25 Aug 2009

"Simple Simon!" This New Format Is Too Complicated!

Anyone who knows me, knows that I do not apologise for my love of reality TV. Whether it be ghetto trash like Flavor of Love or Charm School to American Idol or The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I'd rather watch pre-conceived reality scripts over soap operas any day.

Rewind to last Saturday 7pm ITV1, I was soooooo excited to see the return of X Factor, and about 30 minutes into it, I couldn't escape faster from my TV set.

They have...no scratch that, SIMON COWELL has gone and screwed up a brilliant format...how? By simply having the audience be a part of the best bit of 4 months of Saturday night viewing. I don't need to hear the audience booing or cheering. I don't want to see backstage shots of these nobodies taking to the stage and performing to a backing track. It's pure and utter crap and I DON'T LIKE IT. Am I the only one in agreement who thought, Louis, Dannii, Cheryl and Simon in a room of pure silence with a crap audition was pure comedy? Even at home in your living room you felt the tension right along with them and just the expressions of the 4 judges were enough alone to make you piss your pants. Now it's like watching it with 20,000 other people giggling over the parts you want to be hearing in silence.

X Factor: New format. Hate it. I didn't laugh once, and I read that in the 90 minute show only 7 auditions were shown.

Simon I think you're smelling yourself a little mate.

Now onto X Factor rant #2. Danyl The prick with an even more jumped up spelt name than himself. Some of you loved him. Some of you hated him. Well whilst I was eating my 10p Tesco Value Noodles he put me right off. Sorry sweetheart, with your racially ambiguous self you weren't that cute. Simon seems to like the mixed contestants. This dude can sing an old Joe Cocker song and Simon's veneers are all a gleaming. When the brotha came out singing a classic before him, Simon gave him hell and asked him for something more current before allowing him through. I've peeped Simon do this a lot on X Factor and American Idol. I don't think he likes the black singers too much, talented or not, he always has something derogatory to say regarding their song choice or they 'sang it with too much soul/sounded like they were in a gospel choir' Whatever Simon. We all know for you that marketing black artists is a hard task for you as opposed to the white/mixed contestants. I've watched enough seasons of talent shows where Simon is a judge to notice this trait. He's not fooling me.

Back onto Danyl. Arrogant twat. Sorry, I was not moved. So what you can sing. I always say this, 99.9% of the people that make it through onto X Factor wouldn't even get past the audition stage on American Idol. Maybe I've been spoiled by the talent that I've seen on Idol and when it comes to watching the UK counterparts I don't care for any of them. This year past, Danny Gokey and Adam Lambert were killing it each and every week. Down to earth guys with killer voices. They knew they were hella talented yet remained humble throughout. This Danyl comes out with a Joe Cocker song, moves the mic back and forth from each hand 3 times and the audience starts screaming like he did a Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas one handed cartwheel whilst singing. So Danyal you sat on the stage pointed, winked and sung to the ladies. Am I missing something here? I was not impressed. And everybody was WOW WOW WOW. Now to me that was mediocre.

Now word on the street is he's the new 'Susan Boyle' and some US talk show wants to interview him as he's had nearly a million hits on You Tube. **ROLLS EYES**

Does anyone remember the black guy who was friends with Danny Gokey on Idol and didn't make it to the finals, he had a bit of a Pharell vibe/look to him?? Well that guy could sing rings around Danyl and where was the hype and the fuss? There is none because raw talent seems to be a plenty stateside. Now had he been a UK contestant and sung the same way, there would have been a frenzy.

I AM EMBARRASSED that Danyl and the likes of Susan Boyle garner so much interest especially in America of their average performances. And please tell me why when someone can sing to a decent standard in the UK the whole country goes crazy?

Leona ain't no damn Mariah, shoot she's not even a Jordin Sparks and Jordin can sang...yes sang...I watched that girls every performance and she can blow. Shoot she (Leona) is not even a Jennifer Hudson or Fantasia. Alexandra ain't no Beyonce and as much as I rooted for her last year and like the girl, listening back to her performance with Bey is a lil painful to hear now. She's good but she's not great.

Now I'm watching the audition back, and dudes vocals aren't all that. I bet I could sound great lifting my leg up, arms flailing to make a somewhat decent vocal appear amazing.


THAT does not warrant a US TV appearance. Americans if you see him, turn the channel. PLEASE!

And what kills me is this...1 show and he's already the winner...? Siddown UK, Siddown!! All of the Susan Boyle hype and some street dancers beat her. I hope history repeats itself. I'd much prefer Austin Drage come back from last year and make it through. Man was I pissed when I cam back from holiday and he was gone. Pure kiss teet a gwan!!!

And for the ladies that love him, want him, need him, he swings both ways and is an open bisexual. But hey, at least he isn't on the DL. Right?

And let's stop with the overuse of this damn word amazing, and reserve it for artists who truly are. Maybe now being 30 and have a lil old skool years behind me I can say x,y and z were truly amazing at their craft. No Danyl was not amazing to me, it was not 25th Anniversary Grammy Billie jean performance that will stand the test of time. Michael Jackson was amazing, Prince is amazing, Tina Turner, Stevie Wonder, Patti LaBelle, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey vocally and as performers. One dry head man performs a Joe Cocker song and now the dude is amazing. NO. HE. IS. NOT. If he's amazing, I am legendary.

What do you think of his performance? You can see it here

1 comment:

  1. Actually, Danyl sat on the stage pointed, winked and sung to the MEN! lol

    I hear what you're saying about the live shows. I prefer the old format and hope they go back to it next year.

    Having said that, I think some people did better with the crowds (especially Danyl). He actually auditioned a couple of years ago and didn't get past the first stage. I think his voice is just OK but he got through with his personality and ability to hype the crowds.

    I also get why Simon got the other guy to sing something more 'current'. The old song didn't suit his voice.

    On another note, what do you think of Alexandra's new single? I'm not impressed that they stuck Flo'Rida on it


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