"We Go Together Like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong"...or do we?

It had been a while since I'd been on the online forum I've been a member of since 2002. Sometimes like people, you need a break from them every once in a while. Whilst browsing in the Off Topic section last night I stumbled across a thread which was entitled something along the lines of 'Women without BFF's' or something like that. For those that don't know a BFF is the new age abbreviation for Best Friend Forever. It's actually one of those stupid terms I despise along with heterosexual people referring to their other halves as partners. A term for many years adopted by the homosexual community and now it's become one of those nouveau riche prissy sayings that mirror nails being scraped down a chalkboard whenever I hear it.

"Meet my partner [so and so]" And I'm aptly thinking "You prick" Other than his name I'll just stick with boyfriend (my man), fiancé and husband.

Any hoot. I digress….

As I was reading through this thread my jaw dropped. For me it was like stumbling across a box of secrets. Some women who I've known online for a few years were admitting that they didn't have a BFF or pretty were alone in the friendship stakes. It really was a "WHAT THE HELL" moment for me. But I understood. These women seemed very content with their lack of friendships in their lives, and hardly seemed saddened by it either. Here's a summary of what a lot of them said to give you an idea.

*Their boyfriend/husband was pretty much their only friend.
*They hadn't had a BFF since 7th grade.
*They'd fallen out with their last best friend and haven't bothered with friendships since.
*They prefer pretty much having friends for social outings and leaving it at that and being by themselves the rest of the time.
*Focusing on their relationship with God/Jesus was more important.
*Having a BFF was just too much drama.
*They are too busy to maintain a close friendship being wives and mothers.
*They spend a lot of time with family/siblings that they don't feel the need for a BFF.
*Some just preferred being alone and enjoying their own company.

There is no shame in their game and why should there be? I can partially relate, especially as somebody who had no problem in getting on a plane by themselves, or going to the movies by themselves. I enjoy the company of others but sometimes it depends on who the person is. Maybe it's down to being very independent from early on, I don't know. After a while you learn to not feel uncomfortable saying reservation for 1, or ticket for 1. When you go solo, only then do you realise just how many other solo people are around you doing the exact same thing, and sometimes it's a great way to meet new people. When you go around in a flock then the need and the desire to add an additional member to your circle is pretty low on the list of priorities.

After last week, like I mentioned in a previous blog post, my tolerance level is very low. A lot of women are ruled by their hormones at particular times of the month, so the less females I know the better. I think for me, I don't know if at this precise moment in time as I write this, the hormones have taken over or it's a case of the 'I have no energy to even care' type syndrome that hasn't left me regretting the argument I had last week, and I don't even care if I was in the right or wrong. I just don't care period. And when I get to that stage that's when the little alarm bell has gone off in my head. "When Naomi just doesn't care about x, y or z she's reached that point of no return" It's a case right now of 'Keep It Moving'. And I'm doing just that. Thinking about me.

I've felt at times increasingly frustrated in particular friendships. I've always felt in a lot of instances I do more than they do for me. Maybe it's the nurturer trait in us Cancerians, we just can't help it. When you fuss over other people, call them, visit, arrange the get togethers each year, send them some information that you know will be of benefit to them, you start to feel a little resentful that it's barely reciprocated. I know, I know you should not give in order to receive, but like relationships this type of [friend]ship is also about 50/50. You also forget to pay attention to yourself. You're too busy remembering to return that phone call, keep that appointment, or just make that daily phone call or write that e-mail to remind them that you haven't forgotten about them in the last 24 hours. It's no wonder these women through either choice or circumstance have decided to leave the whole close knit BFF's alone.

For some people they [close friendships] are more trouble than they're worth. How many females always have a problem with one of their other female friends? And whenever Miss X is out of the loop, Miss Y calls Miss Z and vents about it. I have been Miss Y, I've also been Miss X and Miss Z. From high school days where the unofficial leader of the crew decided it was your turn to be ousted, to going on 30 years old, in some way shape or form it still continues today. Doesn't surprise me when women say they prefer the company of men. I particularly do. I would love to have more male [platonic] friends, I just don't, but I will in future.

I am happy with my set up for now. The few close girlfriends I can count on one hand and spending a majority of my time alone and trying to experience more of the world as a single woman. I remember hearing a while back that people who are comfortable with being alone make better suitors when married. I'm guessing for one they aren't in a rush to be married will usually marry for the right reasons as opposed to those whose biological clocks are ticking or they think they have been on the shelf too long. I'm not going to worry myself to death thinking about it though.

I believe things like your birth, marriage, children and your death are pretty much written and planned by God. If I get married, its in his plan, if it's not then I adopt a few kids and we'll see what the future holds. For now with just over half a year before I see 30 I'm very content and comfortable in my single status. I've had the odd shitting myself moment, I cannot and will not lie, but it soon passes.

So if you're one of those people that are alone, and enjoys it, there is nothing wrong with you. After reading that thread yesterday it surely was an eye opener and very common it seems amongst a lot of people. After a while you start to pity people who can't even make it to the cinema without a +1. Seriously how sad are you that you can't enter a dark room and sit there for 90 minutes to watch a movie? A few weeks ago I got chatted up by a brotha travelling solo on his cinema outing…see it's not just the supermarket where you meet people whilst squeezing the melons. Although not my type he was a nice guy to say the least.

Remember there is a huge difference between being alone and lonely.