Just Do You!...Keep It Moving!

So I'm sitting here 10-11pm at night on a Tuesday, typing up some blogs to be posted for the next day and I get a 'ding dong' on the Blackberry. A reply on UberTwitter. I check it and see the following.

I'm thinking, "who the fuck is this? I'm not following this person. I don't recognise this person. Program? What Program? The only thing I've talked about today was the England match." I check Twitter on the web to see what it's in response to as I'm baffled. It's in response to a tweet I wrote in the early hours of Sunday morning whilst watching a repeat of Peckham Finishing School. The early hours of Sunday morning ya know!! 44 minutes after Saturday night done! So technically to me that was Sat-day, now I get this pon When-day? Yes Wednesday!

So I'm thinking..."the reply was a DIRECT reply to my tweet, although I have no idea who the hell you are on Twitter?" then it clicked. It was Peaches on Twitter tweeting me whilst Part 2 of the program was on air on BBC3.

Do people actually scour Twitter in the search field looking for things said about them, because this is how it came across to me? Who does that? I keep it to my timeline and any replies to me. I'm not out there searching for different variations of LondonDiva on Twitter. I tweet profusely all day everyday and must have clocked up 300-400 tweets since Sunday morning, so I know for a fact you wouldn't have seen that tweet in my timeline with ease.

JUST YESTERDAY! JUST YESTERDAY folks I tweeted "I am extremely comfortable & content with who I am. Are you? (A lil something to ask yourself & think about tweet)"

People who are content and comfortable with themselves don't feel the need to seek out criticism directed at them, then go ahead and justify it. If you decide to go on television then expect to be talked about in someway shape or form. Hey, it comes with the territory. Jesus himself wasn't liked by all, and our black arses ain't Jesus so people are gonna chit-chat-chot about us until the day we die.

One thing I refuse to do from now on, is to tell people who I am and how I am, especially if it's in a setting where the person is coming at me/has come at me in some way. You know why? That person in that particular place and time has not got my back, has not got my best interests at heart and simply DOES.NOT.KNOW.ME. 

I know me, my family and friends know me. The ones that call me, love me and care for me are the ones whose opinion of me matter [but only to an extent]. Everyone else can go jump.That whole response didn't reek of confidence to me, it reeked of insecurity. You search Twitter for something referring to you which is 4 days old and give it the "I am who I am" speech. What LondonDiva thinks of Peaches is irrelevant if Peaches is cool with Peaches.

Don't roll up to someone who was talking about you, whether it be on Twitter or the street and just start justifying yourself to them and apologising for it. I couldn't do that. I KNOW people chat about me in a not so good light and that's fine...let them get on with it because the kudos, props, praise and admiration for the ones I count in my life outweigh all that mess tenfold. I'm cool with me. I'm comfortable with me. I'm content with me, and maybe Peaches should adopt the same for herself and stop worrying about other people think of her. I'm not the first and I certainly will not be the last to say something she may not like. What is she going to do, text, phone, BBM, tweet, facebook, MySpace, IM, post a letter, leave a voicemail, send a carrier pigeon to everyone that utters a word about her and set them straight in some way even if it's in a polite manner?

You're gonna be awfully busy love. You got time.

Moral of the story which ties in with my tweet from yesterday? Don't give a frickety frack-a-lack-lack-fuck what anyone thinks about you. Just do you and keep it moving whilst wearing some mighty comfortable shoes cause you're going to be doing a lot of that. People are gonna talk all the live long day about you. That's life!

I Love...ME!

Too many times women are trying to find that perfect moment to say those three words to the perfect guy. How many women are trying to find that 'perfect' guy period? Yes perfect doesn't exist we know, but there is a level of perfection that will suffice when it comes to that imaginary checklist of qualities we desire in a man, and for some of us that's good enough.

I see women acting the fool, stressing over men and how they treat them and wanting so much better. Something tells me they are lacking somewhere to even be putting up with this bullshit in the first place.

How many of you can HONESTLY hand on heart say "I Love Me," feel it and believe it before you profess your hearts desire to whoever HE may be. If you love him more than life itself, something says to me that this dude will be able to walk all over you one day and he will be able to get away with it because you love him more than anything and don't love yourself enough to know you actually deserve better. When you love someone, you don't treat them badly.

A badly treated woman who loves herself doesn't put up with drama, cheating or ill treatment just to say she has a man. Oh don't get me wrong, loving yourself doesn't eliminate the fools that may come into your life, but it does have an effect on how long that fool remains in your life for.

I love being single, learning about myself and am very happy to grow and learn to love myself even more on a daily basis. How can I expect someone to love me one day if I can't love myself inside and out? I refuse to be with somebody unless I'm up there on the self love, self esteem and self respect level. [Just for the record I'm up there], but not desperate to be with somebody for relationship's sake just yet.

People are always saying you should love yourself more. The minute you do, you're labelled as conceited. Nothing wrong with that. Perhaps those that are raining on your parade and can't even fathom the love and respect you have for yourself, are secretly wishing that they could be more self loving like you instead of self loathing as they are.

Once you pick something you love about yourself it becomes a chain reaction, you start appreciating other facets of your physical and internal being. If you start talking about "I hate my nose" guess what…you'll start to look for other things to hate. Even if it's just one thing like whether that be your smile, or sense of humour, try digging deeper on a daily basis finding out more about you and what you love about yourself. Before you know it you'll be so in love with your self, you'll be getting down on one knee in front of the mirror wanting to marry you.

If You Had 8 Weeks To Live...?

Jade Goody.

The UK's most famous reality TV star. She didn't even win series 3 of Big Brother. She came third. She's a loud mouth South London girl from Bermondsey and thick as a plank. She really is not intelligent at all. She never had a good start in life. Born to a mixed race father and a white mother, both were addicts. She was a 6 year old child playing mother to her own drug addicted and alcoholic mother, all the while suffering abuse at the hands of the woman she never abandoned. Her father was in and out of prison and was found dead from a heroin overdose in a KFC. Jade just got on with it. She's had a very rags to riches lifestyle. Jade has bagged millions on her reality TV success, she's opened [and then closed] her own beauty salon, went on to have 2 children with TV presenter Jeff Brazier, starred in many more reality TV shows, launched a perfume, a book, and was on the front cover on more magazines that you've had hot dinners. We’ve watched Jade 'sort of' grow up. Now at 27 years old we are watching her die before our very eyes.

She's been given about 8 weeks to live.

There are groups and websites happy that she is dying and saying she deserves it, especially after the Celebrity Big Brother Shilpa Shetty race row. DISGUSTING!! She has two sons aged 4 and 5 and has to explain to them that she's not going to be here in a few months time. Jade is and has admitted to milking it and getting as much money as she can to secure her sons future…and quite rightly so Jade. Any loving mother would do the same. She has money and three properties to leave to her children who are currently in private education. Something she herself never had growing up.

Call Jade what you want, she loves her kids and is doing what's best for them. If people can't get past the Shilpa Shetty fiasco, then **shrugs** whatever. She apologised which seemed genuine enough and her and Shilpa have made amends. What gets me is that no one was hard on Danielle Lloyd, she hasn't gone on to be vilified by the media. There were three women bullying Shilpa and Jade and Jo got the brunt of it. Anyway I digress. No way am I excusing her behaviour at all. I was indeed disgusted when watching Celebrity Big Brother a few years ago and very anti-Jade n'dem.

I met Jade a few years ago at Mariah Carey's concert. It was just after she had her first child and from what I remember she was absolutely delightful, very pretty, and had skin as smooth as a baby's bum bum. I asked about how her son was doing and told her I really loved her eviction outfit on Big Brother and we spoke for a little bit like old school acquaintances catching up. She was more than happy to pose for a picture with me as well, which I still have. A very personable young lady, she seemed very down to earth.

I read the News of the World story last night and can't lie I cried. In fact I'm even tearing up writing this. I know I'm gonna cry like a mutha when Jade passes. So young, and 2 little boys to live for.

She's like Marmite, you either love her or hate her. I loved Jade, but during that Shilpa drama I put that love on the back burner. Since she was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer which has now spread to her liver, bowel and groin I guess that love for Jade is back.

Newborn Jade with her late father Andrew Goody

Some good has come out of this. Cervical smears are up 20% in the UK since this became public. It's a cancer that can be detected very early. A few years ago I had pre-cancerous cells on my cervix and as a result am tested more frequently. I'm not even 30 yet, but imagine if that had turned into something terminal like Jade. Ladies our health is no joke. Please make sure you get your smears done when that letter comes through the door and make that appointment.

Another good thing is Jade knows how long she has left. Yep, that's a good thing. She has time, as do her friends and family to prepare to say goodbye and express how much they mean to one another, and say everything they've always wanted to say. We all have a loved one I'm sure we wish we could tell them just how much we miss and love them. Think about it, we are all Jade at the moment, living but dying. We are all on a countdown, the only difference being we haven't been given a rough estimate as to when. She has 8 weeks and will be getting married to her boyfriend and preparing a will for her children.

This is a prime example people of why I'm always spouting on about living life and being grateful for what you have. Tomorrow is never promised. The last days either creep up on you slowing or take those we love in an instant.

Anyone that thinks she deserves this, well let me just tell you this God don't like ugly and karma is a bitch! Remember that!

I guess Jade has served a purpose….to a degree. To her personally she became a loving mother to two young sons. On the flip side all these years of having Jade in the spotlight has raised awareness of a cancer so serious to women. If THAT was her only purpose of being a reality TV star then she's been the best one we've ever had.

If you have 8 weeks to live what would you do? What would you say to those you love that you haven't already?

A New Day. A New Year

I'm actually feeling guilty for not blogging for a while. Why I don't know. I know folks read so I feel like a little bit like the British Transport System, being an inconvenience by not gracing you with my presence and saying hello. That was so effin egotistical of me to say. Gracing you with my presence. Who do I think I am indeed? I'm sure you guys aren't losing any sleep over me not being here. But still….I love to blog and I love that you read what I have to say from the trivial to the not so trivial.

So what's been going on with me….?
A lot [sort of]. Mainly mental in terms of thinking A LOT about the next 11 months ahead in 2009.

I am so determined to make this year happen and matter that I'm actually being extremely detailed in listing EVERY SINGLE aspect of my life from diet, health, travel plans money to career and business prospects and a lot of other stuff in between like hair and body care, home projects, minor things that I need to get done like get the wisdom teeth out, remove these tattoos and cut my gas bill out by getting some oil filled heaters, humidifiers and that soft water filter for the house. Things I've been putting off like clearing out the spare room, deciding on getting in a lodger to boost my bank balance a little which could actually go to the Audi TT fund [second hand of course]. Once I list a heading it gets a sub heading and another one and I go into extreme detail about what I need to do, how much it's going to cost and how I intend to get there for this year. Even organising the keeping in touch and communicating with people aspect is also being listed, as is the spiritual/religious side of my life by making sure I incorporate time each day somehow into getting it done.

Think of it like an idiots guide if you will on making all of your plans happen in 2009, just not for idiots. If you had buying a house on your list well you'd open up the book under whatever heading you listed it as and you'll be reminded of how you plan to get there [based on your own circumstances] and make it happen. Did I say book? I sure did. I'm writing this all up in detail specifically to my own personal needs and will publish it and refer to it when need be. On that note head to Lulu and you can publish your own literature for sale on Amazon to the masses or to publish a one off just for yourself. It is going to take me the whole month of February to put together, it really is, but I'm enjoying it as I'm taking the bull by the horns and not being a bullshitter and talking about things for talking sake. I wouldn't be going to all of this trouble if I wasn't serious.

This may seem crazy to have a book to remind you on when to find time to read a book, pray, call a friend and make sure you go out at least x times a month, preparing financially for the children I don't have so I can be a stay at home mother for x amount of years, writing my book [an actual novel], take up a new hobby or a course. But I'm telling you folks even the Blackberry cannot contend with all of the plans from big to small that I have in 2009. If I'm serious I need to act seriously and do this. And I am.

I saw a lot of Facebook status messages from around 26th December 2008 and a day or two after January 1st talking about 'this year is going to be great' '2009 is going to be my year.' I never subscribed to proclaiming to my Facebook world about 2009 was going to be my year as sometimes when you talk too much, nothing usually prevails. And I have a feeling that a lot of talk from some of those folks was just that, talk. Two weeks in and they are moaning about jobs, boyfriends and the like. Sometimes folks talk just to reassure themselves with no intention of doing a damn thing. See even in February I'm still focused on achieving A LOT this year. After returning to work on January 26th from DC the woman who was on the January diet was still munching on the full fat crisps and not even implemented an exercise routine to help her shed the pounds. All talk. Not even a brisk walk for lunch. I guess her NY's resolution is out of the window. And my reason exactly for not making a resolution. I always decide in the here and now to make a change and just go on right ahead. You're more inclined to keep going when you make a decision to change on any day other than Jan 1st.

So I'm calling it 'Making It Mine In 2009' **wink**

Life IS Too Short

This blog entry couldn't have come at a better time. Last night before I went to bed, I was thinking about my baby godson who passed away less than a year ago at just under 10 weeks old. As September is drawing to a close the arrival of what would have been his 1st birthday is fast approaching on October 9th. I think this will be the true test as we've all been through the memorable dates that are usually tough when coping with the passing of a loved one. He passed on December 20th (the day he was actually due to be born), his parents 1st wedding anniversary was only 3 days after that, and a further 2 days after that was Christmas day. Mother's and Father's Day has been and gone and now the most important one we should all be celebrating is drawing near and I think silently everyone is dreading his 1st birthday and he's not here. I have no idea if I'm going to do anything, in the sense of be with them on that day or just leave them alone.

I got my daily bible verse e-mailed to me this morning and the book the verse was from was the same book my godson (Roman) was named after, the book of Romans. And now as I sit here and type this a woman who sits behind me has just come back to work after her father passing away in his sleep and I overheard her say that this has really changed her outlook on life and that life in too short. And I agree with her. Another woman in the office, the only person I speak to on this floor outside of my department, her sister is currently living her last days in hospital battling cancer and she's only 50. So why people put things off for tomorrow which is never promised I have no idea. My godson lived for 9 weeks and 5 days and if that wasn't a wake up call to take life to the next level and try and experience it more fully, then I don't know what is.

I had always wanted to go to Thailand and have never made the trip. On my 29th birthday I just picked some dates did a search online for a flight and booked it. I'm off next month and when I'm there I'm going to ride on an elephant (it's on my bucket list of things to do). And yes I am going by myself. If I waited for friends to have the money or the time, I'll be travelling in 2013 at this rate. Everybody has different priorities in life that don't always mesh in with yours and in some instances never will.

I came into this world by myself and I'm going to leave it the exact same way, in between [life] a trip to the movies or a vacation I'm sure I can manage by myself too, and it's hardly going to be a painful experience. Why people have this look of pity in their eyes for me when they find out I took myself to see a movie, have been or am going away by myself I really don't know. Its them I pity. I have the balls to do things because I'm not waiting on anybody and refuse to. I march to the beat of my own drum and pluck up the courage to go it alone. Going it alone is not as scary as it may seem, you do meet people along the way, form new friendships and go to new places that you may have never experienced had you settled for the same routine of having the same friends that follow you everywhere and at every little turn. It would be leaving little room for branching out and experiencing new things.

Roman is my source of inspiration and although our time together was short lived, he was the little love of my life. I do miss him and thinking about what he would be doing now from crawling to trying to stand and walk by himself, and wondering how big he would have been by now sadden me. Then on the flip side, looking at where we are and hearing stories of children being shot in schools, stabbed on our streets, another one just yesterday a 4 year old was drowned by her mother because she couldn't cope with her having Cerebral Palsy, I feel that heaven surrounded by angels is the best place for our little angel, living in the times that we live in. We know where he is and can be content with that given the circumstances.

To give up and live a lacklustre life would be a detriment to his memory. For someone so small born just weighing over 1lb and got to 7lbs he was a little fighter, and he did it by himself because he wanted to be here as much as we wanted him to be here. We loved and we lost, but we also know that we must live every day like it's our last and never lose sight of that. If it's one thing to make sense out why he was only here for a short time, then I'll gladly take that away and live by it if I can't figure out the rest.