Attention Seeking: Karma & The Bitch

The attention seeking is astounding. If it's not celebrities on Twitter re-tweeting compliment after compliment from 'fans', people posting 200 new pictures a day from their night out on Facebook, or people just chatting their personal business on social networking sites, the level of attention seeking is becoming way too much.

I use Twitter on a daily basis, and have got back into checking in with Facebook on the regular again too. When my new love (Twitter) came on the scene I abandoned Facebook like a worthless ex-boyfriend. Now we seem able to happily co-exist once again after working out our issues and we are now on an even keel.

There is one person in particular (a female) on Facebook whose mission it seems is to humiliate her boyfriend PUBLICLY. Now as a woman, it doesn't make me 'pro-woman' to everything  that we do. A wrong is a wrong in my eyes, and that's just how I see it whether you're black or white, male or female. In this case this heffer is just dead wrong!

From what I can see, this guy seems really sweet and is trying to communicate with her. In a day and age where there are so many men trying to cover up their public feelings and emotions for their women for fear of looking like pussies, this guy didn't care. He seemed really good for her and her off key psychotic state of mind. Shit, they say there's someone for everybody (I don't believe that), but even nutcases need love too I suppose.

She is ignoring every form of communication with him. She adds a picture, he 'likes' it. Tells her he loves her. She ignores him. Tells her he misses her. She ignores him. She writes a status, he comments, she talks to everyone else BUT him in the comments. Other guys come on there telling her how hot she is, she's arranging meet ups with said dudes on her damn wall. I'm shaking my head like 'nah son this ain't right, and I CAN SEE WHY you (the female) got cheated on in your last relationship if this is how you carried on.

This isn't a one day thing, this has been going on for a weeks. I can't stop watching, as it's become a case of will she acknowledge him coupled with what's gonna happen next? Almost like a reality TV show being played out on Facebook.

Why put all your business out there?

Why play the dude like that?

From my Facebook status today

This guy is allowed to be lovesick, but he's not a pest, and I say that because she has the option to remove AND block him. She doesn't. She's keeping him around on a tight leash to purposely humiliate him and that just isn't right. Are you that starved of attention and affection that you need to treat someone like that, AND do it publicly? I tell you if the roles were reversed and a guy did that to me, I'd screen print his crap as evidence and remove myself from his page and his life to avoid further humiliation. What next, being humiliated in a public place? YOU.CAN.ALWAYS.DO.BETTER!

Men are not the only ones capable of being a bastard in a relationship, and this right here is case in point. I understand that sometimes people need that time to themselves whether it's bullshit on your mind, PMS, other hormonal crap going on that's putting you in bad funk, that you just want to be alone. She's not having one of those days. She's having one of those months!

I have a STRONG feeling that this chick (woman is too powerful of a word to use for her) is going to have a shitty year. And come December 30th and 31st she'll be leaving FB status messages about just how shit the year was and that 2012 is going to be her year. It won't be, unless she severely learns some serious lessons in life, about the way to treat people and actually remove negativity from her entire existence. But saying that, I think she'll always be about the bullshit. One of those women who thinks screaming and shouting is effective in relationships and as long as they are both doing it then the relationship is somewhat functional.

I personally DO NOT CARE if she is reading this. I REALLY DON'T. I actually hope that she or someone like her does and actually acknowledges their bullshit and does something to fix it and not treat people who dedicate their lives in trying to make you happy, like absolute shit! Karma works and is ALWAYS in effect. What you put out, you get back equally unto you in some way. Remember that!

I'm no saint myself, but I tell you this, I'm aware of God, the power of how The Universe works and karma. I sit and think very hard before I do certain things because I know within my heart of hearts it's NOT the right thing to do and do not want the negative repercussions happening to me.

I might just say a prayer for Mr X and put him on my prayer list, cause I'm feeling real sorry for him right about now, and he needs out of that situation. It's not love, it's not respect, and from what I see he seems heartbroken. Cut him loose, let him get over it and find a woman willing to work things out with, rather than hit him over the head Madea style with an emotional skillet. If he's a genuinely good guy, it's women chicks like this who can turn these men into the men that real women don't want....a scorned man. It works both ways with women too. 

"Gettin' Madea wid it!"

Over dinner last night with Mrs H in Satay Bar Brixton, she told me when it comes to love you give that person so much power to hurt you by allowing yourself to be so open and trusting them with all that you have. And that when it comes to loving someone especially within marriage it really is a leap of faith. 

Well his dude needs to act froggish leap his way on out the damn door and go and find someone worthy of his time. 

Time is precious. Life is too short. So find someone worthy of both, your time and your life! ~LondonDiva

Jealousy & The Other 'Woman' In Your Relationship...PORN!

It's been a long time since I've blogged and had many a topic in mind. I just couldn't decide on what exactly. So this afternoon, I decided to ask some of my Twitter followers for topics to blog about, and this is one of them.

“Should partners get jealous when/if the other half watches porn?”

Oh boy!

**Exhales**

OK, I will personally answer this one for myself before excluding myself and answering generally.

Note: this isn't my situation, just my thought and feeling behind it.

I wouldn't be down with it in my relationship or future marriage. I believe that due to knowing myself very well, it would turn into a very serious problem down the line between the two of us BECAUSE OF WHO I AM. I know me. I am VERY sensitive, I get upset easily when it comes to feeling hurt by people that I care about, and if I feel my feelings are being shat on then that would not make a happy home at all.

As a woman, if my husband was getting off on watching big breasted, big booty women having sex with other people, then that is not going to give me a good feeling about myself, our relationship or do anything to raise my self esteem. I don't care what size she is to be frank, I’d be left wondering continually, "what is it that he sees in her and not me?" amongst other things. Yes women can get jealous and be left feeling insecure, and I'm sure men would too if we [women] were left on our own or together salivating over another man's appendage and getting off on it.

I would feel insecure, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Why should I? That's just how I would feel. I'm a human being, not Super Woman. No matter what straight talking things you read written by me on here, that's just one facet of many that I possess. If your man is turned on by looking at a certain type of woman, then naturally you are going to question the differences that you have, whether it's between a woman on the street or in porn. If a woman catches his attention, his attention is being caught because he likes what he sees, and at that time it's not you! And yes we have heard the bullsh** about men being visual creatures...well what do you think we women are? The walking dead?

There are a ton of women that feel this way but keep quiet let their men do it and say nothing, because they (a) don’t want to admit possible insecurity (b) let him do it because they say and think ‘it’s a typical man thing.’ I believe if it bothers you and he knows this, it should be a 'respect thing.'

Is logging onto a porn website that important to him that he can’t consider how bad that may possibly make his woman feel? (If she has a problem with it). Isn't it part of his job and duty as a man to make his woman feel totally loved and secure? It's not all about how much he can bring home, and throw down in the bedroom. Emotional support is paramount to a relationship with both parties. If it is that important to some men, then what they REALLY love would need to be questioned. Is it the 10 minute thrill or the emotional concern of your partner who is probably dedicating their life to you that's more important? Some things [when it comes to love and relationships] need to be sacrificed, and if you went through your single years jacking off to porn, then good for you, but this may not have any place in a long-term relationship or union and may need to be discussed in relationships.

I feel it is an important subject which can lead to a lot of hurt, disrespect and insecurity along the the line if it is not handled sensitively. I personally would not be going into a marriage without bringing these issues up beforehand. I’m a firm believer in being verbally open to discuss these things and EVERYTHING. [Notice I said discuss and not argue.] When it comes to any sensitive topic, especially where one party is not happy about something, a delicate approach, empathy, understanding and communication is key.

I will never tell a man what he can and can’t do. If he wants to watch it KNOWING how I’d feel about it then fine. I will do what I need to do in response to him doing whatever he’s doing, as for every action there is a reaction. It’s that simple. I just know for me that it’s a big deal and will choose not to be with that person. I couldn't. At that point it won’t be about the porn, but the lack of regard for my feelings which I cannot accept nor tolerate. I will find a man who puts me before porn and leave him to satisfy himself continually on a daily basis spreading his seed all over his keyboard. Let him cuddle up to his laptop at night. It won't cook, it won't clean, it won't rub your back and comfort you when you've had a bad day.

I remember a lady who used to be on a forum I frequented in the past. A naturally long haired, beautiful, black woman. I remember looking through her online photo albums she posted links to where she was always loved up with her fiance. A while later I checked back and saw she had since married and had a baby girl. I said “oh you guys finally got married. How sweet.” She told me she found out he had an addiction to porn, broke it off, found someone new and got married. [Now I don't know if she used the word 'addiction' loosely or not. Some women would find one magazine and scream ADDICTION.] The ring she had was from her new man [husband], as was the child. She said she couldn’t have a man like that in her life and got rid of him. My eyes were open wide in shock because this woman WAS IN LOVE with that man! I commend her for knowing her own self worth and moving on to something better for her. It lucked out for her it seems, and sister girl didn’t wait too long for it either. For her it was damaging and something she wasn’t going to put up with in her life. That was her right, as it was her man’s right to watch porn. We all have rights to do certain things in life. He chose to watch. She chose to leave. If she voiced her disdain for it and he chose to ignore her, then the consequences ensue. If it was something she was into then it would have been a satisfying relationship for them both, but it wasn’t.

FACT:

Not ALL men indulge in watching porn.

Some women enjoy porn just as much as men.

The couple that watch porn together:

Jealousy won’t be a problem, and it will probably work out for them in their relationship. There are some that see it as nothing harmful. They’ll watch it alone, together, in the house, out of the house, wherever and whenever.

I don’t know if couples like this will function forever, will there come a time when one party wants out and becomes bored by it? Who knows?

The couple where neither party watches porn:

Either it’s just not for them or it’s down to religious beliefs. For them they'll probably be the type of couple where regard for each others feelings are important. They do what they can to ensure they are happy and make one another happy without the use or need for porn in each others lives.

The absence of porn won’t play a part in any jealousy so I guess they’ll be fine in that regard. This may also be the type of couple who are so into each other that they don't need porn to 'spice things up' and do quite well spicing things up in other ways between them in the bedroom.

The couple where one party watches porn, and the other doesn’t:

You’ll have two types here: One where the other party doesn’t mind, and one where they will mind.

Miss/Mr "I Don't Mind"

The sex life maybe bordering on boring between them. For some, the porn may be a godsend especially where the idea of sex with their partner now bores or sickens them. Some people just don’t want sex with their partner anymore and see porn as a means for them to get off without them. These types unfortunately are probably more than likely in a loveless relationship/marriage.

There may also be the "I Don't Mind" type that are cool and think nothing of their partner watching porn without them. Water off a ducks back for them I suppose.

Miss/Mr "I Do Mind"

This may be the kind of person I described myself to be in the first part of this post. It could be for many reasons including it makes them feel less worthy. They feel it's an abomination due to religious beliefs. They may feel like they are being cheated on. The idea of their partner lusting over someone else and watching them have sex just doesn't make them feel good, period! It may lead to a serious porn addiction and them acting out sexually outside of their marriage, always looking for that bigger sexual buzz. Plus many other reasons that I can't think of to list right now.

So to answer the question, should a partner get jealous if their partner watches porn? If they want to be/are jealous, then they have every right to be jealous. You cannot control or tell someone how to feel. An emotional reaction to anything, happens for a reason. It's not right to tell someone to get over it or that they're acting jealous over foolishness. That's not the way to handle the situation. Do you think people like being jealous when it involves someone that they love? Of course not! They don't want to be jealous anymore than you not wanting them to be [well some people do actually, but those aren't people you may necessarily want to be with.]

It's down to you to get to the bottom of what's making your partner jealous, and it's also down to your partner to communicate said feelings to you. Find out why it upsets your partner and come to an understanding of how to make things better between the two of you to eradicate that feeling within them. If it's a serious problem bordering on addiction then counselling would need to be sought. Brushing it off and continuing to do what upsets them will only make matters worse in the long run.

Just because porn is mainstream, there is less taboo about it and it is easily accessible, it doesn't mean that every person has the same views about it, especially in a relationship. Chances are that there are many couples who have/do view porn and it maybe wise to find out what place it has in your relationship, if any at all.

What Would You Do If...? Friends With Benefits [Scenario]

It's been a little while since you've got a blog out of me, but today that's about to change.....err simply because I'm blogging today.

First things first...unless you want sh*t to come back to haunt you, don't tell your business on the world wide web aka innernets...YES I said innernets. The reason I say that is because, I'm using this scenario which was told to me through a third party and posted on the net. If it's about you and you're reading this, *BIG OL Kanye shrug* not my problem sweetie.

Scenario: (now this could be for a man or a woman, so here goes....)

You have a FWB ('Friend With Benefits' - someone who you have a sexual relationship with sans strings/ties/emotions/commitment) and they no longer have sex with you anymore, but only have you give them head....should you say something?

After a Jamaican roll of the eyes, a kiss teeth and a deep sigh here goes...

NO THE HELL YOU SHOULD NOT SAY A DAMN THING!

That is not your man/woman, that is simply your friend or an acquaintance that you have a sexual relationship with whenever the mood takes you both, or have it scheduled in your phone calendars. The dynamics/problems/concerns with your sex life are only to be discussed with someone who gives you more of their time in a non-physical capacity, and actually acknowledges you as their other half BOTH privately and publicly. The only thing you should be discussing is safe sex and sexual health testing.

Women especially never fair well when it comes to these FWB situations. Why? Women are emotional creatures, and as much as they start out with a male mentality when becoming a FWB, pretty soon they are going to want to spend time with more than just the dick itself and emotions will start to get in the way. The minute a woman starts staying over longer than she should, making plans outside of the sexual arena of the bedroom, thinking about how his last name will sound with hers, getting jealous, anxious or concerned about other women, wanting to know who just called his phone and why is when she should start to realise there maybe more going on with her with regard to her feelings for this man.

Simply put, when you are a friend with a benefit, that's exactly what you are. The only purpose you serve to that person is one of a sexual nature and nothing more. You are a time filler until something fulfilling comes around for them, and a body which they use for their own personal sexual gratification. People need to stop getting it into their heads (the one that rests on their neck) that the power they 'think' they possess with their nether regions is going to somehow snag and keep that person interested for a lifetime. It won't.

Any man that wants to be with you, will be with you for MORE than what he thinks he can get from you on the physical level of things alone. To him the sex will be a bonus, NOT the only deciding factor. To the ladies, your stuff ain't that great, it really isn't. It takes more than your vagina and labia to keep a man hooked and interested, and if you think that's all it takes then you haven't/aren't dealing with real men. Give them (the real men) some credit please! Real men are enticed and excited about a woman's mind, heart, body soul...EVERYTHING. If a man only talks about how you can benefit him physically, then just let it be known, he has shown you who he truly is....believe him. Don't get mad that a man starts off having a sexual relationship with you, doesn't put a label on what you are to him, has told you that it's just about the sex, be grateful you know you're dealing with someone who is honest and isn't stringing you along. 

If you are/have been in that scenario then the person you really should be mad at is yourself for sticking around when the signs are blatantly there. You want a man to be exclusive to you, be committed to you, be more than just about the sex to you, but you're dealing with a man who's just all about the sex??? Sista girl get mad AT YOU, because you're cock blocking your own damn self from the worthy man of your dreams dealing with a dude who won't ever commit to you, in the hopes that he will. There are plenty of men out there who want the commitment, the love, the romance, the relationship, who are willing to show you off to the world and not keep you permanently placed on your back or on your knees, and these men will do it without confusing your ass in the process.

So no you don't have a right to get all uppity if he decides he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore and keeps it strictly on a giving head basis. You've allowed that to happen by limiting yourself to unfulfilling sex, so that's what you get...unfulfilling sex. Getting head for him is all about him and your accommodating his ass like a damn fool, then having the nerve to be mad or upset about it. You don't! One other thing you don't have to the right to be mad at...him having sex with other women. You aren't exclusive in a FWB situation, there is no premium FWB status, the only thing you can ask him to do and be is safe in regards to the sex itself. She has no claim on that man and he has no claim on that woman, what you have stands for nothing more than foreplay, sex, orgasms. That's where it begins and ends.

There are no emotions here, it's strictly physical, so if you decide to 'talk it out' with him, don't expect much as he doesn't even have to consider you or your feelings as this kind of relationship is a selfish one about pleasing the needs of yourselves. If he's not having to screw you anymore but gets head out of the deal then he's winning in the selfish scheme of things, and you my dear yet again have allowed yourself to be played in a game where you think you have rights to add rules to it. If  this scenario was in a relationship/marriage then yes, you definitely have a problem because you're in a valid partnership with that person where love, respect, feelings, emotions and consideration are present. If you're just another number in their phone, notch on their belt, name in their black book don't expect first class treatment when your ass paid for economy.

Some of you really need to check yourselves and who you mess with before you get mad when it comes to messing with men or women. A lot of these idiotic scenarios can be avoided if you remember what you signed up for and know what you're entitled to when delving into these situations. Especially when the status was laid out for you loud n clear in the beginning. 

If they use phrases like:

"I'm not really looking for anything serious right now."

"I just got out of a relationship."

"Why do we have to put a label on it, it only complicates things."

"We just f*cking."

"I thought we were having fun?"

"It's not black, it's not white, it's a grey area."

"You ain't got to go home, but you got to get the hell up outta here."

....chances are you maybe in a FWB situation. If you don't know, now you know.

Ladies, You're DOOMED Because Halle & Christina Can’t Keep A Man!!

I just have to write a blog on this today, I just have to.

As you may know Christina Milian has been cheated on and The Dream has announced their separation.

So why are SOME women all of a sudden feeling doomed to the fiery pits of permanent singledom because beautiful women like Halle Berry and Christina Milian have been cheated on and their marriages have come to an end?

Since when did Halle and Christina’s lives have any bearing upon you, your man, your relationship, or your marriage? Listen up ladies and listen good. I am TIRED of telling women to stop tarring men with the same brush, and I’m TIRED of telling women to stop putting women like Halle Berry n dem on a gottdamn pedestal.

YO F*** HALLE BERRY!!

 

I’m tired of that woman being some kind of measuring stick for relationships and beauty amongst women in the black community. Go get a gottdamn life you crazy ass heffers. I don’t give a damn how many men fawn over that woman, how beautiful she looks in a Revlon or Versace ad, how perfect her hair and skin looks, I’m more concerned with transferring that admiration over to my damn self and loving my black ass flaws and all. When you’re able to do that, you’re able to let someone into your life who’s going to love you flaws an all as well.

THERE ARE GOOD MEN OUT THERE, but some of you read way too many blog stories about a celeb cheating on his pretty wife that you (a) put yourself in the average looks category looking at these pretty people all day long (b) in the mindset that if a pretty woman who all men seem to want, desire, and lust over gets cheated on, then there is no hope for an average Jane like yourself. And (c) ALL men cheat because there’s a story in every newspaper and magazine, that it just HAS to be true!

THINK AGAIN!!

I try and take the negative and put a positive thought process to it. Two of the most common ones that I hear all the time are:

• 50% of marriages fail.
• All men cheat.

Hmmm, sounds to me that a lot of women are setting themselves up for failure before they’ve even begun when they speak so much about the possibility of being part of that statistic and ending up with a cheating man.

LondonDiva’s thought process is:

• Well 50% of marriages succeed, no one talks about those.
• Not all men cheat, the ones that are faithful just rarely get talked about, especially in the media.

FYI women cheat too, and for those that think all men are sh** and want to venture to the other side and take up full time residency in lesbianville, some of those women get cheated on and beat by their women too! Just so you know!

My aim and focus is to be part of that 50% with a good, honest and trustworthy man by my side. I haven’t got time to focus on the negative. The Law of Attraction works, God is always working. Like attracts like, because what you indeed focus on, you’ll get. Focus on no good men; they’ll pop up on every street corner. They may even take you out on a date, put a ring on it and marry you. Ever heard “why do I always attract these fools?” coming from you or the mouths of your girlfriends? Ask yourself the following also:

• Do you focus HARD on the qualities of a good man that you may want to enter your life?
• After the focus, do you believe he’s out there for you somewhere?
• After that, do you remain faithful and believe that it’s on the way to you?

Think about it, let it marinate!

I don’t know Halle or Christina personally, but looks doesn’t get or keep any man in a relationship or marriage. Your face and body may attract them initially, as men are visual creatures, but if you have no substance to you as an individual, then it’s pretty much all over. Pretty, average and ugly women get cheated on and guess what, pretty, average and ugly women have men who worship the ground they walk on and wouldn’t dare dream of leaving their side for anyone. Pretty women have their issues too, but folks are so STUCK on looks and STUPID, that they forget that there is a whole other person aside from the face and body when it comes to celebrities like these.

Any woman that believes that women like Halle and Christina are perfect in every aspect of their lives is delusional. Looks don’t keep a man by your side forever in a marriage; hard work, communication, love, trust, respect, loyalty, and commitment amongst other things do.

Looking like a celebrity most men want to wife has no bearing on whether you can snag a man and have him put a ring on it. If that were the case how did Khloe Kardashian snag Lamar so quickly when her most lusted over sister couldn’t even get a marriage proposal from her long term ex Reggie Bush?

Please tell me why dumbass comments like this are being RT as if it’s gospel. 

RT @JuliaBeverly: If christina milian, halle berry etc are getting cheated on, there's no hope for the rest of us

 The gospel according to The Book of ‘I’ve Been Shat on So Many Times By A Man, That I’m Just Gonna Curl Up and Die’ Chapter 3 Verse 10.

I don’t need to see that mess, and I don’t need to be exposed to the weak minds of bitter women who in 140 characters or less have pretty much told their whole timeline and then some that “if we ain’t Halle or Christina, we’re doomed.” F*** You and your narrow mind! Do you know how dangerous that is to impart that foolery into the minds of some women?

Some people need to speak for their damn “misery loves company” selves for real. Go and check the label ‘cheating’ on this blog, I have been cheated on, and I’ve also been treated royally. I refuse to let past experience or the experience of women who have graced my TV stop me from remaining faithful when it comes to relationships. I don’t know why I attracted that individual into my life nearly two years ago, but the downgrade in being with him, taught me a valuable lesson in the art of UPGRADING and remaining faithful for the future. I didn’t feel the need to really get over anything when it came to him or that relationship. My aim was to move on, and that I did. I kept my options well and truly open and remained TOTALLY FAITHFUL. I didn’t put any limitations on myself and my future due to past experiences, and never will. Can I call myself even more blessed now? The hell I can, but I’m not about to air my personal business out here, not in part anyway, even if to prove my point for a blog post.

Good men exist, bad men exist. Do NOT let the bad ones who are no longer in your lives have that much power over you to the point where you’re stuck, stagnant and afraid to move on. NO ONE has that much power over me, and never will, especially when they’re getting on with their lives and I am no longer a thought in theirs. Be OPEN to receiving something good great in your life and tell yourself you deserve it. Pray, manifest, meditate on the positive. Burn some damn sage if you have to and stop comparing yourself to Halle flippin Berry and the like. Chances are there is something within YOU that she’d desire for herself that goes far deeper than looks.

To the women who don’t believe that faithful men exist, please just stop dating, we’re tired of you and your pitiful stories pissing on everyone’s parade. There are faithful men out there, and you’re just too lazy and lack faith to be patient for God to work on him for you. You want, want, want, and are definitely NOT ready. And you wonder why he hasn’t come into your life? Let me tell you again, you’re NOT ready! I know it, the Universe knows it and God knows it. He’s moulding a man for you, but pauses, takes a peek into your mindset and goes:

“oh heaven naw!! Sista gurl you ain’t ready for this here man. I’m gonna need him to go to that faithful and patient sista waiting in line behind you as she’s deserving and remained faithful to me. As she remained faithful, she shall be rewarded.”

You can’t be ready with that negative mindset, so we don’t need you being a contributor to the 50% of failed marriages, thank you very much. A bitter minded woman with a good man? Errr No! Get yourself about 5 cats, sit in your rocking chair, knit some booties for the newborn babies of your friends born into a strong and healthy union, and call it a day!

To the men that think all your 3 billion plus homeboys on the planet are cheaters, think again. You don’t all cheat, some of the smart ones actually think cheating is for weak, disrespectful men. Just because you haven’t been raised and taught right, you want others to be in the exact same sinking boat as you. You know your ways are trifling and it bothers you to the pit of your soul that there are men out there who are better than you in that respect. So what do you do??? You spew out this crap to a bunch of women and have them believing it. You spew out this crap to your male friends telling them they need to get with X amount of women because loving and remaining faithful to just one ‘ain’t right or natural.’ You say these things so that you can justify your cheating ways due to your own insecurities and unhappiness. You’re not all the same and in fact you’re pretty much the on the lowest level on the totem pole. There will come a time one day when some of your trifling friends change their ways for the better get married and have a family unit. You just may desire this for yourself one day, but unfortunately you won’t be open to it, as night after night the only thing you’ll be open to is a new pair of legs. You all just need to get with the women who think all men cheat and remain dysfunctional together and let the ones remaining faithful and giving their relationships a real go alone.

Not Married? Then You're Not A Husband Or Wife Are You?

"Once upon a time in the year 2000 there was an RnB group by the name of Next. During this year Next released a song called Wifey and that's when the foolishness started to develop tenfold.

Guys and girls in relationships all over the lands far and wide were oh so happy. Women everywhere without non-committed men felt like queens, and men saved about 5 years and £3000 on a ring, replaced this with a new word and everybody was happy. All of the wifeys and all the kings men lived forever in unholy matrimony.

The End"

For the past decade I have remained silent on this topic, but today is the day I break my silence and get a lil 'LD' with it. You see non-married men and women everywhere are calling each other wifey and hubby.

The truth is wifey and hubby, your asses ain't married and probably aren't going to be anytime soon.  In conversations and online I've seen and heard people refer to their other halves by these names and it make me cringe and the blood inside my 5ft 8inch frame boil, and I'll tell you why. You want to be associated with a term you know nothing about and aren't actually a part of.  When you have parents married for almost 30 years, have grandparents who got together at the age of 15, got married, had 9 kids together, and death parted them it makes a mockery of those who actually were TRULY committed to one another and made a go of it. Those are married folks. Leave the term to the veterans and the ones who are just starting out.

hubby -

Derived from the noun "husband", it is used to identify one's boyfriend (either signifying his potential as a husband, implying the presence of spousal attributes, or indicate ownage of one's boyfriend.)

"I love you, hubby. I hope to one day have your babies."

"Whatchu lookin at my hubby fo, you skank ho!"

 

wifey -

Derived from the noun "wife", it is used to indentify one's girlfriend (either signifying her potential as a wife, implying the presence of spousal attributes, or to indicate her ownage in order to fend off perverted dickheads who try and catch a look at one's girl.)

"She's more than my girl, she's my wifey."

"You lookin at my wifey, muthafucka!?"

It's like running 2 market stalls and calling yourself the CEO of a corporation.

It's like playing football every Sunday with your mates and calling yourself a Premiership footballer.

It's like getting a A on a test and all you did was copy off of somebody else's test paper.

Women calling their men hubby and men calling their women wifey or wife needs to stop. You are not doing anything special just because y'all had a baby together or have been together for x amount of years. That doesn't make you married or remotely close to it. You have done nothing that makes you committed to one another. So you have a kid together? That's not a commitment. That's a case of, you got knocked up and he stuck around out of choice or guilt. He calls you wifey or wife, gives you one or maybe more kids and you're feeling special because.......? I would not be feeling any kind of special if that were me. No ma'am. No sir. No way. No how. If it works for you fine, that not my bag at all.

So you live together and split the bills. That's not a commitment. That's convenience. Living together doesn't make him any more committed. It makes him a smart bastard. Half the bills means he saves more money, easier to get regular sex, doesn't always have to cook, maybe gets his clothes washed and ironed too. It means you don't have to shell out as much on living expenses if you were living alone. Flatmates and housemates share the bills too. Again you're nothing special because your keys fit the same lock to a roof over your head. If I was a married woman and heard a woman refer to herself as his wife and she was just his girlfriends (a) I'd feel like this lazy heffer was taking the piss and (b) I'd have to verbally check her and tell her to know her role, as wife ain't it.

 

In fact what this does for a  lot of people, men especially, is buy them time. Think about it. A lot of women out there are FREE MILK and honey, you are one cow he is not thinking about buying just yet, and why should he? You just made it oh so easy and a lot longer to never becoming a wife on paper [if that is indeed your true goal]. So all he has to to do is call you wifey/wife and you're on cloud nine? You're officially easy, but you think you're smart. Nope he's the smart one and he's running shit. That word is giving you "it's gonna happen soon" hope and buying him time to not make an effort in getting a ring or marry you. If a man gets with a single woman and she's not giving him any babies or the key to her home and he really wants that woman....I bet you any money they'll probably be engaged and married within 18 months. Why? Because ol dude has to get off his arse and make sure he has the means to snag his woman and keep her before another man does. He has to actually work at keeping her interested, attentive and in love. He knows she's on the open market for any other man who may sweep her off her feet, given the chance, and he knows words like wife/wifey are banned and she doesn't play that. He can't keep her on the sidelines with a baby, and he sure as hell cannot come into her home after work, kick off his shoes, rub his belly and ask where his dinner is. Those men are the ones who start looking at rings and actually thinking about a commitment. When I say commitment I'm talking about ring, setting a date and planning a wedding, none of this 12 years being engaged crap, just to shut a woman up, that seems to be now in fashion.

When you look at friends and family members who are married you realise that shit is hard work, dedication and a serious commitment. I'm not saying the same doesn't occur in a regular relationship, but marriage changes things and I've heard from more people than not that is indeed the case. I've heard of instances happening where a couple have been together for 8, 9, 10 years, they get married and then it falls apart in less than 2 years. It's not a damn curse, it's because the dynamic changes when people get married and these folks think "it's just a piece of paper." Yeah really? Your asses are more committed than you thought. Thought it was about the dress, cake and party huh?? Welcome to the real world.

You see, being with your man or woman for a long period of time does NOT grant you to call yourself something which you are not. There are many words, terms, phrases below out there for two people who are not married so pick one and keep it moving. Tired of people who don't believe in/too lazy for marriage, using words to describe two married people that aren't actually married. You're a piss taker. 

Men

Girl

Girlfriend

Chick

Other half

Significant other

Partner

Boo

My woman

My lady

Women

My man

Boyfriend

Other half

Significant other

Partner

Boo

I cannot think of any others for now, but I'm sure you are familiar with the above said terms.

I am a fan of marriage and married people getting together for the long haul. I refuse to call it old fashioned. There's nothing old fashioned about marriage. That's probably said by a bunch of people who know they don't have a hope in hell of getting married anyway so start this new age "it's only a piece of paper" bullshit. 

Like I said earlier, being together for along time doesn't mean jack. I was in an eight and a half year relationship from the age of 16. My friend was in a ten year relationship from the age of 16. None of these relationships resulted in children I might add., but I never thought because it's long term let me cling onto some label just to sound relevant or make my relationship seem more important than it actually was. It wasn't. He wasn't committing to me and I wasn't committing to him. We were simply boyfriend and girlfriend in love, who had been together for a long ass time and that was it.

My point is this, leave the term hubby, husband, wife or wifey for those who are actually married folks. You jump from girlfriend to wife, but don't think to call yourself fiancee? Well why not? 

...Yes exactly, that would be ridiculous! Calling yourself a fiancee because there is no ring, yet have no problem calling yourself wife when there is no engagement ring, wedding ring, signed on paper or official change from Miss to Mrs.

Get a clue and leave the big words for the big folks actually committed and bustin their asses in a marriage.

Please and Thank You

My Phone Number/BBM/E-Mail address Is Not A License To Me And My Time!

Which part of “I am busy” do people men not understand? Can I please get in my front door, take a shower then breathe before I get a barrage of Blackberry messages asking in desperation “are you gonna call?” “Call me.”

OH.MY.SWEET.JESUS!

Or when I do call (or he calls), the conversation ends…yet going on midnight he wants me to call him back later???? What is with that??? I am going to my damn bed! AND before bed I need some time to myself!

If I say “I’ll call you tomorrow” please don’t ask me why? It’s like going to a store and asking for credit; ‘don’t be offended if you get an answer you may not like.’

I don’t have to be doing much of anything.

I don’t answer to anybody so chances are I’m not going to be answering to you either.

You don’t need to know that I want to watch my favourite TV program.

…that I want to take a long bath whilst listening to a Steve Allen podcast.

…that it’s movie time

…that I just want some damn peace and quiet and may want an early night and don’t want to speak to anybody!!

I have those moments. I am used to being with someone and liking it and I am used to being by myself and liking it too. I like ME time. I really do. I am very comfortable by myself in a space where I don’t have to answer to anybody.

GOT IT!!!

The other night I was speaking to this guy and he was getting off work and asked me what was I doing later. I said I was going to wash my hair and then chill and watch a movie. Bear in mind it was 22:30 at this point. I am A BLACK WOMAN; we aren’t on some Vidal Sassoon Wash n Go ish like our Caucasian counterparts. Washing our hair IS AN EVENT. *All my sistas who agree with me say AMEN!* By the time I’m done washing, conditioning, detangling, moisturising and styling my hair the birds are up and tweeting going on 6 in the morning. So even after I throw in ‘wash my hair and watch a movie’ line this guy is on a “text me when you’re done and we can talk later” flex.

**BLINKS**

WHICH.PART.BRUV? Did you not hear “watch a movie”? A movie lasts on average 100 minutes and it’s already 22:30. After 45 minutes and 18 seconds, I’m quite alright after speaking to you, thanks. I don’t need anymore tonight!

Needless to say I didn’t wash my hair and I didn’t watch a movie. I hate that feeling where you feel like you have to rush what you’re doing to call a person back or even lie so you don’t have to call back. I’m not down with that at all. OK I may feel differently if he would have said “no worries take your time I’m up until ‘X’ o’clock” or “if you’re too busy tonight, we can talk tomorrow.” THAT I am open and more receptive to. All of this demanding, I can’t stand and I don’t like it. It’s a turn off. I’m sick of dealing with men with no damn consideration, especially for my time. My time is PRECIOUS and recently enough of it has been wasted. The Lord God is not giving me back that time either, so going forward I need to invest it wisely.

If a day goes by without me replying to some guys e-mail I get some message back on this, “oh so it’s like that?” tip. *insert screw face here* I don’t even respond I simply DELETE.

As much as I want to say, “I had x, y, and z to do as well as, I have a life in between me logging onto my computer and a full-time job,” I don’t. The old me couldn’t wait to tell some of these dudes about themselves. Now I get more pleasure hitting the delete button. Actions speak louder than words. My lack of action in dealing with certain individuals speaks volumes these days, trust me.

I had an old friend pop up out of the blue a short while ago. I installed my instant messenger accounts back on my Blackberry and must have left it on whilst I was asleep. I wake up at 4:02am [yes very precise I know] so we get to talking, it had been a couple of years since we last caught up. The next day he messages me saying that he’s going to make more of an effort to keep in touch this time around. I responded positively, and because I say the exact same wording as I had to a previous message hours before, he took that as me wanting him to leave me alone.

**BLINKS**

I guess being repetitive to a guy means “she’s bored or lying.” I was too through, but had to break it down to him rather than hit delete because he is the sweetest thing since sliced bread a Gregg’s Belgian Bun and I didn’t want there to be a misunderstanding. I noticed that with both of us being typical Cancers we are sensitive as hell. I have time for him because he’s cool and decent, but with some of the others my patience just wears very thin, and I really have no time for it at all.

I’m putting my foot down a lot harder than I ever have done before. Some of these traits need to be nipped in the bud with a quickness. I don’t know what kind of woman some of these dudes were with before but I am not the one.

Just for the record fellas if a woman tells you her name. We’d like for you to use it please unless she states otherwise.

It’s not: Babe/Babes, Baby, Sexy Lady, Fine Ass or Hun.

As for pictures, we don’t mind you sending pics of yourself either, but taking your shirt off is not a good look, whether you’re buff or not. It screams conceited. It really does. And not all women faint like a stan at a Michael Jackson concert circa 1988 at the sight of firm abs and a chest.

Be yourself, stop with the demands, insensitivity and PLEASE for the love of all things holy, keep your damn shirt on.

Most of all, have some consideration. We have lives and are busy. We don’t go home to paint our nails and sit by the phone all night like that girl in “He’s just not that into you” waiting for you to call. Sometimes WE’RE just not that into you, or we are but you’re just keen to the point of suffocation that it can be over bearing.

Basic things women do that men may have no clue we do:


Cook
Clean
Read
Watch TV
Have ME time
Go the spa/nail salon/hair salon
Wash our hair
Have personal projects going on
Spend time socialising with friends
Speak to people other than yourself
Go clubbing
Work on our business [so in the future we’re not dependant on you if you decide to run off and do a ‘Tiger Woods/Jesse James on us.]
Watch a movie
Plug OUT the phone/SWITCH the cell phone off/Put it on silent
Shop
Work out
Go to the theatre
SLEEP

For a lot of us modern day women all of the above are normal for us to do on a regular basis. During these moments we don’t really have the time to be speaking to you. Please remember that. We’re not trying to be cruel, we’re trying to have a life and live a life. The very thing you require that we have, so we aren’t clinging onto you 24/7. If you want an independent free thinking woman then know that sometimes her time maybe limited. If this isn’t for you then there are plenty of gold diggers with little time on their hands just waiting for you to call them at all hours of the day and night.

Where Are The Real Gentle-Men?

I've spoken with guys [especially here in London] about the whole chivalry thing. I've witnessed rude ass women not even say thank you when a man has held the door open for them, and I can see why some men get pissed off and refuse to do it going forward. Fellas, regardless of how many times a woman may not thank you for your efforts, please don't stop being a gentleman because you will always come across a REAL woman who knows how to appreciate the little things that a man does [and I'm not even speaking on a romantic level, just in general].

I got on the Tube today for the first time in over a month.  I've been stateside for 3 weeks, so have totally been out of the whole 'London State of Mind.' For all of those that don't know...London is a city full of bad manners and rudeness. Oh don't get me wrong, you want a good time, want to earn money then it's the greatest place to be, but don't expect much in the ways of common courteousy very often, or you will be left very disppointed.  So I'm sitting there reading my book and see a married couple get on the Tube. Around mid 40's, he's well over 6ft tall, she's petite, both able bodied, he's stocky...and he sits his ass down in the only available seat and continues to have a conversation with his idiot wife who is standing  up on the tube in front of him.

You know when you have those moments like, "Is he for real?" Well I couldn't help but to stop and stare.

The last seat and you take it.

The last seat and you make your wife stand up in front of you.

The last seat and you didn't even offer it to your woman.

I.DON'T.WANT. THAT.

A man who isn't even considerate enough to even offer.  Scratch that. He shouldn't have to offer. The last seat should be yours. That's his wife and unless dude is crippled or is carrying a cane, "stand yo ass up!"

She's at fault too, because she allows it.  I don't even know if I have the patience to even allow that mess just ONCE. There are some things as a man that you should know, unless the 'Three C' rule applies [Crippled or Carrying a Cane], the seat always goes to the woman.

Now Londoners I'm sure you've seen during the rush hour the empty seat scenario. Man and woman both heading for the seat. One is polite [the man] v the one who is the idiot [the woman]. Why is she the idiot? Because she actually extends her hand as a silent gesture AFTER the man has done the same to say "would you like the seat? I'm far to independant and liberated to even accept such a kind hearted gesture from a gentleman like yourself. Due to my constant need to always be in control and have that power, even over total strangers I will emasculate you and make you feel like the bitch who needs the seat."

Why is accepting a seat so hard for so many women in this city? Do they really feel it detracts from their power [whatever that might be]?

I don't have time for that mess.  My independant and liberated ass is taking the seat. I'm a woman, you're a man, if the Three C rule doesn't apply, I'll say thank you and take the seat.  You're always saying how we are the weaker sex.  Well case closed, my weak ass needs a seat thank you very much you strong, empowered man!

Let me speak for myself here..

I'm not impressed by the fancy cars, clothes, money etc.  I'm sure if I was 'that kinda woman' I would have no problem in getting and keeping [even for a short while] a man who had all of that. But if there is nothing in the 'how he treats me' department I am NOT interested.

There is something WAY more fulfilling than a guy with money and material possessions. It's called a gentleman.  A man who knows how to speak to and treat his woman. It costs nothing, but the effort is a hell of a lot more than simply flashing a credit card and buying her something fancy to 'prove' that you're sorry or care for her.  I'm an action speak louder than words kind of woman. Yes you can flap your gums about all that you want from me, for us etc etc. But I need to see that somehow. And small GENUINE gestures can go a VERY long way.

You taking the seat and not even considering me is NOT showing that you have much regard or consideration for me at all. In my head I'd be calling him all types of bastard in different dialects.

Think about it, it's always something small. If your own husband isn't even considerate enough to consider you when it comes to a seat, then what in the hell is he like when it comes to holding the door open for you, to taking care of you when you're sick?

There's asshole and then there's asshole. I'm prepared for asshole in the 'having a bad day sense' but that type of asshole *shakes head* I would never want.

Men sometimes think we are clocking how much they make, how much they spend on us and forgetting all of the rest. I watch closely for everything but that. Doors being held open, asking me about MY day, how he speaks to me, how affectionate he is, considering me when it comes to where do you want to go [short term] compared to where do you want to go [long term] etc etc etc. When you're looking for a man, a REAL man, soul mate, partner, love of your life those are the things that I think are extremely important. If the money runs out then what??? You're ass out and stuck with an asshole. A lack of consideration towards me over a long period of time with no hope of changing, would be the kicker for me that would make me want to leave. Not the cash running out or anything like that. To me money doesn't maketh the man. I prefer heart, mind, body and soul over any of that any day.

And as for the seat thing, I'm not a poor and defenseless woman, but damn...some of you always talk about wanting to be THE man, wanting to be the provider...then provide your woman with the damn seat and STOP YOUR NOISE. It's not about providing us with financial stability and material possessions and calling it a day. Some of us aren't that bloody greedy and complicated you know.

If You Don't Like Dogs, Then Why Would You Want One?

Ladies,

Whether it's Facebook, Twitter, reality TV, a talk show I'm beyond tired in my 30 years of hearing you single miserable heifers talking about....scratch that....ranting about "I can't get a man/good man"

**Let's pour a lil liquor for your lost selves**

I've harped on about the relationship threads before [check the 'relationships' label] so you know my stance on them and a woman's attitude [or let me say my attitude as I can't speak for an entire gender] on the matter.

What the hell are you expecting to attract if you believe that "all men are dogs" mantra? If you don't believe there are any good men out there, then like a dutty dawg you're simply going to be picking up fleas. You'll lay with and settle for anything that comes along just to say "I have somebody." Being single to me is not that serious. And yes I do want to be married and have children one day with a passion, but I'm patient about it all and can wait. I wish more people embraced being single so when you do find the one you can call The One, then you're ready with open arms to be in a relationship with that person for the right reasons and it won't be about fulfilling a need or a desire to erase any loneliness that you maybe feeling.

Someone on Twitter said last week that she wishes people would stop acting as though being single was a damn disease. If you're not afraid to embrace it then that is just an important part of your adult development as is being in relationships. You can learn from and enjoy both.

Back to the point. I'm not an animal lover, especially dogs. And as I don't like dogs, there is no way I am going get one as a pet and have it shitting everywhere. So why do some of you have the same mentality where you cast aspersions on the male species, call them dogs before you'd ever think of them in a positive light, yet be so desperate for one? To pick another bad thorn amongst the many roses, and like an untrained dog have them shit all over your life, then as a result AGAIN have YOUR bad choice tarnish the name of the good men out there?

THE FACT IS THIS: Like I said in my Facebook status last night, there are some AMAZING men out there. And if there weren't, some of you wouldn't be dating to or married to those men. AND NOT ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE NOT TAKEN. I've never uttered nor believed that ALL men are dogs, and never said it out of frustration of a relationship never working out. I like to think I'm a very good judge of character. I may not always get it right, but I'd like to say I'm pretty spot on. If you keep picking up dogs then at some point it's not about THOSE men, it starts to become about YOU being the problem. Start taking accountability for your actions on who you let in your life, then eventually in your bed. Hold up.....what am I thinking, this is 2009 that should be probably in your bed, then in your life, because you know how 'liberated' *sarcastic tone* women are these days to not even want to deal with an emotional connection and lay down quickly with a dude hoping that will be enough. **shakes head** Men are different when it comes to sex. Stop thinking you can trap and keep them with pussy tactics. It doesn't work. He'll only stick around if he's into you IN THE EMOTIONAL SENSE, he can get what you're giving him physically from practically anywhere.

So it's all well and good to date man after man, have them 'dog' you, then call him another dog, but when do you start to become the idiot bitch [in the dog sense] dating the dogs? how can you get mad at him, when you keep picking types like him??

Aside from all of that, if you have no faith and believe all men are dogs, then every man that you come across will not be a great fit for you. Like attracts like!! Think of it like a universal invisible magnet. And when the most decent man approaches you...sista you won't even have a clue, as you're in the totally WRONG mindset to even accept a man being polite with a simple hello. I've seen some of you idiots in action. Thinking it's cute when a man whistles at you from a car. Negro you HAVE TO APPROACH ME LIKE A GENTLEMAN. I don't even look or cuss in the direction of those men AS THEY COULD NEVER HAVE BEEN CALLING ME LIKE THAT! If you can step to me with manners I have time for you. If I get 5 years of cat calling, then guess what I go 5 years of not dating, because I AM NOT ABOUT TO SETTLE.

There's not a damn thing wrong with wanting a long term boyfriend, who could potentially become a husband [of course do not be spouting that out from Day 1 continuously], but don't settle with just anyone because they bought you a drink, smiled and told you you looked beautiful that night into thinking that he's a keeper. Can you please work at getting to know him, and him getting to know you? Can you wait before you drop the panties to see if he's shown you in anyway that he's worthy of a thong being dropped for and some bad hair come the morning. If he wants you he'll take you in ANY WAY he can and be satisfied before you get physically intimate. Shoot, you get in quickly and all excited sometimes and overlook so much IN THE HOPE OF....and when you realise he wasn't all that to begin with then he's a dog. Nah sweetie this particular dude may have ALWAYS been a dog but they all aren't. Maybe you were the idiot seeing things that weren't there in the first place and overlooked a ton of signs that said he had no intention of being anything more than just a friend with benefits to you.

There are good men and bad men. The same with women. But stop the foolishness about "all men ain't shit" or "all men are dogs." To me after a while that's the equivalent of a cover up for your bad judgement and screw ups where you have never known how to pick a decent man.

I've seen some of you rolling your eyes and neck at a dude who greeted you nicely but flocked to the "Yo whassup ma" brother chewing a damn cocktail stick **shaking my damn head** Then you have the nerve to get mad after hooking up and are now chasing him for child support payments. PLEASE!!!

Be careful which dogs you lay down with. You may wind up catching fleas, false promises, some STD's and some illegitimate children along the way all with different last names.

I guess getting back into my regular blogging stance wasn't so difficult after all.

Be Blessed Ladies, In Some Countries It's Legal For Your Husband To Rape You!

Afghanistan is one of them. If you are married it is LEGAL for a husband to be able to rape his wife.

I'm keeping this short because the disgust I'm feeling right now I can't even put into words. And all kinds of Afghan N words will be coming out of my mouth.

Thank you Jesus for:

(a) Making me a whoop assin, no nonsense black woman, not afraid to stand up for herself.
(b) Living in a country where such BS isn't tolerated under any circumstances.

Read this blog about Afghan women.

I Am Too Young For Cougarville!!

Just a few moments ago I was on my way to Tasty Jerk for some Jerk Pork and I have my Ipod on [Single Ladies was playing...how ironic] and three, let just call them young black layabouts were standing outside the local betting shop, smoking. You know typical attire, sweat bottoms, sweat jacket, a jacket over that and a cap looking like he needed change and a map to the nearest YMCA more than anything.

This bruh starts bouncing [literally] along next to me and leaves his boys behind just talking, talking, talking and getting no response. I was sick of this already 10 seconds in. So I'm thinking "Awww hell no you cannot possibly be talking to me" So I pause Bouncy Knowles, and he's going on about my mean look I gave him. Obviously trying to chirps [hit on].

IF YOUR BLACK ASS IS WALKING ALONG THE STREET IN PITCH BLACK DARKNESS AND SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE HOMELESS STARTS TALKING TO YOU AND YOU HAVE EARPHONES IN AND ARE NOT RESPONDING, WOULD YOU ADOPT THE MEAN 'I'LL CUT YOU FACE'?

HIM: "How old are you?"
ME: "23"
HIM: "Why how old are you?"
ME: "Old!!!"
HIM: "Well that's alright my last girlfriend was 43."

Bitch, that was not your girl that was your mother. And what does he mean that's alright. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF YOUR BRUCK LOOKING SELF GETTING THE BEGINNING '0' OF MY CELL PHONE NUMBER, LET ALONE MY DIGITS, A CHICKEN OUT OF THE BOX DATE AND A QUIET NIGHT IN WITH YOU AND YOUR MANS DEM GATHERED AROUND THE X-BOX.

What can this lazy ass bum of a non wearing ragga muffin do for me a professional in the City working woman?

These fools need to stop smoking that shit and stop approaching women who have bills and no babies and a job.

The next time I will not press pause. I will keep on moving, as what I cannot hear cannot affect me.

Just those few words and my attention was too much for that idiot. With his "yeah yeah you get me" self. He's very ambitious I'll give him that much. Maybe he should channel some of that ambition in the employment field and find a damn job. Young working men don't hang outside betting shops dressed like that. I bet I know his line of work though, for real! And it doesn't involve a payslip and regular PAYE and National Insurance contributions.
STEP OFF!!!

Just for the record, I expect a gentleman to be a gentleman. What happened to a handshake upon meeting someone or an "excuse me can I talk to you for a moment please?" Even if I wasn't interested I would have responded and declined politely. You come at me aggressively, I'm going to respond in kind....next time though, not at all.

Please Do Not Apply

I'm a no nonsense 29 year old, very sure of herself woman.

I have a mouth, a mind and an opinion and am not afraid to voice it, nor do I care who feels somewhat bothered by me expressing what I have to say.

If you are easily intimidated by that, please do not apply.

I make good money and so far in all of my relationships I've earned the most. It's never been an issue, nor has it even been rubbed in the faces of my exes, I would never sink that low and do that.

If this somewhat bothers you that I make good money and am always looking to expand on that and make more, please do not apply.

I have male friends and will continue to have male friends. I've never had a problem with men I've been involved with having female friends [unless it's been a case of them invading my territory to try and take my place]. At the onset of a relationship a whole gender is not going to be eliminated from my circle. I am loyal and very faithful.

If my strictly platonic association with members of the opposite sex makes you feel insecure, please do not apply.

I can't stand blatant liars and I definitely cannot tolerate cheats.

If you have a problem with lying profusely and cheating whilst in committed relationships, you can do that with another woman, but not this one, so please do not apply.

I consider myself a strong and VERY independent woman, but in the same breath I know how to let a man be a man and will treat him as such if he is worthy.

If a weak woman is what you are looking for, please do not apply.

I do not place my mobile phone in front of me staring at it all evening in the hopes of you calling. I don't need to be pandered to, I'm very busy and have things to do of my own. Don't give me the schpiel of not calling when you say you will or you don't know how to return e-mails after say two weeks.

If you are a timewaster, please do not apply.

I like to wear short dresses and high-heeled shoes when I go out at times.

If the thought of your woman showing a lot of leg and wearing a tight dress bothers the hell out of you, please do not apply.

On the subject of clothing. I'm not changing this outfit. If you don't like it on me well come back on a day when you like my attire. It's staying on. You can go home. I have no time to be dressing a man. He can wear what he wants. As will I. The hair is staying the same as is the make-up.

If you have a problem with me not wearing what you want, the way my hair is styled or my make-up, please do not apply.

I enjoy a few days at a time by myself away from you, chilling, reading, just enjoying my space. It doesn't mean I've gone off you or am seeing someone else.

If you have a problem with me having free time and not being all up under your armpit, then please do not apply.

Please do not ask me for permission to go away with your friends, watch the game, go to the game, the bar or the pub.
When I want to do the same with my girls you better be sure I won't be asking for permission from you.

If you have to check in with me or ask permission to do x, y and z, please do not apply.