Life IS Too Short

This blog entry couldn't have come at a better time. Last night before I went to bed, I was thinking about my baby godson who passed away less than a year ago at just under 10 weeks old. As September is drawing to a close the arrival of what would have been his 1st birthday is fast approaching on October 9th. I think this will be the true test as we've all been through the memorable dates that are usually tough when coping with the passing of a loved one. He passed on December 20th (the day he was actually due to be born), his parents 1st wedding anniversary was only 3 days after that, and a further 2 days after that was Christmas day. Mother's and Father's Day has been and gone and now the most important one we should all be celebrating is drawing near and I think silently everyone is dreading his 1st birthday and he's not here. I have no idea if I'm going to do anything, in the sense of be with them on that day or just leave them alone.

I got my daily bible verse e-mailed to me this morning and the book the verse was from was the same book my godson (Roman) was named after, the book of Romans. And now as I sit here and type this a woman who sits behind me has just come back to work after her father passing away in his sleep and I overheard her say that this has really changed her outlook on life and that life in too short. And I agree with her. Another woman in the office, the only person I speak to on this floor outside of my department, her sister is currently living her last days in hospital battling cancer and she's only 50. So why people put things off for tomorrow which is never promised I have no idea. My godson lived for 9 weeks and 5 days and if that wasn't a wake up call to take life to the next level and try and experience it more fully, then I don't know what is.

I had always wanted to go to Thailand and have never made the trip. On my 29th birthday I just picked some dates did a search online for a flight and booked it. I'm off next month and when I'm there I'm going to ride on an elephant (it's on my bucket list of things to do). And yes I am going by myself. If I waited for friends to have the money or the time, I'll be travelling in 2013 at this rate. Everybody has different priorities in life that don't always mesh in with yours and in some instances never will.

I came into this world by myself and I'm going to leave it the exact same way, in between [life] a trip to the movies or a vacation I'm sure I can manage by myself too, and it's hardly going to be a painful experience. Why people have this look of pity in their eyes for me when they find out I took myself to see a movie, have been or am going away by myself I really don't know. Its them I pity. I have the balls to do things because I'm not waiting on anybody and refuse to. I march to the beat of my own drum and pluck up the courage to go it alone. Going it alone is not as scary as it may seem, you do meet people along the way, form new friendships and go to new places that you may have never experienced had you settled for the same routine of having the same friends that follow you everywhere and at every little turn. It would be leaving little room for branching out and experiencing new things.

Roman is my source of inspiration and although our time together was short lived, he was the little love of my life. I do miss him and thinking about what he would be doing now from crawling to trying to stand and walk by himself, and wondering how big he would have been by now sadden me. Then on the flip side, looking at where we are and hearing stories of children being shot in schools, stabbed on our streets, another one just yesterday a 4 year old was drowned by her mother because she couldn't cope with her having Cerebral Palsy, I feel that heaven surrounded by angels is the best place for our little angel, living in the times that we live in. We know where he is and can be content with that given the circumstances.

To give up and live a lacklustre life would be a detriment to his memory. For someone so small born just weighing over 1lb and got to 7lbs he was a little fighter, and he did it by himself because he wanted to be here as much as we wanted him to be here. We loved and we lost, but we also know that we must live every day like it's our last and never lose sight of that. If it's one thing to make sense out why he was only here for a short time, then I'll gladly take that away and live by it if I can't figure out the rest.