24 Jan 2009

Comment Spinoff: Brotherly Love

It's 2:30 am back on the GMT time clock and I guess suffering a little jet-lag, so hopefully won't go into blog overdrive like I usually do.  I say that now, then you've tabbed down 5 times and I'm still talking about the same topic.

On my I Just Don't Get It - Idris Elba blog a few weeks back I listed some men I found fine and unattractive, which led me to write about this particular topic that has been on my mind for a while.

Unattractive: Idris Elba, Denzel Washington, Tyrese and Andre 3000
Fine: Common, Will Smith, Paul Walker

One of the comments were:
"Is it a coincidence that all of the dark-skinned brothas got the thumbs down in this post (e.g., Idris, Andre 3000, Denzel & Tyrese)"

You know something, I knew someone would point that out. Refer to the shade of black with regard to the men that I listed as unattractive. And case in point, the dark skinned sensitivity rises to the surface amongst us as usual. Let me start by saying this 'Just' please don't see this as a personal attack, this is merely my honest and frank opinion about the subject matter overall.

My reason for listing Idris, Denzel and Andre 3000 were simply because of these three men a LOT of black women go gaga over them and I personally find them unattractive, they just happen to be darker, chocolate or whatever you want to call them. Idris, Denzel and Andre are not fine to me simply because they are not fine. Them being light wouldn't have made them any more attractive to me. The blog had nothing to do with colour, and was about the popular men who a lot of black women love, which TO ME were unattractive. 

I am a woman who finds men of all races fine, just as I find men of all races unattractive. From Paul Walker [white], to Russell Wong [Asian], to Morris Chestnut [black] these men make me weak at the knees, but you better believe that there are a ton of white, Asian and black men that make me want to take a shower and scrub the hell out of myself. [The men pictured are some of the brothas of all complexions from mixed to dark who make me swoon].

I'll never rep for a brotha, just because they are a brotha or because a bunch of women follow with the masses. I am a realist, I'm not down with being down for the sake of it just because we share the same heritage. But there is something along the colour lines in our race that has been bugging the hell out of me for quite a while...speaking about your 'black preference in men/women and how you do it.'

Now I'm sure the women mean no harm, but for me I like to see it from all sides [men and women] and I do.  Let's not beat around the bush here, lighter black women in our community are favoured by the brothas, and darker brothas are favoured by the sistahs. If you disagree then I'm sorry you're wrong and need to go back to hibernating, it's been this way for a long while. It's not EVERY person, but a general viewpoint amongst the black community. Of course you'll find black men who love darker women and black women who love lighter men, but these days that is a rarity. I look around at couples A LOT in London and in the US when I'm there. To be honest in London the only group that sticks out to me that have no problem marrying/dating dark, where both are dark are Africans. That's just my observation.

So I hear this [from black women] often
"Oooh I love me some chocolate."
"I prefer chocolate."
"I'd never date a light skinned guy."
"Light skinned men just don't do it for me."
"I'm only down with the chocolate."

These are the same women who would come down on brothas like a ton of bricks if they were to say they don't date dark skinned sistahs, prefer light skinned women, or that chocolate sistahs just don't do it for them. They'd be accused of being self hating bastards. 

SO IT SEEMS [and this is from my observation] It's OK and acceptable for sistahs to be vocal in representing for the skin shade choice in a man as long as you're repping for the darker shade. Anyone with a preference for light [YET STILL BLACK] has issues. That's the vibe I get. 

Black women seem to have a thing for 'chocolate' men period. I don't. I have a thing for fine men [men that are fine to me] across the board. I refuse to limit myself in what I find attractive or put a cap on it, because that's when you'll hear the bullshit come out about "he's cute for a light/white guy" CHA! If he's cute, he's cute WTF am I prefacing it for? To seem down, grounded or 100% confident in my blackness by loving black men through and through? If Paul Walker were to come my way with his blue eyed blond haired self he'd get a date, as would Morris Chestnut...of course if neither were attached and asked me out that is.  **cough cough**

I personally am sick of it to hear things like "well I don't usually go for light men, but that Common is fine as hell." That to me is the same thing as that infamous line a lot of dark women hear "she's pretty for a dark skinned girl" like dark skinned women can't just be pretty period and that only light skinned/mixed women are. Have you seen Rain Pryor, she's mixed and NOT cute. Proves that right there.

Black is black is black to me. Whether you're fair or mixed like Faith Evans and Alicia Keys to darker like Fantasia or Alek Wek, and because of this 'craze' of repping for everything dark over the recent years it seems that people are forgetting that making derogatory comments with regard to lighter skinned blacks are just as hurtful and harmful as making them toward dark skinned blacks. I'm sorry to me it's just as bad. They are still black. Not everything is perfect in 'light skinned world' either, they too have not always had it easy in the black community from blacks not just the darker hued blacks. Light skinned girls beaten up at school just because she was light and hated on by other girls thinking she was cute. It goes on and on on both sides, which is why you'll never find me repping hard for one or the other.  Maybe I'm just 'we are the world' and 'kum ba yah' ish but Alicia Keys is just as much a sistah to me as Alek Wek. Of course I see light and dark but I see black first.

Have I been mad at brothas going for lighter black women in the past. The hell I have. Notice I said the past. I'm nearing 30 but still growing and my attitudes change on a daily basis, and I can admit my ways of thinking with regard to light/dark in our community have steadfastly changed from being somewhat ignorant to more open and compassionate.

My friend prefers chocolate men [she herself is chocolate complected/darker], and she's been vocal in her preference. I KNOW FOR A FACT if she were to hear a brotha say in her presence he prefers lighter black women she'd be pissed as hell...but she'd have NO right to be. None whatsoever. You yourself can't eliminate a whole complexion/shade of the race, but get mad when 'he' does it. Sit down, shut the fuck up or just keep on stepping. I'm not light skinned myself but I'm tired of people looking like they smelt something bad if you mention a famous light skinned man as being cute and coming out with things like "he's too light" but if I was to say such and such is too dark, all hell would break loose. Double standards.

Like who you like is all I say and make no apologies for it. I don't know when darker blacks became the voice amongst the community that if you didn't prefer them as your choice YOU yourself have an issue. Some blacks prefer light...fair enough. Some blacks prefer dark...fair enough. It's amazing how even though you're still dating/marrying light [yet black] you still have issues, yet the ones who date/marry dark don't.

So to make it clear. When I hear darker skinned blacks put down in any way it pisses me off. When I hear lighter skinned blacks put down in any way it also pisses me off.

We always gotta start some shit!


  1. welcome back hon!!!
    hey i personally don't find Djimon Honsou attractive, yes i saw his CK ad too but still he doesn't do it for me, but that's got nothing to do with the fact that he's a dark brother bcoz I like Idris,Morris and Blair Underwood amongst others!!
    And oooo Michael Ealy...lemme look for my barbershop dvds...lol..

  2. Michael Ealy makes me purr...and so does Idris...mmmmm LOL I'm an equal opportunist!

  3. ...excellent points! :) I'm glad to see both sides of the issue regarding biases/discrimination discussed.


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