24 Aug 2010

What Would You Do If...? Friends With Benefits [Scenario]

It's been a little while since you've got a blog out of me, but today that's about to change.....err simply because I'm blogging today.

First things first...unless you want sh*t to come back to haunt you, don't tell your business on the world wide web aka innernets...YES I said innernets. The reason I say that is because, I'm using this scenario which was told to me through a third party and posted on the net. If it's about you and you're reading this, *BIG OL Kanye shrug* not my problem sweetie.

Scenario: (now this could be for a man or a woman, so here goes....)
You have a FWB ('Friend With Benefits' - someone who you have a sexual relationship with sans strings/ties/emotions/commitment) and they no longer have sex with you anymore, but only have you give them head....should you say something?

After a Jamaican roll of the eyes, a kiss teeth and a deep sigh here goes...


That is not your man/woman, that is simply your friend or an acquaintance that you have a sexual relationship with whenever the mood takes you both, or have it scheduled in your phone calendars. The dynamics/problems/concerns with your sex life are only to be discussed with someone who gives you more of their time in a non-physical capacity, and actually acknowledges you as their other half BOTH privately and publicly. The only thing you should be discussing is safe sex and sexual health testing.

Women especially never fair well when it comes to these FWB situations. Why? Women are emotional creatures, and as much as they start out with a male mentality when becoming a FWB, pretty soon they are going to want to spend time with more than just the dick itself and emotions will start to get in the way. The minute a woman starts staying over longer than she should, making plans outside of the sexual arena of the bedroom, thinking about how his last name will sound with hers, getting jealous, anxious or concerned about other women, wanting to know who just called his phone and why is when she should start to realise there maybe more going on with her with regard to her feelings for this man.

Simply put, when you are a friend with a benefit, that's exactly what you are. The only purpose you serve to that person is one of a sexual nature and nothing more. You are a time filler until something fulfilling comes around for them, and a body which they use for their own personal sexual gratification. People need to stop getting it into their heads (the one that rests on their neck) that the power they 'think' they possess with their nether regions is going to somehow snag and keep that person interested for a lifetime. It won't.

Any man that wants to be with you, will be with you for MORE than what he thinks he can get from you on the physical level of things alone. To him the sex will be a bonus, NOT the only deciding factor. To the ladies, your stuff ain't that great, it really isn't. It takes more than your vagina and labia to keep a man hooked and interested, and if you think that's all it takes then you haven't/aren't dealing with real men. Give them (the real men) some credit please! Real men are enticed and excited about a woman's mind, heart, body soul...EVERYTHING. If a man only talks about how you can benefit him physically, then just let it be known, he has shown you who he truly is....believe him. Don't get mad that a man starts off having a sexual relationship with you, doesn't put a label on what you are to him, has told you that it's just about the sex, be grateful you know you're dealing with someone who is honest and isn't stringing you along. 

If you are/have been in that scenario then the person you really should be mad at is yourself for sticking around when the signs are blatantly there. You want a man to be exclusive to you, be committed to you, be more than just about the sex to you, but you're dealing with a man who's just all about the sex??? Sista girl get mad AT YOU, because you're cock blocking your own damn self from the worthy man of your dreams dealing with a dude who won't ever commit to you, in the hopes that he will. There are plenty of men out there who want the commitment, the love, the romance, the relationship, who are willing to show you off to the world and not keep you permanently placed on your back or on your knees, and these men will do it without confusing your ass in the process.

So no you don't have a right to get all uppity if he decides he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore and keeps it strictly on a giving head basis. You've allowed that to happen by limiting yourself to unfulfilling sex, so that's what you get...unfulfilling sex. Getting head for him is all about him and your accommodating his ass like a damn fool, then having the nerve to be mad or upset about it. You don't! One other thing you don't have to the right to be mad at...him having sex with other women. You aren't exclusive in a FWB situation, there is no premium FWB status, the only thing you can ask him to do and be is safe in regards to the sex itself. She has no claim on that man and he has no claim on that woman, what you have stands for nothing more than foreplay, sex, orgasms. That's where it begins and ends.

There are no emotions here, it's strictly physical, so if you decide to 'talk it out' with him, don't expect much as he doesn't even have to consider you or your feelings as this kind of relationship is a selfish one about pleasing the needs of yourselves. If he's not having to screw you anymore but gets head out of the deal then he's winning in the selfish scheme of things, and you my dear yet again have allowed yourself to be played in a game where you think you have rights to add rules to it. If  this scenario was in a relationship/marriage then yes, you definitely have a problem because you're in a valid partnership with that person where love, respect, feelings, emotions and consideration are present. If you're just another number in their phone, notch on their belt, name in their black book don't expect first class treatment when your ass paid for economy.

Some of you really need to check yourselves and who you mess with before you get mad when it comes to messing with men or women. A lot of these idiotic scenarios can be avoided if you remember what you signed up for and know what you're entitled to when delving into these situations. Especially when the status was laid out for you loud n clear in the beginning. 

If they use phrases like:

"I'm not really looking for anything serious right now."
"I just got out of a relationship."
"Why do we have to put a label on it, it only complicates things."
"We just f*cking."
"I thought we were having fun?"
"It's not black, it's not white, it's a grey area."
"You ain't got to go home, but you got to get the hell up outta here."

....chances are you maybe in a FWB situation. If you don't know, now you know.


  1. let the church say Amen!

  2. I'll say it once and I'll say it again. Then I'll keep saying it. Some women get confused because the title of what they are doing "friends with benefits" implies some kind of true friendship/loyalty/respect/love. That is why people get mad when these things end, because you wrongly assume that their is some sort of friendship. You can't be friends with a penis and that's all you have if you are not there for emotions, commitment, ties, strings ...all you have is that.

  3. Thank-flipping-you!!!! So many women get caught up in this mess it's a joke!

    I've been single for almost 3 years now for this same reason - people look at me like I'm fucking crazy.

    That line '' why do we have to put a title on it '' is a dead give away.

    I can understand if you're a virginal inexperienced teen but a grown ass woman should not be falling for that shit just for some d!ck. It's ridiculous.

    I'm not a prude at all, and I celebrate sex in the sense that I barely put barriers and rules on sex (only keep it safe) but don't expect it to be a meaningful relationship when you're seen as just a booty call.

    I know some women have sex with men then later fall for them expecting the men to respect them - but alot of men still hold that double standards regarding 'skettelism'.

    I personally don't but I recognise that men do. Women need to wise up and stop falling for this bullish.

    Great post btw way. I think you should print it off and post it around London!

  4. ROTFLMAO! Well said! I've been saying and blogging this for years. If you can't stand the heat stay the hell outta the kitchen.

    Most men say it like it is, while women hear it and analyse it looking for hidden meanings and innuendo and then act all shocked and surprised when he does what he said he would.

    Really...most women are Charlottes not Samanthas.

  5. You spoke truth in that blog. Men keep it real, whereas us women want to look for the hidden meanings, the subliminal messages, and anything else that will give us the whole "what is it that WE want?" statement.

    It's quite sad that we allow ourseleves to go through that, especially when, like you say, the signs are right there...

    Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus.


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