26 Oct 2010

OK, So We’re Family, But Are We Really 'Family'…?

I am family oriented, but only family orientated to those that play their role within the family. I’m not one of these people that feel the need to respect you or take sh** from you just because we share the same blood line. You know some people have really 'out of order' family members who let their behaviour slide because they don't want to disrespect them? Yeah, that's NOT me. My family members aren't like that...but if they were...

So here's the story in a nutshell [written in the third person]:

LondonDiva is organising a liccle gathering.
LondonDiva is pretty much paying for this/organising this out of her own pocket and the goodness of her heart. I do that sometimes...ya know.
LondonDiva does the rounds and makes the calls to invite the necessary people i.e. friends and family.
One family member takes it upon themselves to ask me am I inviting ‘family member X’
LondonDiva pauses and says “err I don’t have their phone number’

**That wasn’t said for me to REQUEST their phone number in order to invite them, but me saying in not so many words “if I don’t have their phone number, why would I invite them?”**

Family member proceeds to tell me they will text me their number after harping on how nice it will be with them there, and totally missing the point.
LondonDiva thinks "is it really now? I don't think so! I’m not ringing the number to invite anyone, anywhere, anyway.”
LondonDiva leaves it at that.
A few days pass and LondonDiva gets the text
**IGNORE! Dashes BlackBerry down on the desk and continues working [aka surfing the Innernets]**
LondonDiva ain’t dialling no number. What do you think this is?
Come the weekend LondonDiva gets a call from the family member who told me that they “think they may have put their foot in it” and told ‘family member X’ about the gathering, by asking them had LondonDiva called to invite them?

"Excuuuuuuse You???"
*Exits ‘in the third person’ mode*

I did not kiss my teeth, or get vex because I KNEW this would happen, and in a way I wanted it to.
I told them I hadn’t, but wasn’t phased about them now knowing. Nothing had changed, I wasn’t going to invite them, nor pick up the phone, and for what? I had to explain myself [something that I don't like doing] and made it clear "if your number isn't in my phone and you're not checking me for me....laters!"


If your name/number isn’t in my BlackBerry chances are you aren’t going to be invited anywhere.
If the last time you came to my house was 6 years ago and I’ve never been to yours chances are you aren’t going to be invited anywhere.
If we see each other once a year due to the birthday party of another family member, and that’s where the interaction begins and ends, chances are you aren’t going to be invited anywhere.
You had a family gathering, and neither myself nor my immediate family were invited so please, where are you going coming up in the one I'm reaching in my pocket for?

Granted, I actually have no problem with 'family member X' in this scenario, it's with the one who tried to force the issue of inviting them upon me.

We are family by bloodline, not by interaction or association. It’s not that I dislike this family member or that I don’t get on with them, in fact it's quite the opposite. They're cool, they're nice, we get on when we rarely see one another and that's about it. We just aren’t in each other’s lives. We don’t speak, we don’t go raving, we aren’t on the phone in each others business lending an ear in times of need or trouble. We don't drop each other the occasional e-mail or text, and I don't even know the exact date of their birthday. I don't know the date of their children's birthdays and when the second child was nestling snugly in the womb I heard about it through another family member, so you get the picture folks. It’s just not like that, so no I won’t be spending any of my money on them. That’s just how it goes. No apologies, no explanations, nothing, and if I’m forced to explain to them LondonDiva style, then I will. I'm not bloody soft, and nobody can make me do something I don't want to do.

FACT: I have friends who should be family members and family members who should be acquaintances. The friends who I have invited are people who take the time out to check up on me, drop me an e-mail, text, phone call, listening to me ranting and raving when I have had a bad day, join me for lunches, dinners, help me out with favours. These are the same friends who I would do the exact same thing for and will, with no effort at the drop of a hat. I don't think twice about inviting them anywhere because they play a role in my life and don't even have to for no other reason than wanting to. It's called an effort. Born of different parents ,but choose to act like family in some way, shape or form.

I felt slight insulted to be honest about the request to invite 'family member X' because if my family member knew the calibre of friends I really had, that it would be a NO BRAINER in why I chose who I chose over someone who shares the same last name as me.

End of...


  1. 'FACT: I have friends who should be family members and family members who should be acquaintances.' 'nuff said!!

  2. 'FACT: I have friends who should be family members and family members who should be acquaintances.' 'nuff said!!

    I am so with you and Shona on that one. That's why I love you - you speak my language!


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