and all of the responses were the same “drop her,” “get rid of her.” Not one person advised me to work on it and try to build the relationship. I’ve read on the same forum where people are involved and married and it’s all “talk, work it out, forgive.”

Shut up!

And YES I’ve witnessed time and time again on these forums to even kick family members aside that ‘suck them dry of energy and emotion’, but they always advise to make it work with the man sucking them dry of the same damn thing.

Hardly any ‘move on’s’ and find someone who will treat you better.’ And I know some of you will say “but you can’t compare a marriage to a friendship.” I UNDERSTAND the difference, but why not when love, trust and respect are present in both relationships. That kind of mentality comes from the same women who will be total hypocrites and say “men come and go, but friends are for life.” Make up your damn mind what you are preaching about and what team you’re on!!

Speaking of friends they are truly worth their weight in gold. Just yesterday and today [back in March when I started writing this blog] I confided in two of them and told them what happened. I even sent them the long drawn out post break-up email I sent him [aka Cretin], and both of them cried. Aww my liccle boo boos. In my opinion there was nothing in there that sounded sad from my part. I was merely getting all my thoughts out and calling him out on his ish. I guess when you have true friends they hurt for you and shed a tear on your behalf, because like me they realise and value my true worth. When you have true friends they truly care for you and hurt when you hurt. Make sure you have friends like that in your life, it makes life in general so much easier, and THANK GOD neither of them gave me that clap trap about ‘forgiving him’ and ‘maybe you guys could work it out’ rubbish. They were telling me “NO, move on, you are more than worthy.” In fact let me share with you what they wrote to me:

“It has brought tears to my eyes; I love you Miss Milly [my pet name from her] and I pray that God will send you a man worthy of all the love you have to give, and love you equally in return. What you have inside of you is beautiful; I hope you don’t encounter anymore swine because your pearls are precious.”

“…that letter had tears rolling down my face - my colleague thinks its that time of that month!

You know, after that letter - he would be a BIG fool to even BBM/text let alone text you! And this part right here, got me saying 'That's Nai tell you home truths!'….”

[That part I won’t share with you all though. *smile*]

These aren’t ‘misery loves company’ type women who want me to be single because they are. One is in a loving marriage, the other in a loving relationship. They want the best for me. Want and expect the best for yourself too.

People think holding on to difficult mates or jobs makes you strong, but often letting go shows you’re very strong! –Rev Run

The bottom line is this, I don’t trust this person and never again will. Shoot, even if he did a 360 and totally changed, his past actions would always haunt him and me because I’d never forget what he did and always be waiting for it to happen again. I wouldn’t trust myself around him either, I would probably want to re-enact some scenes from Diary of a Mad Black Woman or literally do exactly the same thing to him and not cover my tracks so he’d find out. This has brought up what I knew about myself all along, when you do me wrong I am the most vindictive sumummabitch alive, and I would enjoy nothing more than to make you suffer in ways that are not even legal. But alas… I have no time to waste on him. The angel on my shoulder wins the fight against the devil.

Imagine being with someone who every time they walked out the door, rang and said they’d be late for work, went on vacation with the fellas, sent a text message, or answered their phone it would be hell. I’m not putting myself through that rubbish wondering is he really where he says he is? Did he give out his number to anyone? Who is he talking to? Who is he with? Will he do it to me again? Let someone else deal with that and be downtrodden by him. I know my worth and he is certainly NOT WORTHY! Why stay in a relationship trying to convince yourself you trust someone when your actions and thought patterns speak differently?

And on top of that he’s cheating on the girl he’s cheating with. Stay there with your wasteman self! Mi nah want it! Let her deal with his bullshit.

Ladies, you measure your Prince Charming by TRUTHFULLY asking yourself “does he make me feel like a princess?” –Rev Run

Women who are worthy, know they are worthy. They know they are not to blame, and know that there are good men out there and will find one. They will find it very easy to move on. Believe that. It’s usually the wallow types, the ones that bathe in the ocean of self pity and ‘woe is me’ that settle in the hope that his cheating, scheming and lying ways gets better.

Get a bloody backbone and stop making excuses for his behaviour.

“What one man doesn’t want, another will gladly have.”

My life is too short to bathe in an ocean of self pity, I’d rather be open to the new prospects that come way, being with somebody who knows how to value, love and respect me. I’ve had it before and I KNOW I will have it again.

Letting go (CAN be done with class). Sometimes you gotta hold your head up high, blink away the tears and say goodbye. –Rev Run

What makes me laugh is that ‘he’ thinks that he’s a good man. The amount of times he’s said it over and over again. Ummm bruv, which part are you a good man? I know and have been involved with good men and sweetheart you ain’t it! He’s actually an insult to REAL good men. If he thinks just because he managed to get up and go back to school to finish what he started with his studies that he’s a good man. Or being able to read a book and put quote after quote up fooling the ‘friends’ he has on Facebook like he’s some wise scholar, then he has a lot to learn. You don’t understand how disgusted I am to hear him say that because one of my dearest friends had a GOOD GREAT man for a husband who has now since passed. Chris is what I REGARD as a man that Cretin should aspire to be, and the type of man every worthy woman should have in their lives.

"So since I'm not your everything, how about I be nothing, nothing at all to you?" Irreplaceable - Beyoncé (B Day)

Well he wasn’t a good man to me. He can’t even be a good man to the chick he was cheating with, he wasn’t a good woman to his ex and probably a ton of other ex’s. Some other woman can be duped by your lies and your personal standard of a good man, but my mama didn’t raise no fool!

Ladies we have been told “if you have to tell someone you are a lady, chances are you are not a lady.” Why he harps on about being a good man is to try and convince his damn self, not me. “If he has to constantly say he’s a good man, then you aren’t a good man.” Don’t try and pull the wool over my eyes. There is nothing good about him or his actions towards me. What next??? “I had sex with them, but with you, baby with you, I made love to you?”

Love grows where trust is laid, love is destroyed where trust is betrayed. –Rev Run

I have to echo what my friend said “I really do feel sorry for the woman he ends up with.” She had to follow on and say “men like him don’t deserve to be in relationships and should be permanently single.” I truly agree.

“Wherever you’ve been laying you can stay now” Up Out My Face - Mariah Carey (Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel)

Beyoncé was not lying when she said “I can have another you in a minute.” LADIESSSSSSSS *slaps hand on desk* trust me when you’re ready to move on, be open (no not literally in a Y shape) to the possibilities and move on. ‘Upgrade him’ there will be a good man or 5 waiting in the wings that will reinforce your faith in the male species. Take your pick they are out there and don’t all come with the BS, drama and self esteem issues.

“So cheers. Toast. Bravo. To you.

Cause you the man of the hour

I might have to send you some flowers.” Standing O – Mariah Carey (Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel)

When you sleep in the bed of another woman by the name of [name removed by LondonDiva]. You have no place in my life.

When you send sex text messages to Tamekia Jones talking about you wanna slide your hard dick inside of her. You have no place in my life.

When I say I am on my way to you after seeing my best friend’s husband lay in his coffin after his wake and you’re on the phone to [name removed by LondonDiva] during my drive over to you. You have no place in my life.

When I find Valentine’s cards from THIS YEAR 2010 from ANOTHER woman Joanne Burgos, talking about you’re the best sex she ever had [whatever, not saying that to be bitter but ‘Houston’ was the best sex I ever had…we don’t talk and haven’t for years, but hey facts are fact]…You have no place in my life, and she’s lying.

When Valentine’s Day woman, Joanne Burgos sends you another card talking about she loved you more than she did 2 years ago. You have no place in my life.

When I find the little note on the card from Joanne Burgos talking about she’s paid $100 towards your Richland College fees. You have no place in my life.

When I find an empty condom wrapper in your bag. Bitchassnigga you have no place in my life.

When I find 2 concert tickets purchased 6 days after I leave Dallas back to London for a concert that was on January 10th 2010. You have no place in my life.

When I find crappy written poetry from [name removed by LondonDiva] dated when we were together. Mother Fucker you have NO place in my life!!

All this from the same man who wanted me to be his wife and have his children. The same man who sat me on his lap looking at engagement rings in the store whilst gushing to the sales assistant about ‘our relationship.’ The same man smiling so poudly talking to ‘D’ at DFW airport of how we met about our cute ‘love story.’ The same man talking about a simple beach wedding in Jamaica….

….I am too through with this worthless damaged goods of a fool. This is the person I could NOT rely on to be there when my friend’s husband passed who I mentioned a few blogs down. Absolutely useless piece of crap! So busy chasing tail he’s talking about he’ll call me in a few days. No! My friend has just lost her husband and someone I considered a friend, I can’t be with her for a whole week and YOU’RE GONNA CALL ME IN A COUPLE OF DAYS??? I NEED YOU TO CALL ME NOW! And to think he got mad when his mother thought he was down there in Dallas ‘chasing tail’ and he’s telling me he doesn’t know how mad that made him because he’s already got her future daughter-in-law [meaning me]. The Cretin was mad because his momma was RIGHT!

You see all that…? The Jamaica beach wedding, the wife, the engagement ring n kids part…oh that’s all gonna happen fellow blog readers….just NOT with him.

I am SO GLAD I listened to my gut feeling when he got up to go to class and rifled through every damn thing. I have no regrets. None. I am not sorry, and wasn’t when I did it either.

I am SO GLAD he gave me his phone to call my girls that I found exactly what I was looking for on that phone. Phone calls, BBM messages, text messages.

Imagine where I’d be RIGHT NOW had I not done any of that. He’d still be lying and I’d be a fool in love. I’m not saying ladies, go ahead and rifle through his stuff as standard, but hey *Kanye shrug* if you wanna know when you feel something is up, then hey I guess in your own way you’re gonna find out somehow.

Whatever you say don’t say “LD I’m sorry…” I am TRULY BLESSED. Look at what I could have ended up with. I feel so much better without him in my life and I mean that. I’ve always been a strong person, and I just keep getting stronger with every situation that comes my way. I am SO looking forward to MY future, because I KNOW there is so much more in store for me. God let that happen for a reason, and looking back I’m glad I went though it.

I have never tolerated being lied to and cheated on AND I NEVER WILL, whether I’m in a relationship with someone or to be married to them. I have learnt that FOR ME these aren’t ‘mistakes’ that people label affairs with. These are cold and calculated decisions where one person acts selfishly, disrespects you and hurts you purposefully. They are FULLY aware of what they are doing. At every moment and instance he had moments to stop himself. He didn’t have to call, text, see or sleep with any of these women, but he chose to knowing that I was committed to a relationship and a future with him. He took advantage of that, and NO I don’t believe in rebuilding on anything. The trust is broken “when I break, I break” and any feeling I have towards him is stone cold dead! Not even Jesus could resurrect my feelings towards him. I’m not going to keep a man just to say I’ve got a man. I’d rather have my self respect, self esteem and dignity than just any old man, to say I’ve got one.

Ladies, if you keep doing good for bad people, you’re giving them permission to keep doing it. – Tyrese Gibson

That bitchass’s permission slip been dun torn up!

On to the next one!