10 Jul 2011

Things I HATE That You May Love!

"Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly." - Baz Lurhmann
  • Nandos - This deserves the top spot! I grew up in a West Indian (Jamaican) household so I know what good, tasty, well seasoned food tastes like to the point that I'm not about to pay for what my mama can do better, and for FREE! I have had Nandos in the past and it's definitely something I CAN and DO live without. The amount of people who live in these establishments like a second home is a 'head tilt' moment for me. With the thousands of restaurants in London, the invention of a Tastecard and Toptable and people keep returning here? Don't ever invite me to Nandos I will honestly tell you I cannot make it as I despise this chain.
  • Fashion/beauty magazines - I used to be a magazine hoarder. You think absolutely nothing of buying a few magazines a month, but when you have to get rid of two years worth at a time to make room for the new ones you realise you have a problem and don't even want to think about how much you've spent on them over the years. I don't buy magazines AT ALL anymore. For me it's a waste of space and money. The only magazine that enters this house is the free one from ASOS, and after I'm done with it, it goes straight into the recycling bin. Tired of seeing hair clips start at £3,550 and gowns listed without a price because it costs way too much in these pretentious magazines where you need to 'call the stockist'. I don't need to pay £3.99 for someone to tell me where to eat, shop, buy a new leather bound diary or any of that s***. It may serve a purpose for some women but having them didn't make me any more of a better woman than it does now for not having them.

Dunn's River Falls - Ocho Rios, Jamaica
  • Sending out BBM broadcasts - I'm not interested in your rave or your lame joke. The only time I use it is to alert my new contacts of a BBM PIN change which is once every 11 months when I get a new upgrade. The abuse of this feature needs to stop. Thankfully I've deleted the culprits, yes even close friends too who I've grown up with and still remain friends with to this day. They had to go, and I did not have to explain myself. I am what you call a zero tolerance kind of girl. I don't care who you are, but if you break one of my fundamental BBM rules you have GOT to go! We can still be friends in real life I just don't want you to BBM me with crap at all unearthly times of the day and night with jokes that are not even funny. Also God is not going to forsake me for not forwarding this onto 10 people in the next 10 minutes.
  • Chain e-mails & texts - Which leads me onto my next hate that you may love. It involves the Lord. I do NOT hate the Lord, I just hate how people use him to force us to do things that are NOT going to happen. So you really expect me to believe that the Lord is going to bless me for spreading the word via e-mail? Who makes this s*** up? It annoys me because the message that precedes this is usually pretty good, and then I get to the bottom and I'm presented with a whole host of instructions and a time frame to do it in otherwise I'll be doomed to the fiery pits of hell for all eternity. NO it's not going to happen! If the message is good I delete the chain part and forward it on to people who I know it will benefit at that particular time. The funny thing is I usually get an e-mail back from someone who's grateful for the message. And what's with you e-mailing me a holier than thou e-mail chain as the ONLY time I hear from you. How Christian is that? 
  • Social networking narcissists - I hate you muthas! You make me sick! BBM, Facebook, Twitter narcissists! How much of your personal life, relationship, job etc are you really going to brag about and for how long? We don't care and you are taking up very valuable Internet kilobytes in alerting us to stuff we really don't give two s***s about and are forcing it down our throats. Good luck (especially) to the women who feel the need to document to the world EVERY tawdry thing your man does or says. I hope it lasts because you're going to look ridiculous the day he pisses you off to an extreme or the relationship is over. It makes me laugh at the amount of women who act like they are the first and only to ever have a man. Get a grip, you're making none of us jealous...I could tell y'all some things that would have you clear your status messages with a sure fire quickness out of pure shame. I'm NOT impressed!
  • Make-Up - Over the last few years there has been an massive influx of make-up bloggers, events and You Tube videos. Now I don't hate make-up enthusiasts at all. I respect your side hustle/interest in make-up, and I guess I really don't hate make-up per se
  • Sports - Football, American Football **see what I did there North America?**, Basketball etc etc etc etc etc etc...I have no time for it. I love the Superbowl for the commercials, the national anthem, the half time show and then the moment it ends. I was in Houston for the 2011 Superbowl and remained on Twitter during the game, head down and engrossed. As soon as it went straight to commercial you couldn't pull me away from the TV, my head popped up like a meerkat out of a hole. I got such great satisfaction NOT being in London watching the Superbowl because I always had my US Tweeters tweet about the commercials and I could never see a damn thing as they weren't all broadcast over here. The only thing I can stomach is athletics, the other sports I'm not really interested in. I was a huge boxing fan in the 80's and 90's but boxing isn't what it used to be.
  • Two and a Half Men - I don't get this show. It is NOT funny. I don't know how it's the highest rated sitcom in the US. I much prefer Chuck Lorre's The Big Bang Theory. Sheldon is too much!
  • The hype surrounding Idris Elba - Don't even get me started. I wrote a blog post on this some years ago, you can find it here. I think I said what I really wanted to say.
  • Going to Jamaica every year on holiday - There are other places in the world you know. I don't have this incessant need to book a trip to Jamaica every year or every two years. Variety is the spice of life, try new things, experience new cultures, try some new cuisine, fly in a different damn direction. Maybe some people think that if they don't venture back within a certain time period they may loose some of their culture. There is nothing cultured about remaining closeted.
  • Chatting all your business online -In moderation folks. In moderation. People may want to announce a wedding, engagement, birthday, birth, upcoming holiday etc but sometimes they take it to extremes. OK so your birthday is in three months time. We don't need a daily 90 day countdown on Twitter. You've broken up with your man. How do we know this??? You re-tweet every tweet in relation to him not knowing what he's got till he's gone. Posting partial lyrics to BeyoncĂ©'s 'Best Thing I Never Had' and 'Irreplaceable.' And saturating our timeline with retweets from @TheNoteboook/@TheNotebook (whichever one it is). So you're out on a date, and want to tell tweet us about it. Can you not put the f****** phone away and enjoy your damn date? Then you wonder why you're tweeting break up lyrics after date #2. Have some tact!
  • Your DUMB name on Facebook - If you were born Shaniqua Jones then why is it now Shaniqua TyroneBetterHaveMyChildSupportThisMonth I'mSoBootyliciousAndFly? If you don't want people to find you there is a simple button you can press for that. When your profile picture is just your a** or breasts with name like that, I don't know who the hell you are. I wish this dumb trend would die.
  • Planking - So this craze had connotations to slavery? Before I even knew that I hated it. I hate it even more now. Thank GOD for UberSoc, a twitter app where I can mute the words NEVER to see tweets about planking again. Read Rapper Xzibit's response to the planking craze which he cannot stand here.

1 comment:

  1. You are so funny London Diva!

    I absolutely love your blog and your writing style!

    I agree with every single points on your list,

    You should have wrote things I hate and you may hate too!!! lol!


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