28 Nov 2008

If It Doesn't Feel Right, Then I'm Not Doing It...

When you know, you just know!

And at 1:30am on a very early Friday morning, I know. I know that the 9am interview I have scheduled with ***** for a permanent position is not a job I want to be going for. I have many reasons, flexibility and a freer 2009 in an already hectic climate is one of them. If the market is going to be dire then let me be away from it for most of the year.

2009 and the year I turn 30 I want to make an interesting year. I want to do more things than I've ever done before, be more spontaneous and just live a little more interestingly than I've been doing previously. Contracting gives me more money, and more flexibility with my time. Granted it's not as stable, but looking at Lehman's and Citigroup employees over the past months it seems a lot of permanent folks have been worse off than I am at the moment and I'm employed!

This is the first time in all 11 years I have been working in the Banking & Financial sector that I've had HR call me directly from a company. [They are cost cutting by taking out the agencies and recruiting themselves]. They got my CV from one of two websites I have it posted on and the lady called me directly two days ago. Instantly I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place just trying so hard for that little voice inside to cut in and say "thanks, but no thanks." She sent me the spec, I agreed to be put forward only if I could get the highest salary that they were offering, and within minutes of submitting a covering letter with my CV in a word format via e-mail they wanted to see me for an interview.

Not an excited Diva to say the least. Pretty much like...

The credit crunch and my contract up at my current place of work in a few weeks is not even enough to get me excited or even wanting this job. I've given it thought, I've spoken to my mum about it and it doesn't feel right. If I was dedicated to making this happen I wouldn't be blogging at now 1:36am when I'd have to be up at 6:45 getting ready to make sure I got a train early enough to beat the rush hour and avoid potential delays. I would have been preparing interview questions and answers, instead I was having fun on Facebook.

I thought if they liked me and offered me the job how would I feel? I think pretty much like...

It's not the job or the sector. It's the fact that it's permanent. If she'd have said it's 3 - 6 months ongoing I'd be up for it. The job itself looks great but I know I wouldn't be committing to it in my heart of hearts and to have a perm job on my CV for less than a year is not going to look great for me at all. They want me to commit for at least 18 months. Well here's what I think to that.

Could they guarantee me with the thousands they've laid off this year I'd even have a job for 18 months?

I don't want to get comfortable having a recurring salary every month and getting into that zone that I've forgotten about making plans and deciding which way to go next. Sydney is still on the cards and speaking to my mother a few moments ago may look into contacting the agency in Oz and see about taking the steps to apply for the necessary visa and see how and when I could make this happen. If I just go and end up travelling for say 12 weeks then great, working out there and experiencing life on the other side of the world would be a great experience for me, I don't want to have to pass that up because I've got my slippers on under the desk all comfortable in my London office. I was permanent for 5 years and I left the day I handed in my notice in 2003. It literally made me sick right down to being signed off. You have a different set of balls as a temp than you do when you are permanent.

Being a contractor keeps me on my toes. Like I've said before we are like the backpackers of the workforce, taking what we can get, learning from that experience and moving on. Not knowing what's around the corner, but always getting to the next destination on time.

I'm not going to say yes to pacify anybody or to be made to feel like there is no other option but to take a perm position because things are a little bleak right now. The tubes are still crowded in the mornings so people are still going to work somewhere. I will find something when the time is right or it will find me.

I said to myself today that I need to have a little more faith, looking back I've always been OK. Jobs have always come right on time for me, and I've always made it through and by the grace of God he always delivers for me when I've needed him to. Now shall be no different. I told myself I am not going to worry about tomorrow anymore, as it's already taken care of. When the right job or opportunity comes along I'll be steered in the right direction, my phone will ring at the right time and I'll get the feeling I'm supposed to get when it all happens. Looking at this here experience, maybe it was brought to my attention for that very reason, to be comfortable to turn down what you think you need when it's not actually going to fulfil your needs. Almost like a test.

I feel as though I'm being shown two cards, both are guarantees of me being OK in the end [as in financially stable] but both have different degrees of happiness involved. Take the card on the left, it's a quick term fix which you pretty much got in the bag, but in the long run you'll sacrifice a lot of what will make you happy for. Being comfortable and a stagnant routine will be ever present. Or you can take the card on the right, it's a longer journey, but one you'll have to take in faith in making it to the other end in one piece. Along the way maybe a little bumpy, but expect a lot of fun and rewarding experiences. The only stipulation with that one is the prize is bigger, there's just a longer wait for it. In law of attraction and faith in general the premise is to enjoy the here and now because what you want is in the making and it is coming. To hurry it up [or in this case take the first thing that comes along out of fear or frustration] messes up the plan that God and you have for yourself. I'm sorry **** and this job doesn't feel like a plan for me in mine or God's plan at all. As soon as I get in I'll be planning my escape.

When you know, you just know and have to at all times trust that inner voice and do what you think is right and that applies to any and every life instance and experience.

She'll [HR] be pissed, but she'll get over it. I guarantee you though that she won't be as pissed as me if I got that job and took it.

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